Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

[Jembru]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

I thought of one time I will judge someone negatively based on appearance: I hate and fear chavs. If you look like a chav, I'll assume without any fair evidence, that you are vile, foul-mouthed, undereducated, unemployed, violent, drink and smoke too much, take drugs and quite possibly have 3 or more children. This is unfair, I know. JP points out how intolerant I am towards chavs. I fit the classic 'prejudice comes from fear' model though. Mob culture has become quite out of control in some parts of the UK. While it's not directly on my doorstep, it's close enough that I and those close to me have on many occations, been directly affected, injured or somehow harmed by these people. I was afraid to leave my house other than to walk to college, for 2 years, because I was so paralised with fear of physical attack. It's no excuse, none at all. But somehow my animal response to this is to look down my nose and judge anyone who I feel belongs to this sub-culture of society.

[Maria de Luna]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

One thing I will say about people's appearances, sometimes they do matter, to some extent. It's why in certain places security and federal police are taught how to profile. I do not mean profiling in that "this person is this skin type so they must act like this." They teach how to look athow a person can stick out in a crowd, and what certain things could mean, and what mannerisms bear watching. On a 90 degree day the shifty guy in the corner with the heavy winter coat on, is just going to get more attention than everyone else at the airport.

[Tylluan Penry]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

There are many advantages to not washing regularly. One of them is that you can often get a double seat all to yourself on public transport....

[MaskedOne]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

It's information. I don't turn down free data. Is appearance the only metric I judge someone on? No. It's also not among the most important but details are useful and I try not to turn down free data about who I'm dealing with. I generally won't make permanent judgements about your character based on appearance but data is data and in most cases, I prefer to have more data than less.

That said, I've spent excessive amounts of time running a fitting room in a tourist area. Yes I will pay attention to a person's appearance. I will also generally notice if someone looks good but I've dealt with a huge number of people that look 'good'. Looking good doesn't really earn brownie points when my stance is "you look great... just like 300 other people that I've dealt with in the past 2 days. Now how long is it till I can go on break?"

[Medusa]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

I work in a hardware store. I wear a blue work polo shirt and any jeans I want. I go out of my way to put on makeup (though if you've seen me, it always look like I don't have much on) just to show 'HEY THERE IS A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN YOUR PRESENCE!'. Yeah, that's my real reason. I want to look beautiful.

I also work as a waitress on the weekend. And having a good face on with my good service helps me get tips.

But...when I am off work? I put on lip balm and hit the door! Of course I'm also covered in tattoos. This is my beauty I get to wear without thinking about it.

Out in the real world of day to day no work time? I could just care less.

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

I try not to care what people look like and I try not to treat anyone differently because of it.
When I start to care, however, is when people are obviously not taking care to have proper hygiene. In this day and age, I feel that there is no reason for a person to smell like body odor all the time, or never brush their teeth, etc. And I'm not talking about homeless people or anyone who lives in poverty. I mean if I meet a normal person, and every time I see them they smell like b.o. ~ this is quite off-putting to me.

We live in a society that makes us believe that if we don't look a certain way, we won't be happy or loved or desired. I think it's all crap and I barely watch TV (yet I'm exposed to several "Buy this or you'll feel like crap!" ads every day).
I like to look a certain way because it's an expression of who I am, and if other people look different, it has no effect on the way I would treat them.

[Maria de Luna]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

Worrying about appearances has never been a big issue to me, I learned when I was very young how absolutely nasty other people can be, about the way you look, whether you can control it or not. I rode a tricycle down the basement stairs when I was too small to remember much about the incident, (no I don't know how I got a tricycle in the house on the second floor in the first place...) So my nose did a whole lean way to the right thing until I was old enough the doctor said it was done growing and I could have it fixed. It impeded breathing so it did actually have to get fixed for more than just asthetic purposes, but it never mattered what I did, whether or not I was "dressing cool" or was smart or anything else, I was the girl with the crooked nose, or witch (ha ha) or as it eventually became, crookey, to my classmates. Of course when I finally got it fixed everyone thought it was because I was teased and was a baby and that resulted in more teasing... I think the point is that appearance is sort of not as important as we think it is, I never could get into a position where I cared too much. yes I will likely notice if you are too large to fit in my bariatric wheelchair, but that is more out of concern for the person than anything else. Trust me I don't care so much what you look like as I do about how you smell.... cause my bloody nose works for the most part! If ya smell like rotten feces, don't be offended if I call for a decon after you leave, to clean up your chair, I'm sorry but bodily fluids are bodily fluids, and if I can small them from my desk something is not ok... Other than that all I really get from appearances around here is whether you are a visitor or you work for a contractor to the hospital...
I'm not as skinny as I used to be eigther, I even haveto deal with my mom, (same damn pants size as me!) telling me how fat I am and that I need to go do something about it! So I am fairly over the "OMG that person is sooooo dumb looking in those shoes, they are so last season" crapola. lets see if my 7 year old combat boots fit firmly up your a**.

