Re: I don't want my baby he has down syndrome
The reality is that not everyone can parent a child with special needs, whether they have a public infrasturcture that can support them or not.
I am blessed to have two healthy, beautiful, smart, and sassy kids. But before that I had a stillbirth at 26 weeks. And while the cellular analysis was inconclusive, some of the autopsy findings were consistent with Trisomy 18 (Edwards Syndrome). Unlike Downs Syndrome, children with Edwards syndrome rarely see their first birthday and likely die in their first week of birth, if they are born at all. Additionally (regardless of whether or not Edwards Syndrome was an issue), during my pregnancy, my doctor at the time failed to account for my hypothyroidism and do blood testing and medication adjustments (when I was finally tested at the end of my 2nd trimester, right before the stillbirth, I was severely undermedicated)--untreated maternal hypothyroidisim is linked to intellectual disabilities (they can be mild, or they can be an IQ below 85 in nearly 1 in 5 cases).
I've coached Special Olympics swimming, for two years I taught aquatic fitness for high school special ed kids, I've babysat two children with Downs syndrome (the kids were adopted by the same family), and I have a stepbrother with special needs that is about 10 years younger than I am...I am the last person to say that working with children with special needs isn't rewarding and that these children are not special. But that doesn't mitigate the reality that it is hard. It doesn't mitigate the reality that ever parent and family I have known (including my own) doesn't sacrifice everything (time, money, sanity, energy) to the health and welfare of these kids, above and beyond that of parenting a "normal" child. I don't think anyone decides to have a child and expects it to have special needs, unless it is something they know they have a chance of doing so--as an identified carrier of something like cystic fibrosis, etc or if they have a prior history*...when you decide to have a child, you expect that it will be "normal" and the miniscule statistical chance that you intellectually know might occur is completely on the back burner.
While I was crushed by my first pregnancy, over the years, I've developed a certain level of thankfulness about it. My hardest parenting challenge is a child with ADHD and anxiety/OCD...and we spend more (and we have *really* good health care) on his medication each month (not to mention CBT) than we do on gymnastics lessons...I wouldn't have the children I have now if the first pregnancy had turned out differently. And, as difficult as Sharkbait can be, I can only imagine the stress and expense of knowing your child will have life-long problems requiring life-long interventions that you won't be able to oversee because they will outlive you...and that you will be placing that burden on their siblings or in the hands of strangers. I might not like the reality that some people can't handle it, but I'd rather see any child with someone that will love them than someone that will resent them...and I can't judge them for something that I'm not sure how I would handle.
This child is incredibly blessed. He was born in a country with a terrible cultural outlook on special needs (not unlike our own only a few decades ago), to a mother that didn't want him because he wasn't perfect. And to a father that is moving mountains to make sure that he has the best life and love possible. This isn't a story about a mother that doesn't want her child--this is a story about a father that does.
The reality is that not everyone can parent a child with special needs, whether they have a public infrasturcture that can support them or not.
I am blessed to have two healthy, beautiful, smart, and sassy kids. But before that I had a stillbirth at 26 weeks. And while the cellular analysis was inconclusive, some of the autopsy findings were consistent with Trisomy 18 (Edwards Syndrome). Unlike Downs Syndrome, children with Edwards syndrome rarely see their first birthday and likely die in their first week of birth, if they are born at all. Additionally (regardless of whether or not Edwards Syndrome was an issue), during my pregnancy, my doctor at the time failed to account for my hypothyroidism and do blood testing and medication adjustments (when I was finally tested at the end of my 2nd trimester, right before the stillbirth, I was severely undermedicated)--untreated maternal hypothyroidisim is linked to intellectual disabilities (they can be mild, or they can be an IQ below 85 in nearly 1 in 5 cases).
I've coached Special Olympics swimming, for two years I taught aquatic fitness for high school special ed kids, I've babysat two children with Downs syndrome (the kids were adopted by the same family), and I have a stepbrother with special needs that is about 10 years younger than I am...I am the last person to say that working with children with special needs isn't rewarding and that these children are not special. But that doesn't mitigate the reality that it is hard. It doesn't mitigate the reality that ever parent and family I have known (including my own) doesn't sacrifice everything (time, money, sanity, energy) to the health and welfare of these kids, above and beyond that of parenting a "normal" child. I don't think anyone decides to have a child and expects it to have special needs, unless it is something they know they have a chance of doing so--as an identified carrier of something like cystic fibrosis, etc or if they have a prior history*...when you decide to have a child, you expect that it will be "normal" and the miniscule statistical chance that you intellectually know might occur is completely on the back burner.
While I was crushed by my first pregnancy, over the years, I've developed a certain level of thankfulness about it. My hardest parenting challenge is a child with ADHD and anxiety/OCD...and we spend more (and we have *really* good health care) on his medication each month (not to mention CBT) than we do on gymnastics lessons...I wouldn't have the children I have now if the first pregnancy had turned out differently. And, as difficult as Sharkbait can be, I can only imagine the stress and expense of knowing your child will have life-long problems requiring life-long interventions that you won't be able to oversee because they will outlive you...and that you will be placing that burden on their siblings or in the hands of strangers. I might not like the reality that some people can't handle it, but I'd rather see any child with someone that will love them than someone that will resent them...and I can't judge them for something that I'm not sure how I would handle.
This child is incredibly blessed. He was born in a country with a terrible cultural outlook on special needs (not unlike our own only a few decades ago), to a mother that didn't want him because he wasn't perfect. And to a father that is moving mountains to make sure that he has the best life and love possible. This isn't a story about a mother that doesn't want her child--this is a story about a father that does.
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