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    Bipolar Disorder

    Is anyone else Bipolar? If so what are your experiences?

    I was diagnosed while on deployment. After three years of struggling and mistakes after I got out of the Army I ended up in inpatient treatment at the VA hrre in Asheville. Things are starting to stabilize now but it has been a struggle.

    #2
    Re: Bipolar Disorder

    Oh boy. This could be long. So let's go for the short version.
    My grandmother was bi polar.
    My mother was bi polar/schizophrenic.
    My brother was/is (don't know if he's still alive, but homeless or dead) schizophrenic.
    My cousin was schizophrenic/drug addict. Though drug addict because of being in war.

    I was raised with a bi polar mother. As in going to state mental hospitals to visit her when I was 5. As in she had shock treatment performed on her. As in I'm very well acquainted to the living with bi polar.

    I was a very depressed child. Starting from about 5 because my mother was in a state hospital. And later because I was sexually abused. And then my father passed when I was 11. I was suicidal in my teens. And I just chalked it up to having a f'd up life and being depressed.

    When I was about 30 I tried to commit suicide (this one taking a good hold) by over dosing on sleeping pills. I didn't die. But I was placed on emergency disability. Had to step down from my store manager position and start over. I was diagnosed with Cyclothemic bi polar. Which means my cycles were mostly depression with my mania happening in a specific way (list making was the major way and insomnia). My cycles at my worst were about every hour or so. Going up and down the roller coaster of death and life made me want to just get off. Hence the sleeping pills so I could just 'take a break'. Through a hard year of psychiatric treatment, medications(which were a mess for a while) and some hard behavioral modifications, I have come out on the other side stronger then before. Many older members here have watched me go through my struggles privately. They know what I've had to do. What I've lost. What I've gained in just being alive.

    One thing is certain and it's fucking harsh. No one is gonna advocate for you, except you. No one can do the work for you. No one can truly understand what's going on in your mind. How much you will be honest and how much you will lie. You have to do the hard ugly work. Because bi polar is inviting when it's good. And when it's bad, you are apathetic. And you can't even imagine life being 'calm'. Meds help. Most people dont want to do meds. They feel weak. You have a medical condition, like Diabetes etc. It's manageable. But you have to manage it. Meds help you get your mind cleaned and tidy so you can start to think clearly and make rational thoughts without them eventually. Therapy helps. It helps when others can point out things in your mind you are too close to seeing or understanding. It can clarify what's real and what's just self perpetuating. And behavioral modification is a must. You must learn to make decisions based on the health of the outcome and not on how you feel. You cannot trust how you feel. Not right away.Because the border of how you feel and what you know is intuition is just fucked.

    I have a mood chart I made with the help of my shrink years ago. It charts your daily assessment in an easy way. After a month or two you can start to see patterns in what triggers you etc. It's helped me immensely and I've sent it to quite a few people here.

    If you need any questions about the experience in handling it and you want to do so privately, you can pm me.
    Satan is my spirit animal

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      #3
      Re: Bipolar Disorder

      I myself have had to deal with Bi-poler stuff,though for me it was mainly depression with minor manic stuff(my brother had major manic with delusions). My brother died at age 59 while in a program for his Bi-poler. All in all I think sometimes I am lucky to be still around,and at least half way ok. Still have problems with depression,but no way as bad as before. Just hang in there and work the program...
      MAGIC is MAGIC,black OR white or even blood RED

      all i ever wanted was a normal life and love.
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        #4
        Re: Bipolar Disorder

        The only experiences I've had with someone who has bi-polar disorder are with my aunt, whom I don't see very often. She's a very sweet person, but sometimes she kinda looses it and goes into episodes. She tries to get it to go away by drinking heavily, which makes her pass out after totally embarrassing herself. One time, she just lay naked in the street. She lives in a busy city, so she got arrested. I love her very much, though, and my family and I help pay for therapy.

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          #5
          Re: Bipolar Disorder

          I am bi-polar. It's pretty serious. Living with serious mental illness isn't easy.

          I don't know how severe yours is. But my advice is to manage it wisely. Do NOT drink or do recreational drugs, take your meds. See your dr regularly. Get enough sleep (aw mom...)

          And it can probably be managed and you'll have a good life.

          But really, it's nothing to mess around with. And don't hesitate to check yourself into the hospital if things get hairy.

          And don't let peoples well meaning ignorance get you down, and all their helpful (cough) suggestions etc. A lot of people think being moody is the same as having bi-polar. They just don't understand. I have to b very careful who I speak to about episodes and experiences.

          And, I repeat. do not drink or use recreational drugs. Seriously. Just don't

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            #6
            Re: Bipolar Disorder

            I'm schizoaffective, which is a combination of Schizophrenia and bipolar, or schizophrenia and MDD. My doc is attempting to 100% determine it's the bipolar subtype, so yeah, I've had to deal with it.

