Things you love(d) about being single

[Bluedragoncoop]

Re: Things you love(d) about being single

Hey Blue ... We are almost neighbors ... You are less than a day away ...

Sweet I sent you a friends request. We have a pretty big Beltain camp out here. I love this neck of the woods. I sent you a friends request.

[LiadanWillows]

Re: Things you love(d) about being single

Not having to compromise...ever!

I second that. Compromise sucks... sometimes...

[calfhill]

Re: Things you love(d) about being single

Damn near everything.

[DanieMarie]

Re: Things you love(d) about being single

Not just about being single but living alone....Some of the grosser grooming stuff isn't a big deal. No one has to know that I naturally have a unibrow that I have to pluck (not a total one, but Frida Kahlo style), or that I have a bit of facial hair I have to wax. I don't really know how I'm going to deal with this stuff when I live with a guy...do you eventually become comfortable with someone knowing this sort of stuff about you? Sometimes I wish I didn't even know it about myself...I'd rather just naturally be perfect.

Maybe I should start saving for laser removal...

[FantasyWitch]

Re: Things you love(d) about being single

Dale has no clue that I wax my belly and we've been together 4 years and lived together for 3. I get a dark landing strip on my belly and the only way to go is waxing! X

[Ophidia]

Re: Things you love(d) about being single

Not just about being single but living alone....Some of the grosser grooming stuff isn't a big deal. No one has to know that I naturally have a unibrow that I have to pluck (not a total one, but Frida Kahlo style), or that I have a bit of facial hair I have to wax. I don't really know how I'm going to deal with this stuff when I live with a guy...do you eventually become comfortable with someone knowing this sort of stuff about you? Sometimes I wish I didn't even know it about myself...I'd rather just naturally be perfect.

Maybe I should start saving for laser removal...

It's part of that long slide into married life known as 'letting yourself go'. Eventually you're both on the couch in your undies - he's picking crumbs out of his belly button & your legs could terrify a sasquatch in heat. But it's ok, because you've been together 20 years and neither of you is going anywhere, anyway.

[DanieMarie]

Re: Things you love(d) about being single

I'm really not comfortable with the idea of letting myself go. I've always been the type to chase after ideals of myself...even when I'm happy I still strive to be the best I can be and part of that is looking well-groomed and having a good figure. I also have trouble associating letting that stuff go with being "ok" because the only times I've ever really not made an effort with my clothes and gained weight were when I was really depressed. I don't even do it for other people either so much...like I study at home and I -could- just hang out in my PJs all day, but I don't because I just can't. So it's hard to even let other people see me otherwise because I have trouble seeing myself that way....

[thalassa]

Re: Things you love(d) about being single

I think it mostly has to do with how comfortable with the reality of the human body in general and with yourself and your own imperfections specifically. Sure, part of it is being around each other that you've seen each other at your truly worst...but both the hubby and I worked in fields that dealt with bodily fluids on a frequent basis. When you've been bled or puked on or swam in sewage, so the little stuff like waxing your belly or plucking your nose hairs doesn't seem so bad.

And yes, at some point in your relationship, you realize that the physical aspect of what you BOTH look like is temporary, and not nearly as important as personality. But we've been pretty comfortable with the reality of each other pretty much since the beginning...the difference is that now we totally just don't care, as opposed to before we'd act all apologetic and stuff. Eventually though, its sort of a shallow thing to worry about bodily functions and cosmetic maintenance with someone that you have chosen to spend your life with---when I was pregnant, I was so freaking huge, I couldn't shave my own legs...so Scott did it...he's held my hair while I upchucked everything I didn't eat thru 5 pregnancies (and I've done the same when he's been sick...or had too much fun on guys nite out), and held me thru miscarriages (and helped clean up), a stillbirth (including almost taking out the entire L&D staff when he was the one that delivered our baby) and two c-sections (the man has seen my insides). At that point, who the hell cares if he walks in on me taking a dump or if I catch him popping a zit...much less if I've waited a longer than usual between shaving all the way up or not (honestly, we've had bets on who will give in and shave first...I lost at three months...and yes, we still had good sex).

[DanieMarie]

Re: Things you love(d) about being single

I guess I'm just shallow then I don't expect it from others but I don't see how I can change....I don't think I'm capable of not caring how I look....

