I have looked through several old posts for various answers to my many beginner questions, but I feel I now have a specific set of rather particular questions and would love any tips, opinions, or other wisdom.
I am a beginner to Paganism, though I've always interacted with many different Pagan communities and have always been voraciously curious. Now I am beginning to think it is the path for me.
But about paths, I don't think any one tradition/pantheon fits me well. I've been led to Paganism through studying the Church of Satan, where ritual (Greater Magic) is psychodrama, fulfilling emotional and spiritual needs, and when performing Greater Magic, you enter a state of "objective subjectivism," a state of willfully suspended belief. The magic produced is real, but there is no great pressure of faith, deification, or literal personification/interpretation. I like this.
Now, bear with me, because I'm getting to the practice/application part. I really believe in the animus/demon/genius aspect. It is very helpful for me, and it fits to describe my experience of reality. I truly believe that my demon guides me in 70% of the creative writing I do, about 95% of my poetry, and likely near or at 100% of the writing I did before age 15. If I feel extraordinarily faithful toward a magical concept, it is that my demon exists and has always been a palpable force in my creative life in particular.
Now, although I may find it helpful to associate a force in nature with a mythological deity or deities, I find it hard to detach my academic mind from most of these figures. They could be powerful invocations in the sense that I can visualize them, name them, etc., but I can't seem to give myself over to them wholly, even in objective subjectivism.
So, my first question is:
-What do you think about the potential efficacy of believing in a self-created Pantheon I believe to be inspired by my demon?
Background:
When I began writing, I was a little girl possessed. I was always fixated on creating new lore and mythology (my first dictated story, aged 4, was about how dragons created phoenixes). When I began writing in earnest, I would describe it as blacking out, then awakening to what was written. I wrote a single novel with a collection of short stories surrounding a single universe for almost three years every spare second of my days. In this universe, I had a very carefully honed mythology and Pantheon. I was totally connected to it. I even tried praying to one of the gods when I was 13 and found great comfort in it.
Point is, I think my demon wrote this. If you'd like to specifically know why, we can talk about it. But it is rich, and it enthralls me to this day and has never once ceased to inspire reverence in me.
If I feel so intimately connected with this Pantheon, do you think I can use them in ritual effectively?
The next question is pretty related.
-Can ritual occur in imagination/writing alone?
I think that my relationship to this universe became increasingly ritualistic as I became older. It was critical that I visit this place in writing frequently, or I would become much more depressed and hopeless, very frustrated and moody. I think, really, that this was my way of worshipping something, and of connecting to magic, releasing emotion, and gaining tranquility.
If this is how I feel I most viscerally experience magic ("automatic writing"/contact with my demon and expressing myself in imagination through vivid writing), is it possible that I could perform a ritual or spell inside of this medium? I mean, write me, however I decide to manifest as an individual, in a specific location, with all my props in line, and perform magic and ceremony in this way?
To quickly clarify (for I've written a lot!), I experience this world--moreso than anything I've written, even other long-term projects--as vividly as reality, or a lifelike dream. I experience every second as a breathing, sweating, carnal creature living in a reality. This is why I am considering this option of practice.
I am a beginner to Paganism, though I've always interacted with many different Pagan communities and have always been voraciously curious. Now I am beginning to think it is the path for me.
But about paths, I don't think any one tradition/pantheon fits me well. I've been led to Paganism through studying the Church of Satan, where ritual (Greater Magic) is psychodrama, fulfilling emotional and spiritual needs, and when performing Greater Magic, you enter a state of "objective subjectivism," a state of willfully suspended belief. The magic produced is real, but there is no great pressure of faith, deification, or literal personification/interpretation. I like this.
Now, bear with me, because I'm getting to the practice/application part. I really believe in the animus/demon/genius aspect. It is very helpful for me, and it fits to describe my experience of reality. I truly believe that my demon guides me in 70% of the creative writing I do, about 95% of my poetry, and likely near or at 100% of the writing I did before age 15. If I feel extraordinarily faithful toward a magical concept, it is that my demon exists and has always been a palpable force in my creative life in particular.
Now, although I may find it helpful to associate a force in nature with a mythological deity or deities, I find it hard to detach my academic mind from most of these figures. They could be powerful invocations in the sense that I can visualize them, name them, etc., but I can't seem to give myself over to them wholly, even in objective subjectivism.
So, my first question is:
-What do you think about the potential efficacy of believing in a self-created Pantheon I believe to be inspired by my demon?
Background:
When I began writing, I was a little girl possessed. I was always fixated on creating new lore and mythology (my first dictated story, aged 4, was about how dragons created phoenixes). When I began writing in earnest, I would describe it as blacking out, then awakening to what was written. I wrote a single novel with a collection of short stories surrounding a single universe for almost three years every spare second of my days. In this universe, I had a very carefully honed mythology and Pantheon. I was totally connected to it. I even tried praying to one of the gods when I was 13 and found great comfort in it.
Point is, I think my demon wrote this. If you'd like to specifically know why, we can talk about it. But it is rich, and it enthralls me to this day and has never once ceased to inspire reverence in me.
If I feel so intimately connected with this Pantheon, do you think I can use them in ritual effectively?
The next question is pretty related.
-Can ritual occur in imagination/writing alone?
I think that my relationship to this universe became increasingly ritualistic as I became older. It was critical that I visit this place in writing frequently, or I would become much more depressed and hopeless, very frustrated and moody. I think, really, that this was my way of worshipping something, and of connecting to magic, releasing emotion, and gaining tranquility.
If this is how I feel I most viscerally experience magic ("automatic writing"/contact with my demon and expressing myself in imagination through vivid writing), is it possible that I could perform a ritual or spell inside of this medium? I mean, write me, however I decide to manifest as an individual, in a specific location, with all my props in line, and perform magic and ceremony in this way?
To quickly clarify (for I've written a lot!), I experience this world--moreso than anything I've written, even other long-term projects--as vividly as reality, or a lifelike dream. I experience every second as a breathing, sweating, carnal creature living in a reality. This is why I am considering this option of practice.
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