For those of you who don't know, I've lived alone for the last three years (after having made a pretty huge mistake of moving in with a boyfriend only to have it end disastrously) and now, I find myself with a roommate for the first time.
We didn't start out the way conventional roommates start out - we met last year and became steadfast friends, and then lovers, and then when I finally met someone who piqued my interest outside of the bedroom, I left all that behind to start a real, proper relationship that wasn't just semi-meaningless sex (something I also haven't had in a while)
I moved 18 hours from the place I grew up to live with my roommate, because we had all these amazing, awesome things planned. We were going to bike to the Charlottes, and drive to the Yukon, and go on hikes, and get up early and do awesome, amazing things. I moved all my things up last November before disappearing to Asia, and now that I'm back in Canada, we've found a house (albeit temporary - I'll get to that), and I'm slowly adjusting to life in a small town (after having been raised in a city).
I love to read, I love outdoor sports, I love quiet towns, and quiet people. Yeah, I love all the city life too, but it's about balance. I've no shortage of hobbies to keep me entertained. But since I've moved up here, I'm bored. And ridiculously lonely. I go to bed at 7 or 8PM sometimes, because I can't be bothered to be awake any longer. I can't sleep - I dream all night and wake up in the early hours so awake that I end up getting up. It's not unusual for me to be up at 5AM lately. My roommate works the same kind of work I do (although I'm unemployed at the moment) ...and when he's home, he stays out with his friends until late, and sleeps until noon. The only person in this entire town I know is my roommate, and we don't do anything fun or cool. I can get up, cook breakfast, shower, clean the house, and go to the gym and back before he's awake sometimes, and then he calls his friends and goes out. Sometimes, we go grocery shopping or something, and once, we went hiking for an afternoon.
I mean, yeah. I get that I'm supposed to entertain myself. But I moved up here so we could be awesome friends together. And he's not here half the time. And not only that, I find that I don't actually like having a roommate. I feel like I spend half my time cleaning and rearranging things in the house (I'm OCD, and he finds it funny to move things on me. I fail to see the humour.)
I've thought about talking to him about how upset and lonely and how depressed I've been, but I can't seem to find the right time to bring it up. And not only that, I don't want to bring it up - it'll just make him feel bad that I dislike it here, and his way of dealing with it is to ignore me for a while. Which is what he's doing right now, come to think of it. We got into a bit of a quiff and he left the house and hasn't been back for hours.
We only have this place for three months, because we found a short-term lease on a house that's in the selling process. It was the only thing on the market at the moment, and we needed something. I thought it was a bad thing at first, because the owners won't let me have my cat (a large reason I'm so lonely, probably - or the fact that I have no family/friends here, or even within a 12 hours drive from here) ...but if I'm still this lonely in three months, I might move back down south. And I don't know how to say that to him, either. How do you tell someone "I hate living with you, and your town makes me miserable?"
I don't know how to have a roommate. Should I care that he gets angry with me frequently? Should he care that I'm so lonely and depressed that I cry myself to sleep at night? Should we share cooking meals for each other, or tell each other about our day, or what? How does this roommate thing work?
And what am I doing wrong?
We didn't start out the way conventional roommates start out - we met last year and became steadfast friends, and then lovers, and then when I finally met someone who piqued my interest outside of the bedroom, I left all that behind to start a real, proper relationship that wasn't just semi-meaningless sex (something I also haven't had in a while)
I moved 18 hours from the place I grew up to live with my roommate, because we had all these amazing, awesome things planned. We were going to bike to the Charlottes, and drive to the Yukon, and go on hikes, and get up early and do awesome, amazing things. I moved all my things up last November before disappearing to Asia, and now that I'm back in Canada, we've found a house (albeit temporary - I'll get to that), and I'm slowly adjusting to life in a small town (after having been raised in a city).
I love to read, I love outdoor sports, I love quiet towns, and quiet people. Yeah, I love all the city life too, but it's about balance. I've no shortage of hobbies to keep me entertained. But since I've moved up here, I'm bored. And ridiculously lonely. I go to bed at 7 or 8PM sometimes, because I can't be bothered to be awake any longer. I can't sleep - I dream all night and wake up in the early hours so awake that I end up getting up. It's not unusual for me to be up at 5AM lately. My roommate works the same kind of work I do (although I'm unemployed at the moment) ...and when he's home, he stays out with his friends until late, and sleeps until noon. The only person in this entire town I know is my roommate, and we don't do anything fun or cool. I can get up, cook breakfast, shower, clean the house, and go to the gym and back before he's awake sometimes, and then he calls his friends and goes out. Sometimes, we go grocery shopping or something, and once, we went hiking for an afternoon.
I mean, yeah. I get that I'm supposed to entertain myself. But I moved up here so we could be awesome friends together. And he's not here half the time. And not only that, I find that I don't actually like having a roommate. I feel like I spend half my time cleaning and rearranging things in the house (I'm OCD, and he finds it funny to move things on me. I fail to see the humour.)
I've thought about talking to him about how upset and lonely and how depressed I've been, but I can't seem to find the right time to bring it up. And not only that, I don't want to bring it up - it'll just make him feel bad that I dislike it here, and his way of dealing with it is to ignore me for a while. Which is what he's doing right now, come to think of it. We got into a bit of a quiff and he left the house and hasn't been back for hours.
We only have this place for three months, because we found a short-term lease on a house that's in the selling process. It was the only thing on the market at the moment, and we needed something. I thought it was a bad thing at first, because the owners won't let me have my cat (a large reason I'm so lonely, probably - or the fact that I have no family/friends here, or even within a 12 hours drive from here) ...but if I'm still this lonely in three months, I might move back down south. And I don't know how to say that to him, either. How do you tell someone "I hate living with you, and your town makes me miserable?"
I don't know how to have a roommate. Should I care that he gets angry with me frequently? Should he care that I'm so lonely and depressed that I cry myself to sleep at night? Should we share cooking meals for each other, or tell each other about our day, or what? How does this roommate thing work?
And what am I doing wrong?
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