Problems with Fiance - Need Advice

[Tylluan Penry]

Re: Problems with Fiance - Need Advice

Perhaps a bit of time apart will sort things out between you. Things have obviously been going adrift for a while now, and you're not happy. As for the drug test, I don't know much about these things, but perhaps these results can be faked, I don't know.

Anyway, take each day as it comes and don't be in a rush to go back with him. You need some time to learn to respect yourself again, to realise that you deserve better. Maybe he will come around to that way of thinking too. Or maybe not. Either way, things have a habit of working out for the best. Give yourself plenty of time. And good luck!

[kilrane]

Re: Problems with Fiance - Need Advice

He ended up taking a drug test - his idea, but I'm pretty sure it was just to prove me wrong. He almost started an argument in the store that almost caused me to ditch him there. Anyway, he took the test and it came out negative. That really makes me wonder if I am crazy or something.

I really hate to be a person who sews doubt but I used to smoked pot off and on for quite a few years. I thought I should point out that, according to the drug test your boyfriend took, it can be easy to pass using a masking agent or something similar, especially if you are aware of the drug test ahead of time. Some of the masking agents are very cheap to come by and readily available online, or even in local head shops in many states.

Another thing to add to this is that home tests are usually pretty easy to pass using these masking agents since they tend to be low quality tests when compared to what you might find when you are tested by employer that heavily scans their potential employees.

Google "how to pass thc drug test" and you will see what I'm talking about.

If you ask me, you might not be so crazy after all

[GypsySeaWitch]

Re: Problems with Fiance - Need Advice

I really hate to be a person who sews doubt but I used to smoked pot off and on for quite a few years. I thought I should point out that, according to the drug test your boyfriend took, it can be easy to pass using a masking agent or something similar, especially if you are aware of the drug test ahead of time. Some of the masking agents are very cheap to come by and readily available online, or even in local head shops in many states.

Another thing to add to this is that home tests are usually pretty easy to pass using these masking agents since they tend to be low quality tests when compared to what you might find when you are tested by employer that heavily scans their potential employees.

Google "how to pass thc drug test" and you will see what I'm talking about.

If you ask me, you might not be so crazy after all

It wasn't a planned out thing. It was one of those ideas that someone throws out into the air thinking the other person will shoot it down, but I didn't. I then watched him take the test within the hour of him saying he'd take one. I doubt he could have faked one that quickly.

[thalassa]

Re: Problems with Fiance - Need Advice

It wasn't a planned out thing. It was one of those ideas that someone throws out into the air thinking the other person will shoot it down, but I didn't. I then watched him take the test within the hour of him saying he'd take one. I doubt he could have faked one that quickly.

The other problem with the pot test is that at home tests aren't very sensitive, and if he isn't a regular smoker, it would be out of his system sooner. If he didn't take the test until you posted about it, and *when* you think he smelled like pot was when/before you posted this, thats enough time that a home test probably wouldn't have picked it up.


The other thing (IMO) is this...

It shouldn't matter what you think he did or didn't do. Either you love him, or not; you trust him or not; and he respects you as a person, or not (and vice versa). If any of those are a "no", thats a GTFO ASAP in my book. I don't think you can have a healthy relationship without love, trust and respect...and (IMO) whether the drug test was clean or not is immaterial, the fact that when he offered, you had him do it suggests that you *don't* trust him.

I think too, you might consider whether or not you might benefit from being on your own for a while. You've had a ton of ship happen to you...have you really had time to get to know yourself solo without a relationship? To respect yourself for the terrific person you are on your own?