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    #31
    Re: Expectations in SO Relationships

    Oh, Chain, I am sorry.

    I've always reminded my children of a case some years ago, where a young woman went missing not all that far from us. She was eventually found murdered but the point was that her family hadn't been worried because she never kept in touch. Never returned phone messages, texts, nothing. For them, not hearing was normal.

    For me, not hearing is freaky. I've just got to tell my family, 'I'm off to the market/hospital/doctors etc., will let you know when I'm back.' I remember many years ago, not long after Mr P and I got married, there was a time he was supposed to turn up to give me a lift home and he didn't. I was terrified, even though people kept saying not to worry, he'd just forgotten. Mr P didn't do forgetting (still doesn't). When eventually I got home I discovered he'd been in a four car pile up on his way to fetch me...

    I keep in touch with people because I love them. I don't tell them where they should be, what they should be doing. I just want us all to know we're okay. And if I come across as paranoid (and they're probably too polite to tell me) I can't help it.

    Cos honestly, sometimes it can be a big bad old world out there. And family is all I've got.
    www.thewolfenhowlepress.com


    Phantom Turnips never die.... they just get stewed occasionally....

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      #32
      Re: Expectations in SO Relationships

      Oops. There's something that didn't occur to me. Please don't misunderstand me, there. She died many years later, from cancer.

      'Hearing the news', there, was left open-end for a much different reason.




      "Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it." - Ayn Rand

      "Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth." - Marcus Aurelius

      "The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice." - Mark Twain

      "The only gossip I'm interested in is things from the Weekly World News - 'Woman's bra bursts, 11 injured'. That kind of thing." - Johnny Depp


      Comment


        #33
        Re: Expectations in SO Relationships

        Originally posted by ChainLightning View Post
        Oh my gawd. Children and other family members. The brings to mind a memory I long to forget.

        When my late stepdaughter was about 18, and the associated freedom of doing as she pleased arose, there was an episode that can only be described as nightmarish. She got off work one night but didn't call for a ride, as was the norm.

        Since cleaning up after the business day could last anywhere up to two hours or more, it was always a sort of waiting game, for the phone call to go pick her up.

        Two hours came and went. Three hours. We called the DQ and got no answer. I drove to the store, fully expecting to find a mangled and naked corpse, laying near the dumpster, or police all over the scene, something. Just fuckin' terrified. She and I had a small disagreement the day before, that still hung in the air between us.

        At the DQ, nothing. Nobody around. No sign of anyone or anything. Intensifying the sheer terror of what might have gone wrong. Alone, after closing time, a young woman, small for her age and very attractive, midnight... 1am.

        Back at home, no word. Panic is at full throttle. Wife is hysterical. Family is all awake and trying to track down whereabouts, contacts, help and friends. By 7 am, my wife has spoken with numerous hospitals, state and local police. Nobody has slept. The search continues.

        And continues.

        Just before dinner time, the next evening, the phone rings. We finally get the news.

        That sounds terrifying, not even the "news" at the end of the situation, but just the not-knowing what's going on and not being able to get ahold of anyone who can simply state "yep, (s)he's right here and safe."

        That really is the bottom line. It's not a trust issue, or an intent to cage someone, but the need to know that your family is safe and that, if something happens, you can know what, where, and when so you can be there for them if sh*t hits the fan. But like I said, I get very protective of my family.

        Comment


          #34
          Re: Expectations in SO Relationships

          Originally posted by ChainLightning View Post
          Oops. There's something that didn't occur to me. Please don't misunderstand me, there. She died many years later, from cancer.

          'Hearing the news', there, was left open-end for a much different reason.
          Not that I'm glad she passed of cancer but I'm glad she wasn't horribly murdered. I too misunderstood, thanks for clarifying.
          No one tells the wind which way to blow.

          Comment


            #35
            Re: Expectations in SO Relationships

            Originally posted by Bjorn View Post
            Not that I'm glad she passed of cancer but I'm glad she wasn't horribly murdered. I too misunderstood, thanks for clarifying.
            Geez. I'm sorry, Mike. I'll go modify the original post so that nobody suffers that particular shock, again.

            Again, my apologies to everyone.




            "Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it." - Ayn Rand

            "Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth." - Marcus Aurelius

            "The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice." - Mark Twain

            "The only gossip I'm interested in is things from the Weekly World News - 'Woman's bra bursts, 11 injured'. That kind of thing." - Johnny Depp


            Comment


              #36
              Re: Expectations in SO Relationships

              When my mother was alive, she would call me constantly *she was in a home for the mentally ill elderly* what a fun place that was! And she would just call 'Mija, I'm going to the market. Mija I'm going to the doc's'. I think she did it stemming from the death of my father. We both were left pretty jumpy about knowing where people are at.

