Ask a Mormon

[Dez]

Re: Ask a Mormon

Oops! Missed your question somehow Siloh...sorry about that!


If anyone ever has me go for a while without responding on here, please poke me! I will not be offended at all!

We still go out of our way to have regular family nights, but nothing as structured as FHE(prayer, hymn, lesson, activity, treat, etc.). Instead, we generally try to do activities that will inspire questions and curiosity, and roll with wherever it takes us. Make sense?

Non sequitur, but I had a rather interesting article end up in my Facebook feed today. Thought I'd share: http://davewhittle.net/2012/04/05/tr...bigotry-parade

[Jembru]

Re: Ask a Mormon

You know, I actually quite like the sound of that family home evening. Despite living with a Morman for a year (shared halls at Uni), I'd never heard of it until reading it here, but it sounds sweet and I'd love to try to make a pagan/science and nature awareness version of that, should I ever have a family.

Actually, you mentioned how Mormon females never grow up. Is there also pressure for them to stay petite? The girl I mentioned, who lived in halls with me, had an eating disorder, as did her older sister. The church didn't seem to do much to support her with this (not blaming the religion, just this particular church seemed to brush off her issues). I would never have suspected her faith was the cause of her disorder, but after reading your comment, I couldn't help but wonder if there was a link.

[Dez]

Re: Ask a Mormon

Interesting question, Jembru, and I like the idea of a similar pagan concept!

I have no statistics one way or the other on Mormon women and ED. However, I dealt with bulimia between the ages of 13 and 23...there were a number of old posts tied to that before the forum crash. There most certainly were issues and examples from both my parents that came into play. There is also a very strong sense of competition among women in their 20's for "worthy" male members, especially at church run schools. The ideal is very thin, and since leaving I've run into several men who did not find it attractive, but felt obligated to marry someone who fit that look.

For a while after the birth of my daughter (21) I attended group therapy while still a student at BYU, however it went nowhere, and my issues with depression and anxiety went unaddressed. I reached out several times for help while a student, with rather horrible results up each time.

[Jembru]

Re: Ask a Mormon

Thanks for being so open about your experiences. It seems that at least you, had a similar experience to my roommate, but that is not to say it IS the church's fault. I wasn't aware that there was so much pressure on young Mormon ladies to marry (I assume the men feel the same?). Sorry if you have already answered this, I've been following the thread but may have skipped sections, but is it expected that a woman would stay at home while the man would work? If so, as modern Western economies favour the 'two working adult' household, do Morman families often struggle financially?

I ask because I have a friend who came to England from a culture where a woman expects to stay at home and be 'kept', so is reluctant to work (she is married to a Brit, but unless she gets citizenship, she could face being deported if she doesn't work within 2 years of arriving here). I am seeing through her eyes, how difficult this way of life can be in the West, and wondered if Mormon families had similar issues.

[Dez]

Re: Ask a Mormon

I'd say that's accurate, Jembru, and thank you for the kind words. In that case, there are similar blind spots in Caucasian middle-class culture wherever you go in America. The way authority is handled in Mormon culture can make it a little more complicated, though, as it means that your religious leaders you are expected to go to for help have zero training.

I also noticed Mormon gender dynamics in place the times I attempted to seek counseling through the school via a program that utilized psych undergrads. The first time was shortly after I got married. I was dealing with my first round of anxiety and panic attacks due to a sexual assault by a date shortly before I met and married my husband. The male undergrad I saw clearly had his own issues with women he had not dealt with...I quit after he took one phrase I'd used to begin to repeatedly try to "discuss" the idea that I had actually been enjoying control in the relationship...with a young man who had held me down and threatened me.

Speaking in vast generalities, based on having attended a church school(it's not quite as firce "in the world"): Mormon men work to make themselves attractive. They need to have (or at least project) the right look, future job, hobbies, level of church activity including "desirable" callings, and having served a mission. There is generally an undertone that by doing all of that, by the time they leave their mission, they will have earned a wife, who will be more attractive the more people they have baptized, the more valliant they have been, etc.