            Living with it sucks. That's about as much as I can say in a couple of words. In longer terms? I'm addicted to my highs, and I loath my lows. It's also hard to reason, I've noticed. Very very hard.
            Kemetic Blog - http://www.inspiringrainbow.wordpress.com

            Bring your grains of Salt.

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              #7
              Re: Bipolar Disorder

              The condition of depression in which the person's mood can be changed in shifts is bipolar disorder. Medicines are used to treat bipolar disorder. Enough sleep is also very helpful for the patients.

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                #8
                Re: Bipolar Disorder

                Being diagnosed as Bipolar can be very overwhelming.

                At a young age I was diagnosed and treated for severe depression and anxiety. I've had a rough start, and have had complete nervous breakdowns several times in the past 17 years. Most recently, I have been in outpatient treatment programs twice since the beginning of August. I missed a lot of work, and felt like I was at the end of my rope...again.

                I have also never been completely honest with my clinicans until now. In the past I wouldn't share all of my thoughts and feelings because I was embarrassed by them and knew that 'normal' people can't possibly have the same thoughts as me. If I talk about it, I'll be judged, just like when anyone finds out I suffer from depression. I've grown tired of struggling just to wake up in the morning. I've grown tired of feeling over happy, or like I'm stuck in anxiety-mode, just waiting for the crash to come. It causes for never being able to 'live in the moment'.

                Upon entering my second bout of Outpatient treatment, I decided to really sit down with my psychologist and psychiatrist and talk about every single one of my symptoms whether I like hearing it outloud or not. From being truly honest with my clinicians, I have not been diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), concurrent with Bipolar Disorder, Severe Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS). It's been a bumpy road, and I still have my highs and lows, but now that I'm on proper medication, the highs/lows aren't as severe as they once were. I also feel more in control of my emotions and don't let them completely control me. I still have a long journey ahead of me, and I'm realizing that these disorders are things I will forever live with, but can learn to maintain, just like someone must learn to maintain Diabetes.

                Things that have helped me: clinicians I feel comfortable with, my support system at home, my medications, group counseling and treatment, Meditation, Mindfulness, Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). ((DBT is a therapy that was created to specifically teach those with BPD to manage their disorder as there are no medications to specifically help it, only medications to help with con-current diagnoses.))

                Just know, you are not alone in what you're dealing with.

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                  #9
                  Re: Bipolar Disorder

                  I would be interested to know what others say and do that make living with this easier or harder. I mean, some things are pretty obvious, like I would imagine Sally Sunshine chirping every day to "cheer up" would probably make you want to choke Sally Sunshine. I am not BPD, and I want to choke Sally Sunshine. What are the subtle, inadvertent things, though. It's those little things that ultimately become truly annoying. Or, conversely, the little things that sort of smooth the way.

                  "No, no, you're not thinking; you're just being logical." -- Niels Bohr

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                    #10
                    Re: Bipolar Disorder

                    Now this just can't be a coincidence. I'm even becoming emotional. Seriously, I feel the tears welling up.


                    I've been dealt such a rough hand at the game of life, lately. I can't control myself anymore, and because of that I've been pushing away those whom are most important to me. The people who actually care. They have abandoned me, and I can't blame them. I would've done the same had I been in their shoes. Now I'm trying to make amends while also making the effort to improve myself, but the journey is long and difficult.

                    Just yesterday my parents told me that they believe me to be Bipolar. I've been taking screening tests on the internet for the past two days, and while I know those aren't valid diagnostic tools, they do confirm that there might be a possibility. We will be seeking out help with a skilled professional from this point on.


                    Right now I only have my parents left, and of course they try their best to support me, but it simply isn't enough. I need more people to stand by my side as I battle my demons. Please. I need help. Before I do something irreversible to myself. I'm simply not strong enough on my own. I've tried. Heaven knows I did. But this is too much for me. I'm fighting the darkness, but still I feel it's icy grip on me, dragging me deeper and deeper down. I don't want this. Please. You don't have ot do much. A kind word or two is more then enough.

                    I'm sorry.
                    Last edited by Hagazusa; 11 Oct 2014, 14:03.

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                      #11
                      Re: Bipolar Disorder

                      Originally posted by Hagazusa View Post
                      Now this just can't be a coincidence. I'm even becoming emotional. Seriously, I feel the tears welling up.


                      I've been dealt such a rough hand at the game of life, lately. I can't control myself anymore, and because of that I've been pushing away those whom are most important to me. The people who actually care. They have abandoned me, and I can't blame them. I would've done the same had I been in their shoes. Now I'm trying to make amends while also making the effort to improve myself, but the journey is long and difficult.

                      Just yesterday my parents told me that they believe me to be Bipolar. I've been taking screening tests on the internet for the past two days, and while I know those aren't valid diagnostic tools, they do confirm that there might be a possibility. We will be seeking out help with a skilled professional from this point on.


