I have always felt very drawn to pagan and Wiccan belief's. But on the same hand I have always been very very christian. Pentacostal even. Don't get to much more strict than that. So growing up in the church, being very active, I felt so alive, felt a spark, and I felt lit with a fire of purpose. Well as time as gone on, and I was kicked out of the church I started reevaluating things and realized just how one sided and off everything I believed was. So over the past three years I have felt a growth of knowing and understanding, but I still feel like Im missing something that I had when I was in church. I ran a drama team for the youth and was great at it. I miss that so much, having a place and purpose. I even miss the "lizard brain" views of life. It was so much easier when everything was black and white. But once your eyes open, you can't really turn away. Life is full of grey and not as clear and cut throat as the church had lead to believe. But yet... I miss it.
I have developed many different talents over the years. I have honed some gifts I've had forever. Empathy, spirit communication etc. I've learned to harness these with Tarot. I have even seen some spirits of many different natures. I have invoked spirits to do harm, and felt the back lash. I have healed, and have cleansed. And know what I saw and do was real.
Right now I feel a very strong pull to one particular deity, and have been invoker her, and communicating with since she has shown herself to me and my bf. But I still feel drawn to the Christian God and Jesus. And Im at odds with how to handle this. I have had some pretty surreal moments in the christian atmosphere as well. I have experienced what its like to be "Slain in the spirit." I have felt the strength and chills when people talk in tongues. I have been able to tell when someone fakes it. I have seen "angels" and demons. I have heard the voice of who I thought was God. (Now Im not so sure as to who it was.)
I dont what know what I felt anymore and I guess that is what still scares me. On one hand I have started to view the basic Christian concept of God is no different than that of the romans and greeks. I see it as... If God is everywhere and everything, how is worshipping or acknowledging the different parts of the "almighty" bad... So I think most religions and views are very diluted but they each have something to carry.
But my strong pull to the church leaves me... in a spirit of conflict. I can identify and understand it, just as I can with Lillith (the goddess I have started to work with.)
I know many people have many God's and Goddess' they work with. Is it perfectly normal to work with God( Jehova, the almighty etc... They never really gave a name to God which I found to be very cocky), and other gods?
I just wonder if anyone out there has any of the struggles or have over come them. I would enjoy hearing insight you could give.
M
I have developed many different talents over the years. I have honed some gifts I've had forever. Empathy, spirit communication etc. I've learned to harness these with Tarot. I have even seen some spirits of many different natures. I have invoked spirits to do harm, and felt the back lash. I have healed, and have cleansed. And know what I saw and do was real.
Right now I feel a very strong pull to one particular deity, and have been invoker her, and communicating with since she has shown herself to me and my bf. But I still feel drawn to the Christian God and Jesus. And Im at odds with how to handle this. I have had some pretty surreal moments in the christian atmosphere as well. I have experienced what its like to be "Slain in the spirit." I have felt the strength and chills when people talk in tongues. I have been able to tell when someone fakes it. I have seen "angels" and demons. I have heard the voice of who I thought was God. (Now Im not so sure as to who it was.)
I dont what know what I felt anymore and I guess that is what still scares me. On one hand I have started to view the basic Christian concept of God is no different than that of the romans and greeks. I see it as... If God is everywhere and everything, how is worshipping or acknowledging the different parts of the "almighty" bad... So I think most religions and views are very diluted but they each have something to carry.
But my strong pull to the church leaves me... in a spirit of conflict. I can identify and understand it, just as I can with Lillith (the goddess I have started to work with.)
I know many people have many God's and Goddess' they work with. Is it perfectly normal to work with God( Jehova, the almighty etc... They never really gave a name to God which I found to be very cocky), and other gods?
I just wonder if anyone out there has any of the struggles or have over come them. I would enjoy hearing insight you could give.
M
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