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Thread: A Second Self?

  1. #11
    Supporter Jembru's Avatar
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    Re: A Second Self?

    Thanks for the tip! It feels like the last 5 years have largely been one big long break from spiritual pursuits. Maybe on some level I felt that I'd gone as deep as I could handle, and needed to take a break to develop other aspects of myself, or just generally mature a bit (something this forum has been quite instrumental in actually).

    I'm hoping I'm a bit more prepared this time, and less likely to let my inner world leak into the real world. I'm trying to build a stronger foundation of grounding and psychic protection before I start getting in too deep. That said, I have, already jumped ahead and done some soul retrieval. Nothing too heavy really, although it was from quite a dramatic moment in my life. The worst thing that has happened, is that since finding that soul piece, I've gained a better perspective of time. That is, I have realised I'm not in my early twenties anymore. The first few days were a bit horrible. I found myself forced to assess what I've done (or haven't done) with my life so far, as I stood blinking and wondering how the heck I'd got here so quickly. Other than that, it's all been positive really. I'm driven to make an effort to rebuild and maintain old friendships.. and so I guess I understand why I'd become such an antisocial recluse over the last 11 years.

    There's a lot going on for me both spiritually and psychologically. I'd love to do my usual thing and just dump a load of information about my experiences here, but just this once, it feels too important, personal, special. I'm pretty sure it will all come out gradually here and there, over the next few months though. I'm very motivated right now, and I do think this second self work, was the force that set the ball rolling.
    夕方に急なにわか雨は「夕立」と呼ばれるなら、なぜ朝ににわか雨は「朝立ち」と呼ばれないの? ^^If a sudden rain shower in the evening is referred to as an 'evening stand', then why isn't a shower in the morning called 'morning stand'?

  2. #12
    Live and learn anunitu's Avatar
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    Re: A Second Self?

    Hmmm,not sure what you mean by second self,but I do ave that game Journey,my Daughter got it for me...
    MAGIC is MAGIC,black OR white or even blood RED

    all i ever wanted was a normal life and love.
    NO TERF EVER WE belong Too.
    don't stop the tears.let them flood your soul.




    http://www.paganforum.com/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=186&dateline=1330020104

    my new page here,let me know what you think.


    nothing but the shadow of what was

  3. #13
    Jr. Member Aster Thrakena's Avatar
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    Re: A Second Self?

    Jembru! I love this so far! You have wonderful mediations! I believe everyone's meditation is there own, so I can't really give insight or suggestions besides these:
    Be careful. If you ever feel uncomfortable back away, immediately.
    Trust your gut
    and I think you know more than you recognize.

    I have been meditating but I am NOT good at it. I fall asleep super easily....also I can only go places with the deities I worship pull me somewhere (which happens once a month usually...if that). So I applaud you for this amazing visualization you can remember and express in words! I hope you will keep us updated as you go! I look forward to you uncovering yourself and your adventures!

  4. #14
    Supporter Jembru's Avatar
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    Re: A Second Self?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aster Thrakena View Post
    Jembru! I love this so far! You have wonderful mediations! I believe everyone's meditation is there own, so I can't really give insight or suggestions besides these:
    Be careful. If you ever feel uncomfortable back away, immediately.
    Trust your gut
    and I think you know more than you recognize.

    I have been meditating but I am NOT good at it. I fall asleep super easily....also I can only go places with the deities I worship pull me somewhere (which happens once a month usually...if that). So I applaud you for this amazing visualization you can remember and express in words! I hope you will keep us updated as you go! I look forward to you uncovering yourself and your adventures!
    Aww, thanks for that! ^^

    Have you tried sitting up to meditate? Or does that not help? I was falling asleep, or losing concentration too, so I started to make time after getting out of bed, to sit quietly. That helped (although I still visit Rotokia while falling asleep.. it's too much of a habit now!).

    I went somewhere amazing this after noon actually. We had a team meeting at work, so even though I'd just finished a 10 hr night shift, I had to stay up until 1pm! Then I had another shift tonight. So I was very, very tired by the time I went to bed. Sometimes if I'm overtired, I won't sleep, so I took half a sleeping-pill.

