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    Long-Distance/Military Relationships

    Hello, all. Not sure if this is the right place for this. If not, please move it to the appropriate forum.

    I'm currently in a long long distance relationship. I last saw my husband in January, and will not see him again until the end of next January. I got out of the Navy a few weeks after he left and moved home, however he is still in and is stationed in Japan. Due to money, billeting, and ships schedule it simply not possible for me to move out there or go visit.

    So, onto my question. Does anyone know any spells or anything to keep us close spiritually or emotionally? Communication definitely isn't the easiest thing in the Navy. Also, if anyone knows of any good ways to send good vibes or calming energy his way, I'd greatly appreciate it as the stress is taking its toll on his health. Anything else anyone thinks might be helpful is, of course, definitely welcome :^^:

    #2
    Re: Long-Distance/Military Relationships

    Well, my wife and I are currently enduring the long distance thing, though the time apart isn't quite as severe as your situation. We haven't seen each other since February, but she's going to be here in two days! We can usually see each other every three months or so, money and time be permitting, for about a week or two each visit until her Visa application gets cleared through the government.

    Communication wise, we use Skype ALL the time and various instant messaging systems, though I know that that can be difficult for you guys unfortunately. As for spells or anything like that, well ... A few days after we got married, we went together and got small bindrune tattoos on our forearms. Mine on my left and hers on her right, so that when we are together and hold hands, they touch. When things get too quiet and too lonely, I find myself rubbing or laying my hand over the rune and it makes me feel a bit better. Also, when we first got engaged, I gave her my Yggdrasil pentacle that I hadn't even taken off for ten plus years previous, and in return she gave me a silver arrowhead necklace. Again, when the sadness starts to kick in, I just close my eyes and hold on tight to the pendant. Sometimes it feels like it seems warmer against my skin, and I like to think that during those times it's because she's holding tightly to hers.

    I hope that helped a little bit. M&H

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      #3
      Re: Long-Distance/Military Relationships

      I had a thing (I won't call it a relationship, because it wasn't) with a guy stationed in Afghanistan for a while. We wrote a lot and sent messages and pictures on a regular basis. Keep the contact going! It'll make it feel less lonely.

      My boyfriend and I are moving to a new city and he's moving a few months before me, so I'm about to go through this soon. I don't think our situation is that hard, though. He'll be back 2-4 times per month and I can go see him once a month or so. Germany just isn't that big.

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        #4
        Re: Long-Distance/Military Relationships

        How open-minded is he in regards to "New Age" type things? My wife and I sometimes did visualisations where we would meet, sometimes in a forest or another setting - we would settle on a time to do them and try to see, the next time we spoke, if there were any things that were the same in our experiences. It was fun.

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          #5
          Originally posted by Torey View Post
          How open-minded is he in regards to "New Age" type things? My wife and I sometimes did visualisations where we would meet, sometimes in a forest or another setting - we would settle on a time to do them and try to see, the next time we spoke, if there were any things that were the same in our experiences. It was fun.
          That sounds awesome!!! How similar did it get??

          I'm away from my hubby a lot too, nowhere near that long. I think Thal willl have some good advice when she come along...
          ThorSon's milkshake brings all the PF girls to the yard - Volcaniclastic

          RIP

          I have never been across the way
          Seen the desert and the birds
          You cut your hair short
          Like a shush to an insult
          The world had been yelling
          Since the day you were born
          Revolting with anger
          While it smiled like it was cute
          That everything was shit.

          - J. Wylder

          Comment


            #6
            Re: Long-Distance/Military Relationships

            I feel bad complaining because I know a lot of other people are in worse situations, but I miss my boyfriend soooo much. He only moved away 2 weeks ago and we last saw each other on Sunday, but it's honestly the longest that I've been alone in a while. I work from home, so I'm feeling really isolated and lonely at the moment. I just want him to come home so we can eat dinner together and watch movies.

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              #7
              Re: Long-Distance/Military Relationships

              DanieMarie,

              I wouldn't feel bad consider the OP posted this on 11 Aug and was last here on 13 Aug so doesn't really seem like it was that important in-regards to what others might write.

              Personally I'm retired military and know there are a lot of ways a spouse can visit flying things like space A for instance. Communications wise every unit I deployed to got famgrams and email daily if not more. A number of them doing video chat, lots of MWR activities or connections as well as the Ships own Spouses Associations, Ombudsman programs, Command Master Chief (CMC). Heck even command sponsored for housing and such when the ship or unit is forward deployed and that is their home port. Not enough info in this to really say one way or the other.
              I'm Only Responsible For What I Say Not For What Or How You Understand!

