Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

"Snooping"

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    "Snooping"

    This topic came up at work today...

    When is it okay to snoop on your partner?

    Never? If you accidentally catch them doing something first? If you have evidence they are doing something but lied when asked? If you just suspect them of doing something?

    If you think it can be okay, do you think you are obligated to tell them about it?

    Would you confront them if you found something? What would be a "deal breaker" in your relationship?

    (and I guess this could be a cheating scenario, but it was discussed more as "something we've agreed isn't okay in our relationship" sort of thing...so maybe porn, or drinking, or strip clubs...either way, something that one partner let the other partner know what *not* okay with them)
    Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of HistoryPagan Devotionals, because the wind and the rain is our Bible
    sigpic

    #2
    Re: "Snooping"

    If you feel the need to snoop, you haz a problem already more then figuring out if you should snoop or not. I'm not my partner's parent. But I am their partner. If we hold each other up to 'rules' we both agree on, then I guess I would ask point blank. If I have to snoop and feel like your momma, I ain't gonna be sexually attracted to you. At all. That's just me.
    Satan is my spirit animal

    Comment


      #3
      Re: "Snooping"

      Originally posted by thalassa View Post
      This topic came up at work today...

      When is it okay to snoop on your partner?
      When you're ready to call it off.

      Comment


        #4
        Re: "Snooping"

        Never. Their life is their own damn business.


        Mostly art.

        Comment


          #5
          Re: "Snooping"

          You shouldn't need to snoop...

          Comment


            #6
            Re: "Snooping"

            I think snooping should follow the Constitution. If you have probable cause, then go right ahead, snoop away. Probable cause being whatever you feel is activity suspicious enough to snoop. Coming in at late hours, making up excuses to not see each other, sudden change in schedule, not being where they said they would be.

            Me personally, If I found evidence of cheating for instance, I wouldn't tell my partner at first. I would be especially sweet and amazing to my partner, manipulate them emotionally, and generally enjoy being one step ahead of them. Eventually, after having my fun, I'd pack their bags while they're at work, sit them by the curb, and change the locks. Obviously if it was a lesser crime, I'd have a different response. General lying, I would confront them with and we could work something out. But cheating when we have knowledged that we are monogamous, is the deal breaker. I don't mind strip clubs, because I'll most likely want to go to them, too.

            Comment


              #7
              Re: "Snooping"

              Girl, I have no words for you.
              Satan is my spirit animal

              Comment


                #8
                Re: "Snooping"

                Originally posted by Medusa View Post
                Girl, I have no words for you.
                Lol.
                I'm just keeping it honest. All I truly ask for is honesty and loyalty.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Re: "Snooping"

                  Originally posted by thalassa View Post
                  This topic came up at work today...

                  When is it okay to snoop on your partner?
                  disclaimer: You from this point till end of post is a hypothetical you not applying to any specific individual

                  If you feel they are keeping secrets that are potentially dangerous to them, you or those under your protection. The caveat is that by doing so you are displaying that

                  1) You don't trust them

                  2) You yourself cannot necessarily be trusted

                  As such, there is a non-zero chance that when you're done you won't be partners anymore. If you aren't willing to accept that possibility then don't snoop.
                  life itself was a lightsaber in his hands; even in the face of treachery and death and hopes gone cold, he burned like a candle in the darkness. Like a star shining in the black eternity of space.

                  Yoda: Dark Rendezvous

                  "But those men who know anything at all about the Light also know that there is a fierceness to its power, like the bare sword of the law, or the white burning of the sun." Suddenly his voice sounded to Will very strong, and very Welsh. "At the very heart, that is. Other things, like humanity, and mercy, and charity, that most good men hold more precious than all else, they do not come first for the Light. Oh, sometimes they are there; often, indeed. But in the very long run the concern of you people is with the absolute good, ahead of all else..."

                  John Rowlands, The Grey King by Susan Cooper

                  "You come from the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve", said Aslan. "And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth; be content."

                  Aslan, Prince Caspian by CS Lewis


                  Comment


                    #10
                    Re: "Snooping"

                    Originally posted by LeviImmortal View Post


                    Lol.
                    I'm just keeping it honest. All I truly ask for is honesty and loyalty.
                    Oh I feel you. And I might have done the same thing in the past. Or thought of it. But I'm Bi Polar. So that's a crazy person agreeing with you.