[DeadJellyfish]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

I like to look nice for personal reasons. When I look good, I feel good. I feel energetic. I know that most people in the world don't really give a crap about what I look like. They're just going to pass me by without noticing me. And for those who do look at me and judge me, I don't care. I wasn't dressing up for them. Dressing up nice and picking out outfits is kind of like an art form. I feel good when I can scrap up an old skirt from my closet and make it look nice in an outfit. As long as I think the outfit looks good, why should I care about what others think?

[Ophidia]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

I think it is easier to claim not to care than to actually not care. How many of us exit our homes without looking in the mirror? Without deciding which cloths to wear? Does anyone simply reach into the closet or drawer blindly and wear whatever they happen to grab?

I wear a uniform to work (it's miserable, too - whoever picked them out picked cheap, coarse, brown wool suits) :P So yeah, I can get dressed in the dark. Because I wear a uniform to work I don't want to put a lot of fuss into my daily clothing so it's jeans & t-shirts for the most part. I understand wanting to look a certain way for yourself - but every night I listen to people pick one another apart because of their wardrobe or make-up choices, where they shop for their appearance-related choices, how much they spend or don't spend. It's boggling how much time some of my coworkers can devote to just that - how people look. Some drunk guy comes to my window for a room key, I'm not concerned about the cut of his suit, I'm concerned for his safety - will he make it back to his room in one piece, will someone roll him on his side so he doesn't die a rock-star death, will he get rolled if he goes back out instead of going to his room, that kind of thing. Some of my coworkers will actually crane their necks over the desk to check out someone's shoes. It's just weird to me. Their shoes? Seriously?

Without at least washing the face?

Hygiene's different. While cleanliness does tie in with appearance, it's not really what I'm getting at. 'Beautiful' people can be filthy, 'unattractive' people can have excellent personal hygiene. A lot of women think Brad Pitt is the hotness - to me he just looks dirty & greasy all the time. When he cleans up, he's more attractive than when he's got the scraggly beard and oily hair hanging in his face. My husband feels the same way about Christina Aguilera. He says when he tries to imagine her in bed, he thinks it'd be like rolling around w/a greased pig.

[Sarkana night]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

If they are 'attractive'?

That is a question about instinct. Or old instinct and human acting tells us to try to find a mate, so we can get children and keep our species alive. This is only possible if we find someone attractive, which we would like to live together with.

This old instinct has (along with the mother-instinct) survived through time, and because it's so important it'll most likely continue to exist.

[Jembru]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

Interesting, this was the phone-in topic on This Morning today. They said that females apparently spend more time checking out other females to see how they compare, than they do males.

I guess I do check other women but they invariably always just make me feel worse about myself. I have pretty bad dysmorphia so other women look fine and normal to me. I get overwhelmed sometimes so rarely go out. Everyone has such nice hair, great clothes, look comfortable in their skin.. it doesn't matter that I know that a good number of these girls only look as great as they do because they too feel pressure to be perfect, because lets face it, we don't just judge ourselves apparently.

I can't deal with the pressure of knowing that while I feel I'm a weird shape with horrible legs and a vile face and dry dull frizzy hair, other people are looking at me and reassuring themselves that it could be worse, they could look like me. Even more frustrating that they probably think I look kinda chubby, totally unaware of the fact that I actually eat very little and several times a week force myself to throw up. I work out a lot too. For what, to bearly look normal. This is why I stay at home most nights. When I go out I can feel everyone's eyes on me. Even shopping, which I can no longer do alone: I need someone with me now, I feel everyone checking me out, seeing my horrible thighs and feeling better about their own. Well I'm glad I make others happy because I'm kinda dead inside. I freaking hate my body. I hate every last inch of my body and I'm not terribly fond of the personality that rides around in it. It's kinda why my resolution meant so much to me. If I had succeeded, then maybe I'd have had one thing, one feature or at least ability, that I could be proud of. Even then, I just feel that everyone is laughing about me behind my back. Wez is trying to get me to do a mini series with him. His ideas are amazing, but I really don't think I have the mental and emotional fitness to be making videos and speaking Japanese: showing the entire world the two areas I am most paranoid and self-conscious about...

