Abnormally stressed

[volcaniclastic]

So I feel like I have no right to ask anything from you guys, since I so rarely post any more these days, but I'm dealing with a whole lot of stress all of a sudden, and I don't know what to do.

I'm in camp working right now (for the newbies, I'm a geologist, and I work in the Canadian arctic in various exploration/mining camps) ...and this whole rotation has gone kinda shitty. I got the stomach flu, followed by a cold, which turned into bronchitis (and I even had to fly from camp to Iqaluit to see a doctor at the hospital to get medication) ...and that's better now. The weather has been wretched, and I'm tired of dealing with this work-clique bullshit. I'm working with about 12-14 other geologists who are all in their mid-twenties, convinced they know it all, and while I get along with everyone I meet on a general basis, I'm starting to have a rough time of it. I get excluded from movie nights, I get ignored at the dinner table, I get stared at funny if I try and add to their conversations...

We're adults, people. Adults. This isn't highschool. Hell, this isn't university. This is the working world, where you are my co-workers, and we are equals. Your higher degree than mine doesn't make you better than me, and the fact that I've never heard of Community, Girls, or use Facebook any more doesn't make me less interesting. I have a few friends on site, but I feel like I'm being treated like shit from the mass majority. I've dealt with this all summer.

Thankfully, I go home in two days, as our project is basically done and over with for the summer. On top of this, I recently received news of a family emergency.

Talking to my mother on the phone the other night, she told me that my sister has tried to commit suicide twice this summer. She slit her wrists. My sixteen year old, baby sister. My only sister. She's been really depressed for the last few months, apparently, and has been having a lot of problems (abusive boyfriend, she's been stealing money from mom, etc) ...and now, her go-to-fix-it is to cut her wrists with a razor blade.

I haven't been able to function since I heard the news. I don't know what to do. I asked if I should fly home, but mom told me it wouldn't help any. I'm the big sister, the only big sister, the role model, and my little sister wants to kill herself. I feel like there should be something I can do to help, and I can't. And I'm in camp, where privacy is at a minimum, so I've held my tears in. But I can't function. I've had nightmares three nights in a row, and somebody said something rude to me today, and I almost cried. I had to storm out of the room. I'm miserable. I've always struggled to help mom stay happy (and failed, time and time again), and now I can't help my sister either.

The only reason I found out at all is because mom had to take her to the hospital a few days ago for an appointment with a psychiatrist. My sister went in the back of a cop car, because she tried to run away when mom told her about the appointment. When she got there, she was escorted by a security guard for the day because she was screaming and swearing and yelling at the doctor and at my mother. The end result? There's nothing that can be done because the doctor didn't feel she was an immediate threat to herself, she's been diagnosed with a personality disorder and depression, got given medication but she refuses to take it, and she refuses to see a councillor. Thanks to Canadian law, unless she is a threat to herself or others, she is free to not take medicine, and free to not see a doctor to get help.

All I can think though is "What happens next time?" ...what is she figures out how to do it properly next time? What good is medication then? What good is councilling, then?

I don't know what to do. Between the stress of work, the lack of sleep, the nightmares, the exhaustion, the stress of finding a new job very shortly (as this one is ending), and the fact that I'm about to leave on a trip to visit my boyfriend's family and meet them for the first time (and his little sister has ovarian cancer, and chemo treatments aren't helping, so I often shoulder some of his pain to help him deal with it...)

I just don't know what to do. Maybe I'm worrying too much about little things, but...all I think about all day is how my baby sister hates life so much she tried to stop it.

I'm sorry this turned into such a long thing. I've not really been able to tell anyone. How do you walk up to someone and say "My sister attempted suicide, that's why I've been quiet lately"? ...you just don't.

[Jembru]

Re: Abnormally stressed

You have as much right as anyone else to ask for help, and of course we'll answer. You have my prayers. I hope things quickly improve for both you and and your vulnerable younger sister.

[earthgirl]

Re: Abnormally stressed

I do know what it's like to watch your family suffer from afar, but something that you gotta do for yourself is realize that you aren't responsible for their happiness or lack of it. You can be supportive and a good sister and daughter, but you can't make them be happy. That's something they have to do for themselves.