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                #8
                Re: Long-Distance/Military Relationships

                yeah....we skype every day and send messages all the time (little texts and pictures). He's only 7 hours away, which is across the country in Germany but because I grew up in Canada, it still doesn't seem that bad. He's been so good at letting me know how much he loves and misses me, and I've been trying to show him the same, but it's just hard. We'll be together soon, though. I'm not in a military relationship (I posted here because it said "long-distance slash military")..he moved away for university and I'll be moving with him in a few months. It's just a hard stretch, y'know?

                I guess I shouldn't feel that I'm offending the OP, but I know other people on here are dealing with harder long-distance relationships than I am. A few friends in my personal life are as well. Like, one friend has a husband in the US and she can't join him yet because she has to wait for her Green Card to get processed. It's not a fast process and she's having a really hard time over it. I feel bad complaining about how much I miss Hannes, because our situation really isn't that bad :/

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                  #9
                  Re: Long-Distance/Military Relationships

                  I know its a lot easier to call the states than it was for me to call Europe or Japan. Every port we pulled into had phone cards and such that were super cheap to call the states and many had dedicated phone services that went direct dial to the states without an international operator. I know for me to call Spain from Greece for instance cost me almost three times as much for a couple minute call as it did for others on my team to call stateside for 20 or 30 minutes in the mid 90's. Calling Japan from the Phillipines was even harder even when calling from a military base.

                  Support wise surface ships I was on always had phone service when we were near land. Usually for 2 to 3 days getting weaker by day as we moved away from land but occasionally you could still use them. Emails and famgrams were everyday and some satellite comms were all the time so you could connect via that method from the ships library or other stations unless the ship was ordered to go silent for some reason, usually security purposes due to operations.

                  Flying Tigers was the passenger charter when I was stationed in Japan but had a lot of space A travel and not that difficult to get to the major base hubs. Many families would put up spouses and such for short periods or go in together to rent hotel rooms and such near the ports where the ships where making an extended port call. Lot of times the OMBUDSMAN, Wives Support Groups or such would know who was going when or even chartered flights and such. Yet the spouse had to make contact with those groups even when one was stateside.

                  On the surface the OP seems to be not only a new wife but also a young military wife. Figure if she has issues most times she could go to a local Naval base or activity and the CMC would contact the CMC on the ship to convey or find out situations. Can be done via other service elements but at times more difficult so would suggest the Navy first.

                  I'm a retired Chief Petty Officer and know we would often contact other commands for both formal and informal status or to convey information that affected / effected ships company and ships operations. The OP says her spouse is on a surface ship which makes it much easier than a sub to contact him and maintain communications. The subs I rode only got famgrams about once a week or mail call when they made port after X number of days underway. So sub is very much different than surface in that regard though emergency situations would still be passed to the sub right away during normal message traffic such as Red Cross messages or similar.

                  If billeting is an issue it suggest the spouse is an E-3 or below as many commands will not give base housing to E3 and below. Yet that is often driven by area as some area's give E3 and below housing while others say they must be E4 or higher.

                  I know one of the best methods to maintain contact and such was via care packages. Packages that had a little bit of everything from home, junk food, pictures, tapes or cd's just talking to them and saying how life was going or other things of a personal nature. My wife used to send one to me about every two to three months depending on where we were at and what type platform I was deployed on. Subs she'd give it to the LPO, LCPO or officer when deployed over a holiday and they would give them to us then.

                  Like I said though lots of ways to stay in contact and communicate with each other.
                  I'm Only Responsible For What I Say Not For What Or How You Understand!

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by DanieMarie View Post
                    I feel bad complaining because I know a lot of other people are in worse situations, but I miss my boyfriend soooo much. He only moved away 2 weeks ago and we last saw each other on Sunday, but it's honestly the longest that I've been alone in a while. I work from home, so I'm feeling really isolated and lonely at the moment. I just want him to come home so we can eat dinner together and watch movies.
                    I feel ya... hubby and I have been seperate 2 weeks, and its about to become 3. Its harder this time for some reason. Its not fair
                    ThorSon's milkshake brings all the PF girls to the yard - Volcaniclastic

                    RIP

                    I have never been across the way
                    Seen the desert and the birds
                    You cut your hair short
                    Like a shush to an insult
                    The world had been yelling
                    Since the day you were born
                    Revolting with anger
                    While it smiled like it was cute
                    That everything was shit.