    Then as I was drifting off I started to see something I've seen in a vision once before about 12 years ago. It was like hundreds of animals all tightly overlapping one another, with faerie-like beings intermixed. I felt completely wrapped up in this image, as though I had 360 degree vision. The beings were moving around, some noticing me, most just going by as though I wasn't there. It seemed like there was a dull humming, only I couldn't hear it, just feel it. I wanted to explore and after a while the animals and faeries cleared and I felt as though I was in water. This had animals and small black mermaids with no face besides red eyes and mouths, but they weren't crammed on top of one another. There was much more space between them. I wanted to swim, but my main guide called me back. Then... I fell asleep.

    It was a pretty cool place!
    夕方に急なにわか雨は「夕立」と呼ばれるなら、なぜ朝ににわか雨は「朝立ち」と呼ばれないの? ^^If a sudden rain shower in the evening is referred to as an 'evening stand', then why isn't a shower in the morning called 'morning stand'?

  5. #15
    Supporter Jembru's Avatar
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    Re: A Second Self?

    I've been on the fence as to whether or not to share this for a little while now, but I've decided I would like discuss my findings and see how they compare to the experiences of others.

    Some might recall that I've been making a concerted effort to get over my body image issues. Under eating and generally hating my reflection are not the only ways I've created disharmony with my body. I also self-harmed in my early twenties, and after leaving Japan, I was in such a distressed state that I tried to end my life. The only reason I'm here now, is that a weird coincidence made my mum work out what I'd done. My dad and sister kicked down the front door, and I was taken to hospital where my dad was told I was hours away from organ failure. I mentioned in my last post, that I did some soul retrieval. Well it was that day I went back to to find the piece.

    There's a point to this admission. Remember the horse? For those who don't, I was deeply affected by a story in an elementary school textbook a few months ago. In the story a boy found a white foal, that grew into a beautiful white horse. The boy loved him like a brother. A land owner then tricked the boy and took the horse. The horse managed to run away, but was shot at with arrows. All the same, he continued, weak and bleeding, to return to the boy and his family. Despite their efforts, the horse couldn't be saved and died in the boy's arms.

    After this, I started to see White Horse in my second world. There are other animals there but WH is the most prominent.

    Then recently, I made myself a guided journey to meet with my body and make amends for the harm I've caused it. I was expecting to meet a clone of myself.. that's what my body looks like after all. Instead though, I found myself standing before White Horse. He was in a poor state, as if overworked and malnourished. It took my breath away to realise that White Horse is my body. I cried, and clasped my arms around his neck and he was soaked in sweat, his muscles trembling. It was then that I saw the arrows in his hind quarters. He was injured, and still, in his loyalty he had kept on running.. for me.. like in the story. Our story doesn't need to end with WH's death though. I can write a better ending.

    A horse can be seen as a vehicle, but they give us more than just transport. They're living creatures. They need our compassion and respect.. they need good nutrition and health care. They need exercise and space in their lives to be free and behave like a horse.

    Bodies are a lot like that. They're more than just a vehicle. We often don't appreciate how important our bodies are until they start failing us.. I don't want to be like that. I want to care for, protect and respect my body... I owe it to myself, and to White Horse.

    Ironically, it was a pony that caused me to go on my first ever diet. People called him ugly, and teased that he was a mule or donkey, but he was my whole world. He could only carry up to 7 and a half stone though. I was desperate not to out-grow Sandy, and thus started my first crash diet aged 14. The thing about Sandy is that while he was no Arabian stallion, he was still perfect in every way. Horses come in all shapes and sizes, all colours.. they're built for different roles, with some being strong, others are built for speed.. but they're all perfect in their own way. So it is with bodies..

    So now I understand this second world a bit better. I may be my 'second self' when I'm there, but the place itself represents me as a whole. I'm sure I'll work out what aspect of me each of the other creatures represents over time!
    夕方に急なにわか雨は「夕立」と呼ばれるなら、なぜ朝ににわか雨は「朝立ち」と呼ばれないの? ^^If a sudden rain shower in the evening is referred to as an 'evening stand', then why isn't a shower in the morning called 'morning stand'?