                      Right now I only have my parents left, and of course they try their best to support me, but it simply isn't enough. I need more people to stand by my side as I battle my demons. Please. I need help. Before I do something irreversible to myself. I'm simply not strong enough on my own. I've tried. Heaven knows I did. But this is too much for me. I'm fighting the darkness, but still I feel it's icy grip on me, dragging me deeper and deeper down. I don't want this. Please. You don't have ot do much. A kind word or two is more then enough.

                      I'm sorry.
                      Hang in there.

                      You're certainly doing the right thing by seeking the help of a professional. Whether or not you have Bipolar Disorder itself or something else, these dark days will pass.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Bipolar Disorder

                        I'll spill what helps me. Those who've been here long enough know my story when I was having a full mental break down after a suicide attempt. I was off of work. Doing therapy. Doing meds. Doing a lot of research. In the midst of my out of control episodes some things helped:
                        ~mood chart every day for a good few months showed me what would trigger stronger mood swings. For me it was my period, not enough sleep and stress with change of routine.
                        ~Emotional hobbies. I did water color painting. I learned to knit. I did a lot of going to public gardens and just being outside. I can't tell you how painful it was to be out in the living world. But it helped me being around nature and people in a calm setting.

                        And now as I got that under control I'll give the most pragmatic advice that I know is waaay easier said then done.

                        DO NOT DO WHAT YOU FEEL. When you are first trying to cope with bi polar, your feelings are your enemy. They will lie to you. They are not factual. They are alarmists in disguise. You must learn to rule your rash actions and decisions with an iron fist. I used to have to go through a game of questions. Why are you feeling this? Is it situational or chemical? Is there a valid reason for this feeling or are you throwing in the baby with the bathwater? Eventually you learn to do this equation in your head extremely fast.

                        And also learning about your medical condition helps immensly. The more you know, the more power you have. You eventually find out that you have a medical condition. You aren't broken or damaged. You aren't a bad seed or a mistake. You have a medical condition and you can help control it.

                        Now these things take time and practice. But I also learned no one gives a shit about your bi polar. No one is going to give you a pass when you act like a complete emotional crazy person. And no one is going to cure you with pills only. YOU have to be your own advocate. YOU have to decide this is not the day to stay in your coffin of depression. YOU have to come out. You can't just take the pills and not do the work. You can't use your bi polar as an excuse. You have to take control of your life.

                        So. Hope that helps.
                        Satan is my spirit animal

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Bipolar Disorder

                          Originally posted by Torey View Post
                          Hang in there.

                          You're certainly doing the right thing by seeking the help of a professional. Whether or not you have Bipolar Disorder itself or something else, these dark days will pass.
                          Thank you, Torey.

                          - - - Updated - - -

                          Originally posted by Medusa View Post
                          I'll spill what helps me. Those who've been here long enough know my story when I was having a full mental break down after a suicide attempt. I was off of work. Doing therapy. Doing meds. Doing a lot of research. In the midst of my out of control episodes some things helped:
                          ~mood chart every day for a good few months showed me what would trigger stronger mood swings. For me it was my period, not enough sleep and stress with change of routine.
                          ~Emotional hobbies. I did water color painting. I learned to knit. I did a lot of going to public gardens and just being outside. I can't tell you how painful it was to be out in the living world. But it helped me being around nature and people in a calm setting.

                          And now as I got that under control I'll give the most pragmatic advice that I know is waaay easier said then done.

                          DO NOT DO WHAT YOU FEEL. When you are first trying to cope with bi polar, your feelings are your enemy. They will lie to you. They are not factual. They are alarmists in disguise. You must learn to rule your rash actions and decisions with an iron fist. I used to have to go through a game of questions. Why are you feeling this? Is it situational or chemical? Is there a valid reason for this feeling or are you throwing in the baby with the bathwater? Eventually you learn to do this equation in your head extremely fast.

                          And also learning about your medical condition helps immensly. The more you know, the more power you have. You eventually find out that you have a medical condition. You aren't broken or damaged. You aren't a bad seed or a mistake. You have a medical condition and you can help control it.

                          Now these things take time and practice. But I also learned no one gives a shit about your bi polar. No one is going to give you a pass when you act like a complete emotional crazy person. And no one is going to cure you with pills only. YOU have to be your own advocate. YOU have to decide this is not the day to stay in your coffin of depression. YOU have to come out. You can't just take the pills and not do the work. You can't use your bi polar as an excuse. You have to take control of your life.

                          So. Hope that helps.
                          You're absolutely right, Medusa. We do need to take full responsibility for our actions. That's what I've been doing for the past few weeks. I personally don't condone using medical conditions or circumstances as an excuse to wallow in self pity. To me that's a sign of mental weakness. And I am anything but weak. Just a little unwell.

                          And thanks for the advise. I believe it wil be very helpfull in the future.
                          Last edited by Hagazusa; 12 Oct 2014, 01:51.

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