                    - J. Wylder

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Re: Long-Distance/Military Relationships

                      Originally posted by monsno_leedra View Post
                      Personally I'm retired military and know there are a lot of ways a spouse can visit flying things like space A for instance.
                      Space A has to be one of the cooler perks provided to military personnel and their dependents.

                      Can't actually be overly useful because while I know of Space A, I don't know much about it or any of the other various logistical options and issues. I just get a kick out of that program.
                      life itself was a lightsaber in his hands; even in the face of treachery and death and hopes gone cold, he burned like a candle in the darkness. Like a star shining in the black eternity of space.

                      Yoda: Dark Rendezvous

                      "But those men who know anything at all about the Light also know that there is a fierceness to its power, like the bare sword of the law, or the white burning of the sun." Suddenly his voice sounded to Will very strong, and very Welsh. "At the very heart, that is. Other things, like humanity, and mercy, and charity, that most good men hold more precious than all else, they do not come first for the Light. Oh, sometimes they are there; often, indeed. But in the very long run the concern of you people is with the absolute good, ahead of all else..."

                      John Rowlands, The Grey King by Susan Cooper

                      "You come from the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve", said Aslan. "And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth; be content."

                      Aslan, Prince Caspian by CS Lewis


                      Comment


                        #12
                        Re: Long-Distance/Military Relationships

                        For 3 years we were separated for a year at a time and had a 3-week break where we were together once a year. It was horrible, and I will do anything to keep that from happening again during our lifetime.

                        The internet is an amazing thing, so are hand-made gifts and letters sent snail-mail. Skype, mmo's, and paying outrageous cell phone bills for real-time talking are what kept us from going mad (mostly). And the knowledge that it was a temporary situation.

                        We may have to face that again in the near(ish) future, but I'm hoping we'll be able to mitigate it.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Re: Long-Distance/Military Relationships

                          I know long distance relationships are tough, not that My Husband and I were are far apart as you. I was at university in Ponttyprid and My Husband (Then faience) was in Banbury, I did not have a computer or a mobile so it was phone calls from a call box or letters that we sent to each other. We got to see one another about every fortnight if we were lucky and it seemed like so much longer. As long as you both have the love you feel for one another you will always have the most strongest and powerful magic you will ever need!

                          Every one told us it would never last, but you know what 17 year (of marriage) 20 years since we first met, we are still together, still in love, and stronger than we have ever been!
                          When life hands you lemons make lemonade and find someone else who life handed them vodka and have a party.

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                            #14
                            Re: Long-Distance/Military Relationships

                            Hubby and I have been married almost 10 years now...our first 5 years were with both of us on active duty. The first year was with both of us on sea duty, the second with me at A school, then him deployed, the third was with him at C school, the fourth was with him on sea duty, and the fifth was with him on limdu and me on shore duty--the only time we were in the military and both in the same place. Then he got out because of his injury and went back to my hometown to find work, while I finished our time in out here...and we were in the same place for another year, and then he got a contracting job for the Navy while I was still in school. Finally, we both got settled in the same place, and voila, Hubby has a job where he gets sent on trips all over the place, for anywhere from 3 weeks to 12 months. Just like being in the Navy all over again.

                            Skype (or another equivalent), email, IM, cell phone, texting, etc. That's what we do. When we were on sea duty, obviously it was intermittent email...you sort of put your relationship on hold. It sucks, but that's how it goes. Right way, wrong way, and the Navy way--you just suck it up and hang in there til its over. When its shore duty, its not so bad--Skype dates are your friend....and emails because of the time difference. And don't overlook the value of a real-life letter. Every trip the hubby has ever gone one, he's mailed me one "I'm on my way home soon and can't wait to see you" letter...and I have every single letter. They are probably my most treasured thing he's ever given me...because he hates writing stuff by hand and he hates being mushy...and he does it anyway.

                            The thing is, you have to have the sort of relationship where you put honest and compassionate communication first. Before letting someone's honesty hurt your feelings, and before they let your honesty hurt their feelings. Its a simple fact that people in a relationship aren't going to like every single thing or decision the other does or makes. And sometimes, finding that out hurts. The trick is to be in control and take responsibility for your hurt feelings. Once you both can do that, then you can have honest and compassionate communication. And once you have honest and compassionate communication, you can talk about the stuff that bothers you and hear the stuff that bothers them in your relationship with one another, with out blame, and with acceptance. Whether you are near or far, that is (IMO) the single thing that makes or breaks any deep, long term relationship (whether it be romantic or not).
                            Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of HistoryPagan Devotionals, because the wind and the rain is our Bible
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