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If you're here it is because you are supposed to be! The path already taken was the only path to take! This is how I look at it, and it helps me out regularly!
I've wonder the same.... I just recently got out of a very abusive friendship of three years. The new me says, "no" often and I have a bit more self-respect for myself than I did within the relationship. I do wonder if it would have happened if I had never known him or was it meant to be. Was it something that I would have become on my own. When he met me, I was a complete doormat for others, that's what he liked about me most I think. But the end of it, I got too strong and stood up for myself and actually told him "No! I'm not going to do what you want from me anymore!" He was shocked, surprised, then got angry and left without a word. And it's been six months now without him for a "best friend", but I know I did the right thing. This new me, I do wonder sometimes if I owe him my thanks for getting me to this point, or if I owe myself the thanks, or was this inevitable in the first place... the person I was always meant to be all along. ^_^
Oh I feel your frustration! I do this to myself all the time. In particular, the horrible man I met just after graduation who convinced me he loved me just to use me for free trips to a foreign country. I sometimes still get very bitter about him because I lost everything because of him.. however, I also then gained a lot through the choiced I made as a direct result of his cruelty (besides the liver damage when I took over 80 paracetamol on Halloween that year).
There are others.. the German tw*t. I wish I'd never got mixed up with him. I wish I hadn't changed so much of my self to try to please him and I wish, oh how much I wish, that I had just told him, to his face what an absolute wanker of a human being he was. Instead, I made excuses for him, forgave him and was absolutely devastated when he decided to cut all ties with me. I deserved it of course. One of the downsides of having an obsessive personality is the inability to accept failure, and that includes failed relationships. This made it very hard for a friendship between us to work. All the same, I never want to give anyone that kind of power over me again..
So I know how disturbing the 'what ifs' can get. I try though, to just celebrate the fact that I have had many varied experiences, I know pain, but can appreciate the good times. I'm not sure I can boast I have grown though. As a kiddult.. a woman who really severely struggles to grow up. I seem to repeat mistakes. Unfortunately, my learning style is to require much repitition and this seems to apply to life as well as books. Mind, I suspect I'm not alone in feeling that I am an eternal child, I think I am just more outspoken about it and it's more obvious to others because I'm small and dress like a child.. not that I can afford to dress like an adult.
It's good to blog about such things though. I kind of like this idea of huddling together and getting the painful memories off our chests. It helps so much.
There are others.. the German tw*t. I wish I'd never got mixed up with him. I wish I hadn't changed so much of my self to try to please him and I wish, oh how much I wish, that I had just told him, to his face what an absolute wanker of a human being he was. Instead, I made excuses for him, forgave him and was absolutely devastated when he decided to cut all ties with me. I deserved it of course. One of the downsides of having an obsessive personality is the inability to accept failure, and that includes failed relationships. This made it very hard for a friendship between us to work. All the same, I never want to give anyone that kind of power over me again..
So I know how disturbing the 'what ifs' can get. I try though, to just celebrate the fact that I have had many varied experiences, I know pain, but can appreciate the good times. I'm not sure I can boast I have grown though. As a kiddult.. a woman who really severely struggles to grow up. I seem to repeat mistakes. Unfortunately, my learning style is to require much repitition and this seems to apply to life as well as books. Mind, I suspect I'm not alone in feeling that I am an eternal child, I think I am just more outspoken about it and it's more obvious to others because I'm small and dress like a child.. not that I can afford to dress like an adult.
It's good to blog about such things though. I kind of like this idea of huddling together and getting the painful memories off our chests. It helps so much.