              I think if you feel caged then don't be in a relationship. Absolutely nothing wrong with that at all. It's not your mind frame at the moment. No biggy.
              Satan is my spirit animal

              Comment


                #37
                Re: Expectations in SO Relationships

                [...deleted...]
                "Don't ever miss a good opportunity to shut up." - Harvey Davis "Gramps"

                Comment


                  #38
                  Re: Expectations in SO Relationships

                  Originally posted by ThorsSon View Post
                  [...deleted...]
                  Stop that!
                  poke poke poke
                  Satan is my spirit animal

                  Comment


                    #39
                    Re: Expectations in SO Relationships

                    Originally posted by Medusa View Post
                    Stop that!
                    poke poke poke
                    There was something that I needed to say... but people didn't need to read.

                    I wasn't smart enough to refrain from clicking "Post Quick Reply."... but I was, thankfully, quick enough to edit my post before anyone had read it.

                    So.. I posted something stupid, then deleted it, before anyone could read it.
                    "Don't ever miss a good opportunity to shut up." - Harvey Davis "Gramps"

                    Comment


                      #40
                      Re: Expectations in SO Relationships

                      I gotcha. It's ok.
                      Satan is my spirit animal

                      Comment


                        #41
                        Re: Expectations in SO Relationships

                        I really don't think relationships - close ones, anyway - suit everyone. And even for me, I'm the first to admit that if I wasn't in a relationship with Mr P, then I probably wouldn't be in one at all. I was widowed when we met (I was widowed at 25) and that hadn't been a particularly happy relationship. But this was, and is different. And i'm not arrogant enough to believe that anyone could have the same 'if only they worked at it.' Sometimes we can work like hell and it still doesn't pan out.

                        Recognising we don't want to be 'caged', tied down or whatever is probably the smartest decision some of us will ever make.
                        www.thewolfenhowlepress.com


                        Phantom Turnips never die.... they just get stewed occasionally....

                        Comment


                          #42
                          Originally posted by ThorsSon View Post
                          [...deleted...]
                          You're doing that a lot.

                          I have an overactivd imagination, and with the long distance drives its polite to let people know. Ive even had my old piano teacher ask me to check in with her when I arrive once.
                          ThorSon's milkshake brings all the PF girls to the yard - Volcaniclastic

                          RIP

                          I have never been across the way
                          Seen the desert and the birds
                          You cut your hair short
                          Like a shush to an insult
                          The world had been yelling
                          Since the day you were born
                          Revolting with anger
                          While it smiled like it was cute
                          That everything was shit.

                          - J. Wylder

                          Comment


                            #43
                            Re: Expectations in SO Relationships

                            Originally posted by Heka View Post
                            Originally posted by ThorsSon View Post
                            [...deleted...]
                            You're doing that a lot.
                            And I should probably *learn* to do that. With the spoken word, too. An obscure type of politeness, consideration and simple caring that I don't much possess (or, to be honest, even care to possess). Though, that caring-thing was not exactly TS's reasoning for *his* omission, I'm sure.




                            "Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it." - Ayn Rand

                            "Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth." - Marcus Aurelius

                            "The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice." - Mark Twain

                            "The only gossip I'm interested in is things from the Weekly World News - 'Woman's bra bursts, 11 injured'. That kind of thing." - Johnny Depp


                            Comment


                              #44
                              Originally posted by ChainLightning View Post

                              And I should probably *learn* to do that. With the spoken word, too. An obscure type of politeness, consideration and simple caring that I don't much possess (or, to be honest, even care to possess). Though, that caring-thing was not exactly TS's reasoning for *his* omission, I'm sure.
                              Its harder to take back the spoken word. But I don't know why you'd bother. Sounds boring.
                              ThorSon's milkshake brings all the PF girls to the yard - Volcaniclastic

                              RIP

                              I have never been across the way
                              Seen the desert and the birds
                              You cut your hair short
                              Like a shush to an insult
                              The world had been yelling
                              Since the day you were born
                              Revolting with anger
                              While it smiled like it was cute
                              That everything was shit.

                              - J. Wylder

                              Comment


                                #45
                                Re: Expectations in SO Relationships

                                As I said... in this particular instance, it was a case of typing up something to get it off of my chest, never intending to post it... then clicking "post" rather than "cancel," by accident. (I do this fairly often... but I don't usually click the wrong button)

                                In the previous instance, it was that I was updating my previous post, but had let too much time lapse, so I wasn't able to edit, so needed to post a reply, hoping it would be soon enough after the initial post that it would show up as an update... but Medusa had replied to me in the interim, and it made my "update" not make sense, since it would be taken in the context of a reply to her, rather than an update to my previous post... and it sounded very much like I was being dismissive of the things that she said about her father... so given the new context, I decided that what I had typed was no longer constructive or relevant to the conversation.
                                "Don't ever miss a good opportunity to shut up." - Harvey Davis "Gramps"

                                Comment

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