  6. #16
    Moderator Azvanna's Avatar
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    Re: A Second Self?

    Oh my goodness Jembru!! I am so glad we still have you here. I'm so glad you've come to see White Horse as your body. What a life-changing moment for you. Our bodies are so very sacred. I have a lot to learn about this too. Each has their special qualities and their limitations. I'm just now appreciating that maybe you even showing the profile of your face in your avatar was a bold move for you. You are a treasure.

  7. #17
    Supporter Jembru's Avatar
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    Re: A Second Self?

    Quote Originally Posted by Azvanna View Post
    Oh my goodness Jembru!! I am so glad we still have you here. I'm so glad you've come to see White Horse as your body. What a life-changing moment for you. Our bodies are so very sacred. I have a lot to learn about this too. Each has their special qualities and their limitations. I'm just now appreciating that maybe you even showing the profile of your face in your avatar was a bold move for you. You are a treasure.
    Thanks for the comment and words of encouragement!

    It's weird, but after a short while working with this new concept of White Horse, my attitude towards my physical self is improving, but I'm starting to feel inadequate about external things like my home and possessions, my mediocre income and lack of any social status. I never used to care about these things before, because I could see plainly that I was happier in my work-life and got more pleasure out of the simple things than many of my higher achieving friends. That always meant more to me than money and status symbols. I wonder though, if trying to fit some ideal body shape or whatever, was my attempt to have something others can admire, so I'm not an all-round failure.. just largely a failure.

    I guess this means I still have a way to go before I feel fully content, assuming that's even possible. In time, the other creatures in my second world will surely reveal their own unique lessons to me, and it's my hope that each one will bring me closer to happiness.
    夕方に急なにわか雨は「夕立」と呼ばれるなら、なぜ朝ににわか雨は「朝立ち」と呼ばれないの? ^^If a sudden rain shower in the evening is referred to as an 'evening stand', then why isn't a shower in the morning called 'morning stand'?

  8. #18
    Bronze Member magusphredde's Avatar
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    Re: A Second Self?

    Sometimes when there is a change within we feel something needs to change outside ... Could mean anything from relocating, changing careers or as simple as a few new plants in the yard or a new color for the front door ... Remember, things that are meant to happen (changes included) do so when they are supposed to ...
    I won't be wronged. I won't be insulted. I won't be laid a-hand on. I don't do these things to other people, and I require the same from them ... John Bernard Books


    Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official; "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

    The Chief nodded in agreement.

    The official continued; "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

    The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied.. "When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine Man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex."

    Then the chief leaned back and smiled; "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."




  9. #19
    Supporter Jembru's Avatar
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    Re: A Second Self?

    Quote Originally Posted by magusphredde View Post
    Sometimes when there is a change within we feel something needs to change outside ... Could mean anything from relocating, changing careers or as simple as a few new plants in the yard or a new color for the front door ... Remember, things that are meant to happen (changes included) do so when they are supposed to ...
    Now that's interesting.. because I've started redecorating the bathroom. The fact that I have to wait until at least next week before I can get my wallpaper is one of the things I've been getting myself worked up about. As soon as I has decided I want to change it, I've been unable to rest in there.
    夕方に急なにわか雨は「夕立」と呼ばれるなら、なぜ朝ににわか雨は「朝立ち」と呼ばれないの? ^^If a sudden rain shower in the evening is referred to as an 'evening stand', then why isn't a shower in the morning called 'morning stand'?

  10. #20

    Re: A Second Self?

    Reading this thread has been fascinating. Thanks for openly sharing it all!

    About changing external situations, I don't want to be a downer but this sounds quite familiar to me as a person with anxiety issues: when one thing is gets "fixed", attention and anxiety pick another target. Of course it is a positive change to care about your surroundings instead of obsessing over the body but I'd be cautious not to make it the next project that has to be 100% controlled and perfected.

    Take it easy, enjoy the journey and keep us posted!

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