On the female side, there is a high expectation to look attractive, feminine, and sweet. Yes, the expectation is for the woman to stay home, which, combined with pressure to not wait to have children and discouraging long engagements (temptation), means that while Utah has a high rate of woman attending college, it also has the highest female drop-out rate in the nation. When I was that age, it felt like a very narrow window: Mormon men who have returned from a mission are looking to marry, and if you are not headed in the same direction, you will get dumped. That means that it is covert, rather then stated outright, but competition is high for men who look as though they are on the road to both religious success(already in a bishopric, etc), and financial success(pre-med, etc, so that there is not a life of financial hardship ahead of you for marrying so young). Many women are shocked when they discover that a man who had all the right "trappings" turns out to be abusive down the road, possibly part of why the divorce rate in Mormon communities is about the same as elsewhere, even though it comes with intense social stigma.

An excellent example of the Mormon stance on woman staying at home would be the current political fuss here because someone said that Ann Romney (presidential candidate Mitt Romney's spouse), wasn't qualified to have his ear on the needs of women, because she has never had to work. Now, there's a strong backlash, complete with bumperstickers (https://www.mittromney.com/donate/moms-economy).

[thalassa]

Re: Ask a Mormon

An excellent example of the Mormon stance on woman staying at home would be the current political fuss here because someone said that Ann Romney (presidential candidate Mitt Romney's spouse), wasn't qualified to have his ear on the needs of women, because she has never had to work. Now, there's a strong backlash, complete with bumperstickers (https://www.mittromney.com/donate/moms-economy).

/off topic, but...since you brought it up, lol...

And I think that's unfortunate...because I think the criticism had value, once you looked at the nuances between Ann Romney as a SAHM, or you and I...

Its a helluva lot easier to parent when you are assured food on the table and a roof over your head without stressing over how its being paid for, whether one stays at home or not.

[Dez]

Re: Ask a Mormon

Heh...hopped on Facebook yet today, Thal? I bet you can figure out the demographic of the ladies who jumped on me over this.

[thalassa]

Re: Ask a Mormon

Heh...hopped on Facebook yet today, Thal? I bet you can figure out the demographic of the ladies who jumped on me over this.

I'm sure I can, lol...

[GaiaDianne]

Re: Ask a Mormon

Hi Everyone --

Just to offer another perspective -- I "converted" to the LDS (Mormon) religion while a freshman at BYU, really threw myself into it and was very devout for many years. I was married in the Temple, a writer for Church magazines and organizer-speaker at various functions, a research assistant to several BYU Religion profs and even got into the LDS Historian's Archives. I'd also be very happy to answer any questions anyone might have on LDS theology, doctrine, principles, practices and policies.

Blessed Be - GaiaDianne

[Dez]

Re: Ask a Mormon

Welcome to the forum!

Any and all comments you want to throw around are very much welcome . Impressive that you had access to the archives...were you a history major? If you don't mind me asking, what took you to BYU if you weren't Mormon, and what was your path away again?

[GaiaDianne]

Re: Ask a Mormon

Welcome to the forum!

Any and all comments you want to throw around are very much welcome . Impressive that you had access to the archives...were you a history major? If you don't mind me asking, what took you to BYU if you weren't Mormon, and what was your path away again?

GAIADIANNE:

I'm now a Wiccan High Priestess.

I went to BYU originally as a non-LDS because i honestly felt "led" there, and certainly learned a lot of Lessons -- Only a few of which Mormons would have intended No, i wasn't a history major, i just was fascinated with LDS theology and history.

[Dez]

Re: Ask a Mormon

Very interesting!

Hope you stick around...I'm not sure how much of the OP you read (This is actually the third Ask a Mormon thread we've had, if I remember right), but I was born and raised in the LDS Church, also attended BYU, and was a member of the board for several years before being "found" by Frey and Gerd.

What ever you wish to add to this corner of the forum is more then welcome, and I hope to see you around!

[Dez]

Re: Ask a Mormon

Had someone put this in my Facebook feed today. Irreverent, but so am I. Thought I'd share since this often comes up on here. Mormon flowchart for what happens to your soul: http://mollymuses.files.wordpress.co...flowchart3.png

[Siloh]

Re: Ask a Mormon

I love all the "Are you a man?" lines. I'm still reading through the Young Women's manual.

[thalassa]

Re: Ask a Mormon

Just saw this today...