Coming out of the Broom Closet

[Starless]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

My family still doesn't know. I see no reason to tell them. I'd tell the truth if they asked, but I'm not going to go up to my mother and say, "hey, btw, I'm not the good Christian you assume I am." That would probably get me dragged into church. ;P

[EndlessCravings]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

My sister snitched on me. I was so pissed.

[Vigdisdotter]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

There was no coming out of the closet for me, because there was never a closet to begin with. I Had a pretty open relationship with my family and they knew exactly what books I was reading, what websites I was surfing and what groups I was attending.

Personally, I think the whole concept of the "broom closet" is a dreadful one that makes people think their only options are "in" or "out". This is not the case. Rather one's level of openness vs. Discretion is entirely dependent on who you are with. Most people just don't have a right to know all the aspects of your life. So it's perfectly alright to NOT tell them the reason you're unavailable on Saturday is because you're going to a Mabon ritual. Doing that doesn't put you in the broom closet.

[Wickedjr89]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

Some close friends know but my family is all conservative christians who think any pagan is a satan worhshipping devil that should rot you know where. I think some of my family might just be upset and disappointed but not disown me, others...i'll be shocked if they don't disown me. So far i'm still in the broom closet to all my family. I hate it, I hate "pretending" even though I haven't lied as I haven't needed to so far, I just never brought it up. They know i'm a liberal in terms of politics, some of them are ok with that, some like my dad never stop with the drama and arguments that go no where...it doesn't matter if you're calm and polite and show a lot of evidence for something, they won't hear it.

I am sick of it though. My fiance is okay with it and all as are some close friends, my best friend is also Wiccan. I have friends of all beliefs though and they are all fine with it. We all respect each others beliefs. My family is another story though.
I have decided (like recently) that I will stop pretending. I'm not going to shout it to the heavens or anything like that but if it gets brought up, I will calmly admit i'm Wiccan. I'll answer any questions i'm sure they will have. I will use every ounce of patience in me if need be to not get angry with them because that won't help anything, no matter what they do. If some disown me, so be it. I can't live in a closet anymore!

I'm also bisexual, which to my family is worse than being gay or any other non-straight sexuality. I tried to come out to them when I was 13 on that. My mom cried and they all said it was a "phase" i'd get over....i'm 24 now...it's not a "phase". They say bisexuals are confused and greedy and selfish etc. I ended up with a man, though I lean towards women, so i'm not sure there is any reason to tell them that i'm bisexual, though I refuse to lie anymore if it ever comes up but I doubt that will. Sorry that's a bit off topic I guess.

[Malflick]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

Some close friends know but my family is all conservative christians who think any pagan is a satan worhshipping devil that should rot you know where. I think some of my family might just be upset and disappointed but not disown me, others...i'll be shocked if they don't disown me. So far i'm still in the broom closet to all my family. I hate it, I hate "pretending" even though I haven't lied as I haven't needed to so far, I just never brought it up. They know i'm a liberal in terms of politics, some of them are ok with that, some like my dad never stop with the drama and arguments that go no where...it doesn't matter if you're calm and polite and show a lot of evidence for something, they won't hear it.

I am sick of it though. My fiance is okay with it and all as are some close friends, my best friend is also Wiccan. I have friends of all beliefs though and they are all fine with it. We all respect each others beliefs. My family is another story though.
I have decided (like recently) that I will stop pretending. I'm not going to shout it to the heavens or anything like that but if it gets brought up, I will calmly admit i'm Wiccan. I'll answer any questions i'm sure they will have. I will use every ounce of patience in me if need be to not get angry with them because that won't help anything, no matter what they do. If some disown me, so be it. I can't live in a closet anymore!

I'm also bisexual, which to my family is worse than being gay or any other non-straight sexuality. I tried to come out to them when I was 13 on that. My mom cried and they all said it was a "phase" i'd get over....i'm 24 now...it's not a "phase". They say bisexuals are confused and greedy and selfish etc. I ended up with a man, though I lean towards women, so i'm not sure there is any reason to tell them that i'm bisexual, though I refuse to lie anymore if it ever comes up but I doubt that will. Sorry that's a bit off topic I guess.

:/ I'm super sorry your family isn't understanding of all of that. I don't think its off topic-- Its all part of the broad topic of trying to have people understand you and them not doing it.

I wish you lots of luck... Living with a mask like that is hard, so I hope you can live freer and more open eventually <3

[GardenOfShadows]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

My family is primarily Southern Baptist with some Pentecostal and Non-Denominational thrown in the mix. The biggest discussion of religion I had with my parents included the sentence "I respect their right to be wrong". Until I'm financially independent, there is no way in hell I'm telling my family that I'm no longer a Christian.