So to answer.. I care about other people's appearance because it kills me that I can't be more like them.

- - - Updated - - -

Just a side note for nbdy: I haven't washed my face for 3 days in a row now. No real reason. I've remembered to brush my teeth so it's not as though I haven't been at the sink. I haven't worn makeup for about a week either. Sometimes I just don't see the point of grooming. I used to believe I'd find beauty in a bottle, but there really isn't a product in the world that could help me look and feel normal.

Think I had better go and give my face a scrub then...

[Tylluan Penry]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

Actually, I do reach into the wardrobe blindly most of the time. You should see the stuff I wear out.... odd shoes, odd socks (why are they always the purple and tangerine ones, I wonder?)

I can't tell one item from another, it all looks like porridge. So there's not much point worrying. And because of that I really don't care what other people look like. It's none of my business. There may be all sorts of reasons why they appear the way they do. I'd prefer to get to know them first.

I use the same picture for my avatar everywhere. It's several years old, but it stays unless I lose the file.

[nbdy]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

I think it is easier to claim not to care than to actually not care. How many of us exit our homes without looking in the mirror? Without deciding which cloths to wear? Does anyone simply reach into the closet or drawer blindly and wear whatever they happen to grab? Without at least washing the face? Appearance generally signals something about who you are, whether deceptively or accurately. I think people are more prone to being fashion clones when they are younger because they are not quite certain who they are so they try out different prepackaged styles to explore it. Most seem to find a look and evolve it into something uniquely their own as they mature. Fashion choices can identify membership in a particular group, such as the expensive handbag line that says "I have enough money to be frivolous." It may signify identification with a particular philosophy, like rasta wear. Even some one like me with a wardrobe largely selected for resilience and not giving me a rash is sending a signal -- "I am practical" "I am modest" etc. No guarantees that others will read it that way. It is important to me that I am clean, wouldn't dream of meeting some one for dinner without showering first, so apparently I want to be sure the message "I have good hygiene" is loud and clear. I am digressing. The point is that the way we present ourselves non-verbally is as important as anything we say.

Consider for a moment the online equivalent -- choosing an avatar. Did any of you not think about it a little bit? Why or why not?

[DeadJellyfish]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

Oh gosh, I always hated those shows like "What Not to Wear". You can see that the person was happy before this TV crew pulled them aside and started criticizing the way they looked. They appear to be happier after the "transformation", but the truth is, they now have one more thing to worry about in their lives. They will feel like they need to dress normal and be trendy to be accepted. That idea is not okay. So what if she likes to wear a fanny pack? Or wear black lipstick? Or wear sneakers with her skirt? She's happy and comfortable in the way she dresses and looks.

As far as the way your body and face look, I love diversity. I find "flaws" beautiful because it's who you are. And if you think about it, they really aren't flaws. Flaws are just a concept created by society (that is, as long as it doesn't affect your health). I find guys with big noses attractive. But that's not what most of society finds "beautiful". And I like chubby guys because they're so nice to cuddle, but you're not going to find a chubby guy posing for Calvin Klein. I feel like there needs to be more diversity in modeling and advertisements.

[ChainLightning]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

Appearances can be deceiving.

But it's a fast way to assess, however wrongly, some of the basic needs a person has, when interacting with others. I think there's this carnal, animal-like tendency to be around comfort, safety and beauty, in others. Three traits that are vastly subjective - beauty is in the ye of the beholder, for example. I don't think it's necessarily bad but I think it can be quite harmful and definitely degrading in almost every circumstance.

The best example I can come up with, for judging someone on appearance, is a police officer. We're taught, and we teach our children, that the police are SAFE. Police are someone to turn to for help. Uniforms are what round that vision out, quickly, and they're easily identifiable.

Looking for a "mate-for-life" or a "mate-for-right-now" also fits into that, in a sense, for the required familiarity. As well as the self-interest notion of being with someone 'you can look at without grimacing', so to speak.

Of course, that instant recognition, the appearance-based assumption, regardless of it's circumstances, can be wrong, can be fooled, can be used against someone to belittle or abuse them. Hideous misuse of a need-based appraisal.

And it's that misuse that, I think it's safe to say, everyone is MOST familiar with. To me, the reason 'why' is simple: humans. Predators, superficial ***ts, liars, manipulators... they've all proven one thing. As a species, we're not as 'advanced' as we like to pretend we are.