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    Don't Want to Move

    I don't talk about it a lot here, but my boyfriend is in a bit of a difficult career situation. He suffers from depression and it's caused him to abandon 2 different starts at his education. At the moment, he's working at certain international fast food chain, which is about all you can do in Germany without a degree or apprenticeship, and is very unhappy with it. On top of that, our household income is very low. His job doesn't earn much, and my job as a writer isn't exactly pulling in major money either. He wants to make a new start so that we can move on and afford to start a family, but he's 30 and in Germany, that makes things tough. They're very, very ageist here and many still think that 30 is "too old" to start studying and start a career afterwards. Still, it's not -too- late, so he's trying and seeing what happens.

    Anyway, he got an interview for a co-op study program at a very famous research institute in the West (most co-op programs are tied to institutes and companies, not universities, unlike Canada, and you have to interview for them just like a job). It would be a fantastic opportunity for him, but it would also be very hard for us. I don't see how we could manage to afford two households and travel to see each other often enough over 4 years. I'd have to move there with him. I looked it up and I could sell the place here and afford a house there (which eased my fears of not being able to have something resembling a garden), but I'm still very reluctant to move there for a number of reasons:

    -I don't like the region at all. It's in a very industrialized part of the country and it's very flat and bland as far as landscape is concerned. Goodbye, summer weekend days at the lakes. Goodbye, nature walks just outside the city. Goodbye, quick train rides to the Baltic Sea for a weekend away at the family cabin, Goodbye, picking fruit and wild herbs in the summer. Goodbye, fresh air.

    -We fancied moving away from the big city in a few years when we had kids, but we thought we would move somewhere in Brandenburg where we could still pop into Berlin here and there. We love Berlin...he grew up here and I sort of grew up here (I moved here at 21, so I spent a lot of formative years in my 20s here).

    -Although we could afford a house probably, it would have a tiny yard, which is disappointing considering the ideal move to Brandenburg could afford us quite a large property, as prices are much lower and there's much more space.

    -It's so isolated. The town is 30,000 people, give or take, and near bigger cities like Cologne and Dusseldorf, but not really -that- close. There isn't really much of a connection and most people commute. I'd be limited to the area, or he would have to commute (he doesn't drive, and it's a very unpleasant commute).

    -Work options would be very limited for me. I can't see anyone in that small of a place hiring a woman of child-bearing years (they're still a bit more discriminatory in smaller places in the west) who only has a bachelor's degree and doesn't speak German as a native language. I'd either have to commute a couple of hours into Cologne or Dusseldorf or keep freelancing. I don't mind freelancing and thought I might like to keep doing so anyway, but I like the idea of it being a choice, you know?

    -SOCIAL LIFE. Seriously, we don't know ANYONE there and it's not that easy to meet new people at our age. We'd be far away from family as well. I feel like I'd be really isolated, staying at home working all day and then staying home all evening. It breaks my heart to think about it. I also have trouble meeting new people and my BF is introverted as well. It took me years and years just to find the friends I have here now, and that's in Berlin.

    Anyway, I don't want anyone to pray that he won't get an offer, because I feel that it wouldn't be fair to him and what if that's all that comes up? We can't really keep on going like we are now, unless we give up on the idea of having children, so if that's all that comes up, we'll have to compromise and move. What I would like to ask is that anyone who wants to prays that he gets a good offer in or near Berlin so that we can stay here. Heck, I'd even be fine with Leipzig or Dresden, if moving somewhere else ends up being the only option.

    It's definitely not for sure...it's just an interview and it's not even for another few weeks, but I wanted to give the universe time to sort things out

    #2
    Re: Don't Want to Move

    My thoughts: (Please don't take them to heart too quickly, I mean no offence etc. I'm just speaking my mind)

    First of all you need to note whether it's permanent, if it's 4 years then a move back to Berlin, then while the four years may be tough it may result in a better life later when/if you move to a more desirable place, they do say 'today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday' for all that applies.

    -Beauty, while it lies in nature you can do all sorts of things in any area, regardless of size, it won't just be pure factories/machinery pumping out pollution. I live in the fens (in England) fairly close to a city and while the city may not be the prettiest place ever, and the fens around it are flat, boring fields. It's still a lovely place and it allows me to appreciate the world in a different way, nature is never too far away (though yes, the Baltic Sea may be too far away ^^)

    -Brandonburg could always come later with more money, or it could come now and you two could work hard with what you have, both are valid options and neither is better than the other if personal opinion is removed.