[Black Moon Wolf]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

When i told my mom i was Wiccan at 14 she started crying and then told everyone i was a "Satan worshiper" and i was just trying to rebel. lol. So it didn't go so great. Everyone just thought i was trying to get attention because my mom is a pretty big christian. And she's kind of one of the crazy ones who believes listening to Ozzy can bring "Satan" in your home... So after i moved out my dad and step-mom were fine with it, my step-mom even leaned to being Wiccan although to me she doesn't act like one. My dad is atheist big time so he was fine but he would tease me a little bit. After i told my family though i wasn't scared to tell anyone. If someone is going to judge my because i believe i "godS" and not "God" i don't need them. A persons faith and belief is there own, not for everyone else so everyone in my life knows what my religion is. If someone asks about it i love to tell them but now if i'm ever around my mom and she asks why there is a pentacle hanging from my rear view mirror or a bag of stones in my car, i just tell her "you don't want to know" to avoid a fight over "Satan worship". I will say when i told my fiance (who is very non religious, i have no idea if he is atheist or agnostic) he kinda thought i was like a witch from the movies that could turn him into a frog.... he seriously was kinda nervous when i talked about casting... and it took him a long time to be okay with me having an alter... lol I did a tarot reading once for him and he got kinda freaked out (i have no idea what he was asking i just read the cards) and then i read for his brother and his brother actually got so freaked out with whatever answer he got he didn't really talk the rest of the night. So i just do my own thing but i mostly had negativity when i told people, i just didn't let it affect me.

[Chris the Bold]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

Just told my mother yesterday that I was Heathen. She was trying to get me to go to church and take communion. She's very Christian, though not like a zealot or hypocritical, she actually follows that teachings of Christ and his disciples. I just said "mom, lets talk about religion, I'm not a Christian anymore. Haven't been for awhile." and she just ignored me and changed the subject. I was a bit hurt, but I suppose I can understand, she's always been a very protective mother and a bit of control freak, but I know she still loves me just the same.

On that note, I think my father could care less lol.

[anubisa]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I think it is hard to come out to your family. I still haven't come out to my grandmother because she is a major catholic. Luckily, my mom is an accepting person and I have already come out to her and she knows that I am a wiccan. I hope that everyone has an easy time like I did.

[SeaTurtleSwims]

Were you ever a pagan &amp;quot;in the closet&amp;quot;?

I am a "closet" pagan. It's true. Not with certain friends, but with others. And at work. And in class (As a wildlife biology major it's hardly credible.) Not at work, don't want to scare off my pet parents, I work on commission teaching Fido how to heel! And not back home either. I just transferred schools- I am now an official resident of the Bible Belt, USA. Not a single metaphysical shop for hours, not even a palmist. The last student led pagan group? Hasn't been active since 2006. It's completely awful. I have many pagan/wiccan/strega friends at my old university (too bad I graduated!) But I don't mind any of this- school is temporary, no one should ever bring their religion to work and I expect friends to have different views! We complement ourselves in our differences.

What bothers me is that I, pagan with highly shamanistic tendencies can not talk about my faith to my parents. I grew up at a Christian school where the good ole guys like Rush and O Riley and Pat Robinson are the only truth in this world, and certainly the only thing my father plays on TV. My mom is a very warm person, but it would hurt her if she knew. I guess now that I'm getting older, I'm starting to hear a pesky little whisper in my ear "you can't hide forever". Had to lie about what I did on Halloween/Samhain... again! Have you ever heard the song "the christians and the pagans" by dar williams? In a perfect world

I can't believe I have literally measured an eastern timber rattle snake during my last internship and can't even face my own parents! I'd rather take on another venemous snake....

What has been your "coming out" story? Advice?

- - - Updated - - -

Sorry, still new and realized there's a lengthy thread like this already. When I figure out how to delete, I will.

[Willow]

Re: Were you ever a pagan &quot;in the closet&quot;?

You can't delete.

If it helps at all, I never 'came out' to my parents. Mostly because I can't realistically call them "parents." For the time being, I have to have contact with them on a regular basis due to my financial situation. But if they were the actual loving, supportive, unconditionally accepting parents that I hear all about... I would think that they would want to know what makes their child feel whole.

Unfortunately life is more complicated than that, but I've heard different methods ranging from testing the waters with choice statements to having a sit-down and laying it out for them all at once. More often than not, the end result (that I've heard of anyway) ends better than most people fear it will.

[Malflick]

Re: Were you ever a pagan &quot;in the closet&quot;?

I have heard the song "the Christians and the Pagans" and it can be like that ! But sadly, some people just wont open their hearts up to accepting people who are different from themselves. I'm sorry you're afraid to tell your parents, and sadly you probably have good reason to be ....

I hope you can be open about it to other people in your life....

[alternatingSelves]

Re: Were you ever a pagan &quot;in the closet&quot;?

I guess I still am? coming out as gay was shitty enough. don't plan to redo the process if I can avoid it

[MaskedOne]

Re: Were you ever a pagan &amp;quot;in the closet&amp;quot;?