[volcaniclastic]

Re: Things you love(d) about being single

Not just about being single but living alone....Some of the grosser grooming stuff isn't a big deal. No one has to know that I naturally have a unibrow that I have to pluck (not a total one, but Frida Kahlo style), or that I have a bit of facial hair I have to wax. I don't really know how I'm going to deal with this stuff when I live with a guy...do you eventually become comfortable with someone knowing this sort of stuff about you? Sometimes I wish I didn't even know it about myself...I'd rather just naturally be perfect.

Maybe I should start saving for laser removal...

I've been told a few times that I have "Frida Kahlo" eyebrows, and you know, the thought of plucking them has never occurred to me. I also have upper lip hair (it's fine, but it's black), and I don't shave anything but my armpits (ever) ...and I'm a dark brunette. So I get that bit out of the way, right away. If a man wants to be with me, he has to accept the fact that I haven't shaved my legs in 5 years, and not once have I dated someone who's had a problem with that.

IMO, if you're going to go out with a guy, and he can't deal with the fact that you weren't born with perfectly sculpted eyebrows (Uhm, who is, exactly?) or that you actually do have hair that grows on your body like the rest of humanity ...then fuck him. He's a douchebag.

[DanieMarie]

Re: Things you love(d) about being single

Yeah, you're right.

I HAVE come a long way...most of the time I don't feel like I have to be perfect anymore (though I have bad days and I think that's the stuff I'll have trouble with in the future)...not just with how I look but in everything (I seriously really used to feel I had to be perfect at everything...it was a big root of my depression and actually paralyzed me from doing anything at all). I've gotten past that for the most part but in a way I'm the type to always strive to be the best I can be. When I was in therapy I was told that it's probably something I can't change as it's a big part of my overall personality, but that I have to strive to be the best I can realistically be and not expect total perfection...which is what I've been working on and I'm doing better, but I still have days where I'm kind of insecure because of my flaws.

[Ophidia]

Re: Things you love(d) about being single

I guess I'm just shallow then I don't expect it from others but I don't see how I can change....I don't think I'm capable of not caring how I look....

I felt that way when I was still young & hot, lol. 20 years later... not so much. Work, life, health, time - it all changes. I imagine if I'd gotten a divorce & was back on the open market, I'd feel differently.

[DanieMarie]

Re: Things you love(d) about being single

I think it doesn't help that I want to go into marketing in creative sectors. People really judge you on how you look. Like you don't have to be a model or anything, but it's a very public job and you should look groomed and fashionable.

And when I was younger I did a lot of modeling and acting and that sticks with you too....even when I was doing music, it's all very image-based.

I surprisingly don't spend that much time on my looks though. When you've been vain for 14 years, you find speedy ways to do it! So I guess as nut-job as it sounds, it's not like I spend an hour in front of the mirror daily. I can do perfect makeup in 10 mins!

[thalassa]

Re: Things you love(d) about being single

I guess I'm just shallow then I don't expect it from others but I don't see how I can change....I don't think I'm capable of not caring how I look....

I'm not saying that you, as a hot, single chick that would like to impress a man, are shallow...but rather that, once you are in a relationship, when you have dealt with things far more serious, far more embarrassing, etc, its shallow to continue to think that knowing that you do work to make yourself look they way you want to look matters in your relationship...

I'm not saying that there is no reason to go out of my way to look good (I do have standards and expectations for how I represent myself, and occasionally, I like to see the hubby have that dumbfounded "Dayum you look hot" expression)...but what I do is for me--not for him (although that can be an added bonus), and it doesn't bother me that the hubby knows that I'm not smokin' hot without work. Besides, he loves me for me...not for perfectly waxed eyebrows...and if anything, he is appreciative of the work I do go to, and the "extra mile" I occasionally strive for when I feel like it.

And thank effing god for that. There is no ever-loving way in hell I would go to all the work (or have the time to) that I went to when I was young and single with only myself to be responsible for.

[DanieMarie]

Re: Things you love(d) about being single

Ahhh ok, gotcha

Maybe I have some residual hormones and was just being a little sensitive...sorry!

I do most of what I do for me too, and most of the time I have no one to impress (my dating life was kind of dead up until a few months ago), but right now I'm really worried about being "sexy" because everything is so new.