    -The fens are very isolated, there's literally villages consisting of 5 houses dotted all around here, isolation is a funny thing because you can only ever get 'more isolated', tying in with social life people just learn to get along, with less options people just rely on what they have more and closer communities are always lovely and welcoming. Commuting may be a problem but you can't change that too much, while it may be a more extreme option your partner could learn to drive - depending on timescales he could learn before you leave or learn once your there if Canadian/German law permits it even if it's just a small, cheap car (or maybe even a moped xP)

    -Work is an issue that doesn't necessarily have a right view, especially in precarious positions/locations, but your knowledge of the German language will help you get a job, and I honestly believe there will be a job with your name on it wherever you choose to stay, 'there is never no work for those who put the work in when looking for work' is a good saying around here (I do like my quotes this post =3), be it freelance or part time or something more dedicated.

    Either way, life is the longest thing you do so take your time with it, don't worry about the future too much, a strong and steady path is usually the best one. If you want kids, you will have kids, life may just take you on a roundabout route like maybe a trip to Canada ;P

    Hopefully I've been of some help <3 :=):
    Work hard Play hard.
    What is history?

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Don't Want to Move

      Thanks...you do bring up some good points. I suppose it would be temporary, but it's just a thorn in my side, because it costs sooooooo much money for such a short period of time. It would represent a lot of sunk costs in land transfer taxes, notary fees, estate agent commissions, etc. I suppose we could rent for that period of time, but the value of rents vs buying there seem to be higher, so that would also carry sunk costs. My big worry about living in small town Germany is that people are not generally friendly and welcoming. Germans tend to be cold and closed off. I guess if we were there for a few years, we'd make friends though We could sort out the transport thing as well, I guess. Though I don't think driving is a good alternative - we are both opposed to cars and the use of fossil fuels in individual transport (which is why I do not drive, ever, despite having a driver's license!)

      I guess if it happens, it happens and we will have to make the most of it. That's why I didn't want anyone to pray/light a candle/send energy for him not to get the position. It would be a good opportunity for him and could help us out over the long term (because it would start his career). It's just that I really hope that something else comes up closer to home It's not just me who doesn't want to move...he doesn't really fancy living in northwest Germany either (save maybe Hamburg).

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Don't Want to Move

        Originally posted by DanieMarie View Post
        Though I don't think driving is a good alternative - we are both opposed to cars and the use of fossil fuels in individual transport (which is why I do not drive, ever, despite having a driver's license!)
        Whoops sorry =S didn't realize,
        and I don't really know what else I can say (sorry again), do whatever you wont regret and my prayers'll be with you, you need them more than me at the moment =)
        Work hard Play hard.
        What is history?

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Don't Want to Move

          Could you rent your place in Berlin out and move with him to freelance? That way you'd not have to sell your place, and you could more easily afford to rent there temporarily. Unfortunately, sometimes, you just have to suck it up and make it work... :/ Not helpful, I know...we've been there and done that.
          Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of HistoryPagan Devotionals, because the wind and the rain is our Bible
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            #6
            Re: Don't Want to Move

            Originally posted by thalassa View Post
            Could you rent your place in Berlin out and move with him to freelance? That way you'd not have to sell your place, and you could more easily afford to rent there temporarily. Unfortunately, sometimes, you just have to suck it up and make it work... :/ Not helpful, I know...we've been there and done that.
            Nahhh...it is helpful. It might actually be a good solution that could save money I don't know why I hadn't thought of that...the rents seem affordable enough and we might even be able to have a garden (the benefits of not living in a big city, I guess...everyone says Berlin is "so cheap" but it's not really that cheap anymore!)

            And yes, that could be an option. I guess we'll have to see and cross that bridge when it comes to it.

            I may even be worrying for nothing. It's just an interview at this point.

            Comment


              #7
              Re: Don't Want to Move

              Ok, so he had his interview and it seemed to go well. There are only a couple of places available though, so we'll see.

              We've looked into it more and it wouldn't actually be half bad. I think a lot of my fears are eased now. I'm still worried about not knowing anyone and it being small and hard to meet people, but it wouldn't be impossible. It's close enough to Cologne that we could occasionally wander into the city to do cultural things and I would be able to play gigs in Cologne, Dusseldorf, and other nearby cities (and come back to Berlin to play shows and visit friends...bus tickets are cheap enough that we could afford the occasional weekend back here). Renting out our place here is doable and we'd be able to afford a nice apartment with a garden, because it turns out that Berlin isn't that "cheap" anymore compared to the rest of the country and that rents are actually much lower there because it's small.

