i need to know how to channel my fear in the darkness (details)
i'm new to the whole thing, i'm not even sure if i'm asking the right questions or in the right place. but i seek teachers, i seek guidance. too long i have held gifts and unable to know how to embrace them completely.
i'll start by saying i sometimes see places i never seen before in my dreams, there are even times i'll dream about things that have happened without my knowledge and even things that have not yet happened, and i know every time it happens it won't be the last time. the thing is, the latest two things i dreamed about, one was a connection to a place i see in my dreams, its not too often but it isn't rare either. i dreamed i was looking at a map, there was a name on the map that caught my eye the most. it said Blackfoot Forrest. after waking up i was curious and i typed it in on the internet, and i saw photos, instantly i got a rush of cold chills. i felt like i made a connection, finally one the places i dream about me exploring has a name. i been there, it looked very familiar. but i only been there in my sleep.
the latest other dream i had was about my grandma being in the hospital, and i was trying to go see her. the next day i find out she did go to the hospital.
i sometimes even dream of demons, and ghosts that try to possess you, which feels painful by the way. even when i'm awake i have had my past with the paranormal. i could tell you some stories, but i'd rather not discuss my whole history.
the thing is, i feel as i must channel them, and whatever fears i have, so it can consume me and in the end, conquer it. i want to feel the ultimate rush of cold chills and over come my demons that are more about me than anything else. which is the very reason of me being here, or anywhere else that i may have to seek if i can't find the answers here to those who understand me and not think of me just another foolish noob. even if it may be true, still. i'm being serious. i am lost, and don't know where to go for help.
but i see this happening so clearly, i'm in a dark room and i become vulnerable and all these cold chills from whatever is around me, and all my fears rushing at me at once. i feel as to become stronger, i must first know true fear of my fears and over come them. i feel it would make me stronger. i see no after, i see no before. all i see of it is me in the dark laying on the floor in fear, channeling more and more, for the purpose of becoming stronger at the outcome.
but i do have my doubts, which gets me to my next question, is it a good idea?
like i said, i'm new to this seeking help thing from things that you can't ask just anyone. but this is weighing on me, its getting rather too heavy. i just hope if i do this its not going to be something bad. i'm close to family, i don't want to ruin that.
i do not deny i have a dark side, which i keep contained. if i let that side of me out completely, lets just say it wouldn't be wise.
i'll start by saying i sometimes see places i never seen before in my dreams, there are even times i'll dream about things that have happened without my knowledge and even things that have not yet happened, and i know every time it happens it won't be the last time. the thing is, the latest two things i dreamed about, one was a connection to a place i see in my dreams, its not too often but it isn't rare either. i dreamed i was looking at a map, there was a name on the map that caught my eye the most. it said Blackfoot Forrest. after waking up i was curious and i typed it in on the internet, and i saw photos, instantly i got a rush of cold chills. i felt like i made a connection, finally one the places i dream about me exploring has a name. i been there, it looked very familiar. but i only been there in my sleep.
the latest other dream i had was about my grandma being in the hospital, and i was trying to go see her. the next day i find out she did go to the hospital.
i sometimes even dream of demons, and ghosts that try to possess you, which feels painful by the way. even when i'm awake i have had my past with the paranormal. i could tell you some stories, but i'd rather not discuss my whole history.
the thing is, i feel as i must channel them, and whatever fears i have, so it can consume me and in the end, conquer it. i want to feel the ultimate rush of cold chills and over come my demons that are more about me than anything else. which is the very reason of me being here, or anywhere else that i may have to seek if i can't find the answers here to those who understand me and not think of me just another foolish noob. even if it may be true, still. i'm being serious. i am lost, and don't know where to go for help.
but i see this happening so clearly, i'm in a dark room and i become vulnerable and all these cold chills from whatever is around me, and all my fears rushing at me at once. i feel as to become stronger, i must first know true fear of my fears and over come them. i feel it would make me stronger. i see no after, i see no before. all i see of it is me in the dark laying on the floor in fear, channeling more and more, for the purpose of becoming stronger at the outcome.
but i do have my doubts, which gets me to my next question, is it a good idea?
like i said, i'm new to this seeking help thing from things that you can't ask just anyone. but this is weighing on me, its getting rather too heavy. i just hope if i do this its not going to be something bad. i'm close to family, i don't want to ruin that.
i do not deny i have a dark side, which i keep contained. if i let that side of me out completely, lets just say it wouldn't be wise.
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