                    Plus you should be on Maury! They had a girl with a bag of evidence full of zip lock bags of panties. That weren't hers.
                    Satan is my spirit animal

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: "Snooping"

                      I don't feel that I would ever have to snoop - I would be honest if something was bothering me. There was a time when I might have snooped when I was severely mentally disturbed, but not today.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: "Snooping"

                        I think snooping is wrong.

                        I think though, doing the wrong thing isn't always a bad thing. Cheating, for example, is also wrong. What is more wrong--cheating, or (once you've discovered evidence of the cheating and having asked about it and having had it denied and then finding evidence again---"cheating" wasn't what occurred, but this is pretty much the progression of what occurred that prompted the discussion at work) confirming the the extent of the transgressions before a confrontation?





                        More questions---

                        What if they suspect that they are doing something that is dangerous, or something they have an addiction for?

                        ...say gambling? I mean...its something that affects both parties in the relationship. Or drug use...




                        What if its a parent and a child?
                        Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of HistoryPagan Devotionals, because the wind and the rain is our Bible
                        sigpic

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: "Snooping"

                          Parents have direct responsibility for the health and well being of their under-age children. Snoop whenever you feel that it might be useful and you're willing to tolerate angst. Addictions, gambling, other matters come close enough to my previous position of when there's a potential threat. Again, however, accept the non-zero chance that your relationship with the target will dramatically change
                          life itself was a lightsaber in his hands; even in the face of treachery and death and hopes gone cold, he burned like a candle in the darkness. Like a star shining in the black eternity of space.

                          Yoda: Dark Rendezvous

                          "But those men who know anything at all about the Light also know that there is a fierceness to its power, like the bare sword of the law, or the white burning of the sun." Suddenly his voice sounded to Will very strong, and very Welsh. "At the very heart, that is. Other things, like humanity, and mercy, and charity, that most good men hold more precious than all else, they do not come first for the Light. Oh, sometimes they are there; often, indeed. But in the very long run the concern of you people is with the absolute good, ahead of all else..."

                          John Rowlands, The Grey King by Susan Cooper

                          "You come from the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve", said Aslan. "And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth; be content."

                          Aslan, Prince Caspian by CS Lewis


                          Comment


                            #14
                            Re: "Snooping"

                            Originally posted by thalassa View Post
                            What would be a "deal breaker" in your relationship?
                            Well, what would be a likely deal breaker for me is if I found my partner had been snooping on me... I mean, there aren't really many situations where I feel I could justify snooping on my partner. I guess if I thought he was doing something really harmful to himself, or to me, I might consider it, and I might understand if he did it to me for those same reasons, but it would have to be something pretty serious, and there would have to be some pretty solid suspicions first.


                            Originally posted by thalassa View Post
                            What if its a parent and a child?
                            I think there's a bit more leeway here, but it also depends a bit on how old the child is, too. I mean, you ever met one of those parents who doesn't give their older teenager a single bit of privacy? Reads their email, internet IM logs, phone messages, journals, etc? I had a friend who had a parent like that in high school, she had absolutely no privacy, and it's not like she'd done something to prompt this, her mom had been like this since she was young. Friend moved out, it's been ten years since high school, and she still doesn't talk to her mom.

                            So yeah, if you're going to snoop on someone, there should probably be a good reason, and what is considered a good reason is different for each relationship.
                            Hearth and Hedge

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Re: "Snooping"

                              Originally posted by Medusa View Post
                              If you feel the need to snoop, you haz a problem already more then figuring out if you should snoop or not. I'm not my partner's parent. But I am their partner. If we hold each other up to 'rules' we both agree on, then I guess I would ask point blank. If I have to snoop and feel like your momma, I ain't gonna be sexually attracted to you. At all. That's just me.
                              Pretty much this.

                              The way I would say it is this: K'Roe and I have a great relationship. We also have private lives within that relationship. We both respect the other's need for privacy - if either of us ever felt the need to pry, it would mean that something has already gone terribly wrong.

                              The same has been true with my children - they need privacy, just like everyone else. They have it because, although I know they'll do stuff they're not supposed to do, doing them is part of maturing, and I've been able to trust their judgement to keep them out of serious harm.

                              If I saw signs that I could no longer trust them, that would be a different matter, and would indicate a problem right there.

                              When you know there is a problem, like an addiction, then you know, if you want to keep the relationship going, that you have to monitor. Both parties would be aware of it, in that case.
                              Every moment of a life is a horrible tragedy, a slapstick comedy, dark nihilism, golden illumination, or nothing at all; depending on how we write the story we tell ourselves.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X