              It's also not so horrible like I thought it would be. My boyfriend said that there are really nice forests there, and there are a few lakes where you can swim. Lots of people have houses and keep geese and chickens and there's a nice "village" feel to the place. Also doable. There's a giant coal plant nearby, which sounds more like the region, but apparently you can't see it and there isn't any noticeable pollution.

              At the end of the day, we still don't really want to move, but it would be doable. Plus, the job would be really great for his career and he'd really enjoy it.

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by DanieMarie View Post
                Ok, so he had his interview and it seemed to go well. There are only a couple of places available though, so we'll see.

                We've looked into it more and it wouldn't actually be half bad. I think a lot of my fears are eased now. I'm still worried about not knowing anyone and it being small and hard to meet people, but it wouldn't be impossible. It's close enough to Cologne that we could occasionally wander into the city to do cultural things and I would be able to play gigs in Cologne, Dusseldorf, and other nearby cities (and come back to Berlin to play shows and visit friends...bus tickets are cheap enough that we could afford the occasional weekend back here). Renting out our place here is doable and we'd be able to afford a nice apartment with a garden, because it turns out that Berlin isn't that "cheap" anymore compared to the rest of the country and that rents are actually much lower there because it's small.

                It's also not so horrible like I thought it would be. My boyfriend said that there are really nice forests there, and there are a few lakes where you can swim. Lots of people have houses and keep geese and chickens and there's a nice "village" feel to the place. Also doable. There's a giant coal plant nearby, which sounds more like the region, but apparently you can't see it and there isn't any noticeable pollution.

                At the end of the day, we still don't really want to move, but it would be doable. Plus, the job would be really great for his career and he'd really enjoy it.
                off topic: im visiting cologne in january. For a day. Staying in Heidelberg, if you (or anyone else) is keen for catch ups
                ThorSon's milkshake brings all the PF girls to the yard - Volcaniclastic

                RIP

                I have never been across the way
                Seen the desert and the birds
                You cut your hair short
                Like a shush to an insult
                The world had been yelling
                Since the day you were born
                Revolting with anger
                While it smiled like it was cute
                That everything was shit.

                - J. Wylder

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                  #9
                  Re: Don't Want to Move

                  Originally posted by Heka View Post
                  off topic: im visiting cologne in january. For a day. Staying in Heidelberg, if you (or anyone else) is keen for catch ups
                  Haha totally not off topic. I might be living near there, after all :P

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by DanieMarie View Post

                    Haha totally not off topic. I might be living near there, after all :P
                    You should do it, for catch ups.
                    ThorSon's milkshake brings all the PF girls to the yard - Volcaniclastic

                    RIP

                    I have never been across the way
                    Seen the desert and the birds
                    You cut your hair short
                    Like a shush to an insult
                    The world had been yelling
                    Since the day you were born
                    Revolting with anger
                    While it smiled like it was cute
                    That everything was shit.

                    - J. Wylder

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Don't Want to Move

                      Originally posted by Heka View Post
                      You should do it, for catch ups.
                      Haha even if I'm not, I'll try to make it over there to say hi

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                        #12
                        Re: Don't Want to Move

                        I'm hoping to catch up with many a people. Spending a week in Munchen so should be able to wrangle something.
                        ThorSon's milkshake brings all the PF girls to the yard - Volcaniclastic

                        RIP

                        I have never been across the way
                        Seen the desert and the birds
                        You cut your hair short
                        Like a shush to an insult
                        The world had been yelling
                        Since the day you were born
                        Revolting with anger
                        While it smiled like it was cute
                        That everything was shit.

                        - J. Wylder

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Don't Want to Move

                          So....it's pretty likely that this is happening. I probably won't move over until the new year because I have to tie up my life here, move, AND find a tenant, but yep...

                          I have really mixed feelings about it. I haven't moved to a new city in 9 years (it will be 9 1/2 at that point!) and I love our home here so much (seriously....we have such a wonderful condo). I'll be leaving my friends and the city I love. But on the other hand, I've been kind of wanting a change for a while and the city is starting to exhaust me. It'll also probably mean that we won't be scraping by financially anymore, which will be such a nice change.

                          All in all though, it's weird timing. I turn 30 in August. Berlin is a bit like Neverland; as long as you're here, you never really grow up. I feel like my youth is ending. I don't really mean that in a negative way....it's just how it feels.

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