Friendship troubles

[LadyDragon]

My friend and I are really close. But I'm Wiccan, and she's Christian. My family has a tradition, that, the year I turn 13, on the spring equinox, I get my first tarot deck. I was really excited, and my friend seemed happy for me. Then, I tried to tell her more about it, because she usually seems interested, but when I did she stopped paying attention and said, "That's nice." And stopped talking. The next day was Saturday, and I went over to her house. I tried to show her my new deck, and she got really mean and said, "Don't ever use those around me!" And walked away. But I was stuck there for the next 2 hours. Ever since, I've had this really trapped feeling. I can't explain it, but it almost feels like a knot in my stomach. I understand why she wouldn't want me to show her my tarot cards, but I don't understand why she couldn't tell me in a nicer way.

[Medusa]

Re: Friendship troubles

She's probably frightened. And when people are frightened because of what they don't know..they get defensive. God knows what her family is telling her about that sort of thing. But technically you are working with tools of da devil. So she's probably freaked out.

[monsno_leedra]

Re: Friendship troubles

I wonder if you'd be as accepting of what she, or anyone else for that matter, would try to force upon you?

Yes the cards were a gift and a marking of the rite of passage for you. Yet that is not a gift or rite of marking of passage for her. I can actually see where it would be both a potential fear assumption and challenge to her own spirituality. I can potentially see where it's also a slam against her life and how her rites of passage are revealed and applied. Your eager and proud of what you've been given and want to share it that I can understand. Yet is it fair to assume she should show an equal eagerness to accept or become part of it? Personally I think not.

You also have to consider the potential is there that this is the first chink in your friendship that shows your growing up and potentially away from each other. A chink that your putting pressure upon and causing it to pull apart by trying to push it upon her. Yet also a chink she is potentially trying to hold in place by not wanting to have it forced upon her nor making her see you in a form or position other than a friend.

I won't go into the tools of the devil type situation as that to me is the typical knee jerk assumption when dealing with anyone who identifies as a Christian. Just to clarify this is in no way a response to Medusa's posting.

[iris]

Re: Friendship troubles

However much you just want to share it with your friend, some things you will probably have to keep to yourself. As Medusa said, if she's brought up very Christian you're playing with forbidden stuff. She might just also be uncomfortable with it, and that's ok. If she asks you, tell her a bit, but don't force it on her - if she wants nothing to do with it, that's her choice and will have to be respected. You can still be friends, you'll just have to avoid that one topic - in time she might come around, but don't push her.

[thalassa]

Re: Friendship troubles

I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. It can be difficult to have friends that you can't share things with because of how they have been brought up. When I was your age I had something similar happen. She got over it, and we talked about it, but things were just wierd after that and we weren't the same as friends. I made new friends though, because I started high school shortly after and we were in different classes and groups. Ends up we didn't have enough in common other than living on the same block and walking to school.
friend ship just gets complicated as you get older

[anunitu]

Re: Friendship troubles

This is kind of interesting. My younger sister used to be into the occult(She was in her mid 20's) Recently I mentioned my beliefs while talking to her on the phone(We are both over 60 now) and she sounded kind of panicked about my being a Pagan(we had not talked for a long while)..so time changes people,what was adventure back in the day becomes fear from assumption of what things really mean. I found it interesting that she now views anything Pagan as suspect in her later years.

We live,and we grow,and we approach death with at least some idea of what our life meant..(Quote from me)

[DanieMarie]

Re: Friendship troubles

Maybe it would help to talk to her about it? Then you could figure out where her boundaries are and what topics she is comfortable with. From the sounds of it, she accepts your beliefs, but that doesn't mean she'd necessarily be comfortable with things that might go against hers.

[Willow]

Re: Friendship troubles

Sometimes all friends need is time to work through their thoughts on the matter.

I had a friend who was strict southern Baptist growing up, and he condemned me for my spiritual interests until we no longer talked about it (and eventually we lost touch for a few reasons). Later on, we reconnected and the subject came up again and he was entirely fine with all of it. Even the weird parts. He said he just needed time, needed to think through things, needed to "mature a bit and experience more of the world" (his words).

[Tylluan Penry]

Re: Friendship troubles

Friends don't agree on everything. There were many many things I could never talk about with my 'friends' - no, not even my best friend. And there's not a lot you can do about it. I ended up putting my friends into boxes - i.e. the friend I could talk to about music, the one with films, the one with books, the ones with politics and so on. This one is just going to have to be 'the friend without the spooky doodles/tarot.' Just remember her attitudes if she ever wants to foist anything onto you that you don't like.
However, when you begin to grow up and think about finding a partner, remember that they need to be an all round good friend. Have much higher standards then - you deserve them. I don't mean you have to agree on everything (Mr P and I certainly don't!) but you have to be at least able to talk about and discuss things evenly.
Best of luck - don't let it get to you.

[nbdy]

Re: Friendship troubles

It has been said that people who do not keep making new friends will be very lonely when they are old. Friends grow together and friends grow apart, friendships evolve and change. The important thing to remember is that it is not you, and it is not her, it is both of you growing and changing, and sometimes paths diverge to the extent that it is no longer possible to hold hands. Sometimes they come back together again and sometimes they don't; be open to either possibility, and keep making new friends.

The only part of a friendship I control is the type of friend that I am, so I try to be a good friend to those people I wish to have in my life. Even so, I cannot make any person be in my life if they do not wish to. Sometimes if the welcome mat stays out long enough they return, and sometimes I realize that they are no longer some one I want in my life. Friends grow together and friends grow apart, friendships evolve and change.

A personal story that might have bearing -- About 10 years ago we were friends with another family with compatible, similarly aged children. We hung out together 3-4 times a week, we rented a beach house together, we went camping together, etc. After a couple of years, the mom converted to Islam. We had no problem with this, but she was determined to surround her children with good Muslims. After a while she became disillusioned with her new faith and we started to see them again. It started to be like old times for a few months, and then she found a reform synagog that would let her convert. This time we were not Jewish enough, so we did not see them. After over a year she tried to reach out to us again, but we had moved on.