Weird dreams? What have I done wrong?

[AnaFae]

Ii'm not sure if that's the right place to post it, and I'm sorry I'm a noob ><
So all my friends(including my parents) keep saying that I should stop running away from my "gifts"; though my mom says she thinks I'm not ready yet. It's a family thing and most of us are have some sort of divination and ability to talk to deities and spirits etc...
I'm always been afraid of it because I have a mental illness and I'm afraid of making everything worse But recently I tried... I got enough courage to start looking and learning more about the gods I believe in (mostly the Norse Gods). And after convincing myself everything would be fine I started meditating and asked the gods if I had one that looked out for me(I was curious if I had a patron god or anything like that). But now I'm having very WEIRD dreams. The first dream I thought it was Thor and he was holding me down and choking me, then I dreamed with blind people, I also dreamed that Loki slapped my face and told me lots of trues I refused myself to hear. I dream that I was pregnant and raising kids! And I'm pretty I would sure never get pregnant because I'm not good with kids and I have no responsibility to care for myself lol My friends said that the first dream was actually Loki pretending to be Thor...
I'm dreaming a lot with Loki now after he said that; and most of the time he just says something I don't want to hear and look at me with disappointment.
I'm sensing that I'm not alone and if I distract myself for just one second I can hear a male voice talking to me. I'm also burning lots of cinnamon incense and eating much more than I'm used to(I'm recovering from anorexia but it's the first time in ages I can talk openly about it and eat as much of everything without feeling guilty or worrying much).

I think i found my patron God but I'm not sure of it?

[nbdy]

Fae, I can't help with Thor, but there are many knowledgeable people here. What I can offer is the advise to not be afraid.

[habbalah]

From a non-spiritual view, the weird dreams might not be related to your path. I started taking a new anti-depressant about three months ago, and for the first month, my dreams were vivid, weird, and extremely violent. Have you made any recent changed in your diet or meds?

I don't know how you feel about Loki, but maybe try leaving an offering and asking Him (or writing Him a letter) what He would like to tell you?

[AnaFae]

From a non-spiritual view, the weird dreams might not be related to your path. I started taking a new anti-depressant about three months ago, and for the first month, my dreams were vivid, weird, and extremely violent. Have you made any recent changed in your diet or meds?

The only thing I changed is that I'm eating more and I'm not binging or feeling guilty

I don't know how you feel about Loki, but maybe try leaving an offering and asking Him (or writing Him a letter) what He would like to tell you?

I think I might do just that! Thank you c:

[Medusa]

I have weird dreams when I eat spicy foods at night. Specifically chorizo.

[Rae'ya]

Firstly, I think it's very wise for you to keep some level of skepticism in the back of your mind regarding your mental illness. Not because this could make it worse, but because certain mental illnesses can make it a lot more difficult to learn discernment, which is what we use to tell the difference between an actual spiritual event and a delusion. Some people will claim that anything spiritual is a delusion, but the brain is a powerful organ that likes to use our subconscious to teach us things.

This...

... I also dreamed that Loki slapped my face and told me lots of trues I refused myself to hear.

... and this...

I'm dreaming a lot with Loki now after he said that; and most of the time he just says something I don't want to hear and look at me with disappointment.

Are common experiences of Loki. Pointing out painful truths, 'tough love' and forcing us to face ourselves are things that he is well known for.

Having said that, without knowing the nature of your mental illness, I would caution you to be careful about dealing with Loki at this point in time. I am not against Loki at all, and I think that he has some very valuable lessons to teach us. BUT... I don't think that his approach is helpful for everyone, and I think that he's not a good deity to work with if you lack discernment or have pre-existing self image issues. Contrary to what some traditional Heathens and reconstructionists think, he is NOT out to make you feel bad about yourself, or denigrate you or anything else. His followers tend to find him empowering and feel that his tough lessons and in your face attitudes increase confidence once you understand the lesson. But if you have pre-existing self confidence and image issues, it will be easy to miss the point of his lessons and take what he says in a negative light rather than from a place of learning and growth. So think carefully about that. If Loki is reaching out to you, it is perfectly okay to tell him that you aren't ready for his lessons yet. He might send you elsewhere to help you learn discernment first.

[AnaFae]

Hmm I have OCD and I think my mayor problem is that I try to discern too much(?) What I mean is that even if something is real my mind claim it as a delusion "Because I have a mental illness what else could it be I'm just crazy right?"And that's why Loki slapped me in the first place
Now that I think about it... it was kinda my fault It took me a long time to start accepting that the gods exists and to try to reach them. When they answer me I'm like "you only in my head sorry nop".
I'm babbling sorry, your answer as the most helpful! Really, I need to start accepting myself before accepting the gods in my life

[Gleb]

I second Habbalah here.

From own perspective, if it's really Loki, then you should listen to him, even if it's not something pleasant. After all, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Try leaving an offering to him and see how it turns out.
Best of luck, AnaFae! You'll do great!