Re: Medusa's Question Du Jour *the millenium edition!*
[quote author=magusjinx link=topic=62.msg10723#msg10723 date=1289180263]
You can be over protective ... Exposure to facts of life are necessary for good development ... I hear all too often about people who want to make "the playing field" even for kids in school ... BS ... If a kid is smart then push him ... If he needs help then help him ... The adult world has no even playing field ... Competition is everywhere ...
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The thing about it is, though - the smart kids who do strive for good grades are usually the ones being bullied. Obvious displays of intelligence single kids out, and the lesson that becomes learned time & time again is that it doesn't matter how smart you are, or what you know - it's how popular you are and who you know. To a degree, that does carry over into the adult world - networking is very important once you're grown, being popular and good-looking helps you make connections for higher paying employment and a wider variety of potential mates.
Everyone does need to develop some sense of self-confidence and self-esteem. You do have to learn to communicate, which may involve having a sense of humor and the ability to give and take constructive criticism. Everyone gets teased at some point in their lives, ranging from 'good-natured ribbing' to emotionally scarring verbal abuse, and it's important to learn how to stick up for yourself.
In elementary school, I was one of those 'gifted' children who was pushed to get good grades and perform well in school, which meant I got teased. Up to about 2nd grade, that was mostly verbal - there were better targets for the physical stuff, like the smelly kids. As I got older, though, the teasing turned to physical harm. By the time I hit middle school (6th grade) I decided that I didn't give a rat's ass about my grades at all because I was too busy avoiding people who tried to physically attack me. I was in elementary schools in decent middle-class neighborhoods, too - not poverty stricken inner city schools.
In 6th grade, who almost ended up expelled & had extensive counseling for 'anger management issues' after I retaliated and fought back? Not the kid who had been tormenting me for almost 6 months - no, it was me, because once I did retaliate I put him in the hospital. What was truly funny about the whole thing was that even though he was older than me, and a boy, I was all of a sudden 'the bully' because I was a foot taller than him.
I only had one class with the kid, so I don't think it was about competition - for what, exactly, was I competing with him? I wasn't a threat to him, I wasn't trying to move into his circle of friends. I was just a fat, quiet girl with glasses and bad skin. I provided free entertainment because when he would back me into a corner & slap, pinch, kick or punch me his buddies would laugh. The day he kicked my crutches out from under me & kicked me in the ribs when I fell was the day my entertainment value ended, because when I got up & went after him, all his friends ran.
I have no doubt that if a teacher or administrator had been nearby that he wouldn't have attempted to kick my crutches away. He might have still said something to me, he may have tried to do something more subversive during class, or one of his buddies, or even someone else - but I doubt that he would have ended up with a couple of busted teeth and stitches in his head (or a ruptured testicle). I also didn't learn anything valuable about 'sticking up for myself'. What I learned was that fighting back gets you into more trouble than just taking continual abuse or dishing abuse out - not the greatest of lessons for anyone to learn, much less a girl living in an abusive household to begin with.
[quote author=magusjinx link=topic=62.msg10723#msg10723 date=1289180263]
You can be over protective ... Exposure to facts of life are necessary for good development ... I hear all too often about people who want to make "the playing field" even for kids in school ... BS ... If a kid is smart then push him ... If he needs help then help him ... The adult world has no even playing field ... Competition is everywhere ...
[/quote]
The thing about it is, though - the smart kids who do strive for good grades are usually the ones being bullied. Obvious displays of intelligence single kids out, and the lesson that becomes learned time & time again is that it doesn't matter how smart you are, or what you know - it's how popular you are and who you know. To a degree, that does carry over into the adult world - networking is very important once you're grown, being popular and good-looking helps you make connections for higher paying employment and a wider variety of potential mates.
Everyone does need to develop some sense of self-confidence and self-esteem. You do have to learn to communicate, which may involve having a sense of humor and the ability to give and take constructive criticism. Everyone gets teased at some point in their lives, ranging from 'good-natured ribbing' to emotionally scarring verbal abuse, and it's important to learn how to stick up for yourself.
In elementary school, I was one of those 'gifted' children who was pushed to get good grades and perform well in school, which meant I got teased. Up to about 2nd grade, that was mostly verbal - there were better targets for the physical stuff, like the smelly kids. As I got older, though, the teasing turned to physical harm. By the time I hit middle school (6th grade) I decided that I didn't give a rat's ass about my grades at all because I was too busy avoiding people who tried to physically attack me. I was in elementary schools in decent middle-class neighborhoods, too - not poverty stricken inner city schools.
In 6th grade, who almost ended up expelled & had extensive counseling for 'anger management issues' after I retaliated and fought back? Not the kid who had been tormenting me for almost 6 months - no, it was me, because once I did retaliate I put him in the hospital. What was truly funny about the whole thing was that even though he was older than me, and a boy, I was all of a sudden 'the bully' because I was a foot taller than him.
I only had one class with the kid, so I don't think it was about competition - for what, exactly, was I competing with him? I wasn't a threat to him, I wasn't trying to move into his circle of friends. I was just a fat, quiet girl with glasses and bad skin. I provided free entertainment because when he would back me into a corner & slap, pinch, kick or punch me his buddies would laugh. The day he kicked my crutches out from under me & kicked me in the ribs when I fell was the day my entertainment value ended, because when I got up & went after him, all his friends ran.
I have no doubt that if a teacher or administrator had been nearby that he wouldn't have attempted to kick my crutches away. He might have still said something to me, he may have tried to do something more subversive during class, or one of his buddies, or even someone else - but I doubt that he would have ended up with a couple of busted teeth and stitches in his head (or a ruptured testicle). I also didn't learn anything valuable about 'sticking up for myself'. What I learned was that fighting back gets you into more trouble than just taking continual abuse or dishing abuse out - not the greatest of lessons for anyone to learn, much less a girl living in an abusive household to begin with.
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