Dealing with mental illness is really difficult, both as a relative of the ill person, and as the ill person herself. I feel for your sister, because there is something very very primal about being disordered in the head. The thing is that, wherever you are, you cannot force her to do anything, however good your intentions and however good for her it would be. From personal experience, I can tell you that mental illness does not respond well to force, kind of one of those equal and opposite reactions. When I went through my oh-my-god-it's-time-to-kill-myself thing, I drank and did drugs and almost Winehoused myself out of existence, and were it not for swift medical intervention, I would have succeeded. I wish I could give you some sage mad-person advice about how to deal with her, how to pull her back from the edge, but maybe just talking to her and getting her to tell you allllll about it, about how effed her world is and how badly she hates everything (because she probably does) might actually help her more than trying to convince her to get it together. She will only realize that she has to do something about herself when she is ready to, doesn't matter how clearly it's laid out. Nobody wants to admit that they're mentally ill, it's too taboo, it's like a death sentence in society, you can be just about anything but mentally ill. And when you're ill, you have it together until you realize you don't. And until you realize that you don't, it's the world that needs to get it together. Regardless of how obvious it is to everyone else that you're the one with problems. It distorts perceptions like nobody's business.

[MaskedOne]

Re: Abnormally stressed

So I feel like I have no right to ask anything from you guys, since I so rarely post any more these days, but I'm dealing with a whole lot of stress all of a sudden, and I don't know what to do.

*Snort*

Of course you can ask for aid and/or share troubles V. I'm relatively confident that if any of the entities wandering the site feel compelled to argue that point then a lynch mob can be swiftly drawn up to silence the heretic(s). With that said, I'm a very poor adviser in this subject and the resources that I would tap to help aren't directly available to you due to geography and a relative certainty that none of your immediate family has gone to war as a member of the U.S. (Canadian Forces probably have their own systems if but I don't know anything about them) military. On the plus side, suicide is not an unknown factor. There are organizations roaming around that should be able to at least provide advice. Your mom might consider tracking down the therapist assigned to your sister and seeing if he/she can provide advice. Failing the therapist, the hospital should have information available. If they're legitimate, these people might be moderately useful.

Blessings upon you and your kin.
May you find a clear path through the current difficulties.

[volcaniclastic]

Re: Abnormally stressed

Thanks guys. Leaving work has helped a bit, and I've decided to take off on a 10 day cycling tour near the ocean. I've also chosen not to really call home recently, since for a few weeks, there was a running trend of calling home, and then being depressed. Simple solution: don't call the family until things work themselves out.

I'm still upset, and still worried, and I'm STILL not sleeping well...but now that I'm back home, I can relax a bit on the work-stress front, and I'm really hoping this bike trip helps.

I still wish there was something I could do, though.

[thalassa]

Re: Abnormally stressed

*hugs* V, I'm sorry...I hope everything works itself out, but in the meantime, I hope you can relax a bit.

[Willow]

Re: Abnormally stressed

Sometimes the best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Once you do that, everything else tends to fall into place.

You have to know that it isn't your fault. And that you can't make your sister get better until she can admit that perhaps some of her thinking patterns are jaded. The best you can really do is be there for her when she is really willing to start taking care of herself.

Things will work themselves to a state of equilibrium eventually, don't worry too much.

[Dez]

Re: Abnormally stressed

I tried to respond to this sooner, but I had my phone eat the response.


*Hugs!*

[volcaniclastic]

Re: Abnormally stressed

Update on the sister issue: Mom just found out that instead of taking her anti-depressants like you would take, say, any pill whatsoever, she's been grinding them up and snorting them instead. Mom confronted her, and talked to some of her friends (how, I don't know...mom is magic) and she's also been taking xanax (mom found someone else's prescription in my sister's purse), a bunch of other prescription drugs I don't remember the names to, and my sister confessed that she's been doing cocaine.

I called my mom on my vacation to let her know that for the first time in a while I was feeling pretty good and happy. Mom responded with the above. I hung up on her, and haven't called back since.

I don't know how to deal with this to the extent that I'm dealing with it the only way I can. By pushing all thoughts about family out of my head. I refuse to think on it. To deal with it, really.

That's probably not healthy, but I can't help. I can't help her, and I can't help myself.

[Willow]

Re: Abnormally stressed

Why can't you help yourself?

As contradictory as this may sound, sometimes it is necessary to suppress pain until such a time where we have the space and resources to deal with it. Maybe that's just me, but sometimes that's what I need to do to stay sane too.

[volcaniclastic]

Re: Abnormally stressed

I'm just confused. There isn't anything I can do to help at all, is there? And if I can't help, then what good am I?

[Willow]

Re: Abnormally stressed

All you need to worry about is taking care of your basic needs, trying to relax, and indulging in some of your own interests. Sounds too simple on the surface, and it might be hard to relax at first, but keep giving it the time and effort and it will pay off.

And in the meantime, this thread will still be here for you to vent periodically to a listening reader.