Sorry, still new and realized there's a lengthy thread like this already. When I figure out how to delete, I will.

Not a problem, merged your thread with an older one.

[Soger]

Re: Were you ever a pagan &amp;quot;in the closet&amp;quot;?

I am a "closet" pagan. It's true. Not with certain friends, but with others. And at work. And in class (As a wildlife biology major it's hardly credible.) Not at work, don't want to scare off my pet parents, I work on commission teaching Fido how to heel! And not back home either. I just transferred schools- I am now an official resident of the Bible Belt, USA. Not a single metaphysical shop for hours, not even a palmist. The last student led pagan group? Hasn't been active since 2006. It's completely awful. I have many pagan/wiccan/strega friends at my old university (too bad I graduated!) But I don't mind any of this- school is temporary, no one should ever bring their religion to work and I expect friends to have different views! We complement ourselves in our differences.

What bothers me is that I, pagan with highly shamanistic tendencies can not talk about my faith to my parents. I grew up at a Christian school where the good ole guys like Rush and O Riley and Pat Robinson are the only truth in this world, and certainly the only thing my father plays on TV. My mom is a very warm person, but it would hurt her if she knew. I guess now that I'm getting older, I'm starting to hear a pesky little whisper in my ear "you can't hide forever". Had to lie about what I did on Halloween/Samhain... again! Have you ever heard the song "the christians and the pagans" by dar williams? In a perfect world

I can't believe I have literally measured an eastern timber rattle snake during my last internship and can't even face my own parents! I'd rather take on another venemous snake....

What has been your "coming out" story? Advice?

- - - Updated - - -

Sorry, still new and realized there's a lengthy thread like this already. When I figure out how to delete, I will.

For what its worth here is what I did. To give you some background My family is VERY Catholic. In fact I almost never existed. My mom had joined a convent for a while. Luckily for me she did not stay. Never the less her faith is a BIG part of her and her life. I had a weekly debate for 6 months about my wife and I's decision to NOT baptize our daughter. I spent 3 months arguing that I was NOT going to have a Catholic priest at my wedding. I kept my religion to myself, my wife and the close friends I knew would not care.

Well the time came that I got tired of "hiding" I got tired of the feeling that I was not able to just be who I am. Not just with spirituality but with life in general. I made a decision that I was no longer going to be the robot I was expected to be and start being true to myself. I was done with spending so much time and energy with "going along to get along". I was compromising too much of who I was just to not "make waves".

Now to the point. I was talking with my mom one day and she asked how i was doing. I told her how I felt and how I was not happy with myself. She told me that I needed to do what felt right to me. That opened a door for me. I told her that I wanted to talk about religion with her but I needed to do it my way. I asked her if she would be willing to listen. Of course she said yes (probably thinking I was just going to talk about god) I made ground rules with her that the first few conversations would be through e-mail. We would not talk about it in person or on the phone right away. I set these ground rules because I figured that would be the best way for both of us to be able to communicate our side. I wanted the first communications to be heard and thought about. I wanted to be able to chose my words with respect and not have to back track with a bunch of "well that's not what I ment" because she had the ability to interrupt with emotion right away. I then sent my first e-mail. My email consisted of explaining my struggle with trying to feel Christianity. I explained how I was having issues, turned to the bible and found more questions then answers. I told her how I tried and tried and found no fulfillment. I told her about how I came across my current faith and how it makes me feel. Now I think this next part is important. I acknowledged the faith I was raised in and the good points about it. I outlined how it has made me who I am today and that she was a big part of it. I then scoured the interwebz to locate the best/closest to my belief non christian bashing web page I could find and sent her the link. In my opinion, the best way to deal with this is to show respect to their faith and them. Choose your words carefully its hard to argue with " that doesn't feel right to me" or "I cant understand that concept". If by the end of the conversation the words "stupid", "dumb" "how could you believe....." or anything of that nature were used, you did it wrong. Now, you either need to rebuild that line of communication or abandon it all together. I looked at this way, I'm not going to convert my mom. She's not going to convert me. Her belief of an all powerful sky god making the world in 7 days sounds just as silly to me, as a giant, a massive block of salt and cosmic cow sound to her. But as long as we can respect each other we can get along just fine Theologically.

With that said, you need to do what will allow you to be YOU. If your family cares about you, one of 2 things will happen. They will have a million questions and once they have come to terms with the fact that you are not going to run off and join a suicide cult, things will be fine. Or, they say okay and that's the end of that.Back to business as usual. Another bit of advice, if its worth anything. Stand firm and communicate with conviction. If they don't think your decision was a well thought out planned one, you will be in for the "convert back" speeches. And once you tell them what your faith is. YOU are the example of that faith. They will look at your actions and think that is how all (insert your faith here) are.

Good luck with whatever you choose. And let us know how things go.