Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Loss of a friendship

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Loss of a friendship

    In life we gain and lose friendships...some people drift away, other ties are violently severed.
    In the past few months I have gained and lost several friendships. Sometimes it was an easy transition, as the friendship was dying anyway. Other times it struck deeply and really hurt.
    I have been thinking about an old friend a lot since I returned to my hometown. Our friendship was a rocky one throughout its life, but our bond was deep and we shared a great love for each other. This is one friendship I mourn for. I hate the way things ended and I hate that I was just cut away. Often I have been tempted to try and reconnect with this person, but just as I am about to start typing a message something inside of me says "no", and I close the tab or put away my phone.
    Throughout your life, is there a friendship that you truly mourn for? That you might not think of often, but when you do you really wish things could have been different? Or do you just regret the way it ended?
    sigpic

    #2
    Re: Loss of a friendship

    I've been the one to end a couple of those friendships. I have to remember there was a reason for it. You may not be the one who ended this friendship, but there was a reason for it whether you were or are aware of what that was. If your gut tells you "No!" each time you begin to reconnect, there is a reason you shouldn't whether you know what it is or not. The end of a friendship is never easy whether you are the one who ended it or the other person was. The fact that the friendship came to an end at all is a good reason to seriously take pause when considering trying to revive it.

    Comment


      #3
      Re: Loss of a friendship

      Yes, and no. I have had those deep, moving friendships - even maintained them for a few years (very few, a few decades). But the thing is - people grow and change. Heck, it's difficult enough to find a spouse that grows and changes in a way that's compatible with how you grow and change.

      I don't mourn my friends (well, unless they've died, in which case that's a different topic entirely). When we "decided" (either by actual choice, or simple apathy) to "stop" being friends (which is really a bad way to phrase it - they're still my friends...I just don't talk to them ever), we did so because we grew. Yes, we grew apart, but the important word there is "grew". Every time I'm able to gain, and peacefully (without malice) lose a friend, I am absolutely thrilled. I have improved someone elses life and they have improved mine, and nobody felt the worse for it. It's cozy.

      There are friends that I have broken off with for...other...reasons. Usually because they weren't good people for me to be friends with. Very frequently people with very bad behaviors - things that I did not want or need to be involved in (crime, hardcore drug use, crazy) and that would only decrease my own quality of life without doing anything for theirs. There are times I've made the clean break of, "Dude, I can't watch you do this anymore. I'm done." and walked away. And yes, I lament those times...mostly because of the wasted potential (and I've been proven right more often than not) than the loss of friendship. I grew apart from them. Our interests no longer shared common ground. Our behaviors were no longer compatible, nor were our foibles. At those times the break is hard, but easy...I know I'm better for it. I wish them my best, but I can't (and won't) give up my life for them.

      I am, for the most part, atypical though. I consider myself a pretty emotionally dead person...there aren't many that I would call "good friends", but everyone (good and acquaintance) gets the same treatment until they've shown me that they don't deserve it. At that point, friends may get other chances...acquaintances are dismissed...I don't have that kind of time or energy to fight someone else's issues from the ground up. I'm too old for that shit.

      Embrace change...it proves you're still alive.

      Comment


        #4
        Re: Loss of a friendship

        I find it kinda ironic that I saw this thread right after I recently had a fight with my "best friend" (she's an online friend, by the way)...

        Last summer, she and I had alot of fun. We talked pretty often, we went into Skype calls, we turned on our webcams, we played games together, we laughed, acted stupid, sometimes sang, she sometimes used to host livestreams for me to watch, etc. She happened to come when I needed her the most, and she also tried to help boost my confidence a bit. And usually, when one of us was upset, we'd try to be there for each other. She was also the one who found this forum for me when I felt more alone. I miss her.

        But lately, it hasn't been like that at all. I don't know what the deal is... I guess we grew to be not quite so compatible as friends. Not only that, but, as baffling as it is, she's also been emotionally abusing me lately. She would ignore me, call me annoying, throw me down, etc. Apparently, she said that the annoying part was to "get some time" between each visit (and it also apparently never occurred to her that it would make me upset too). I guess part of it was also that she wasn't used to having a more attentive friend. But even then, that shouldn't be an excuse to put me down like that.
        I tried to be polite about it, and I kept quiet about it for awhile so that I wouldn't hurt her feelings, but then, a couple days ago, it all finally snapped. During the fight, she even threatened to leave me as well.
        In the end, I guess she realized how badly this was actually going, because she asked if I still wanted to be friends with her or not, and she also told me that she understood if I didn't want to talk to her anymore.

        I did say yes to staying friends with her, except that it wouldn't be the same as it was. But even then, right now, it kinda feels like the friendship pretty much ended. And I'm at a point where I miss the good times that we had together.

        But I'm sure that it's time to move on. It was very upsetting at first, but I suppose it was for the best. At times, the best thing we can do is to move on- Every ending comes with a new beginning, after all. Doesn't it?

        Comment


          #5
          Re: Loss of a friendship

          Yeah i have friends like that i miss the illusion of me thinking they cared about me it hurts to grow apart from people. I rather have very few real friends then lots of fake ones.

          Comment

          Working...
          X