Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

[Heka]

Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

Ok I would be more than happy to chat with you on these and related topics.

Yep, that is the hope. I'm sorry he's not quite so understanding-- though I have no interest in being Pagan I know its an important part of her life, and I want to share it with her and understand it. Hopefully we can do many more holidays together .

Thank you, I'm really glad to hear affirmation on how I've been going about things, especially from someone in her position!

I hope you two find more common ground on that front.

Any suggestions from the Christian Guy on avenues for finding common ground? I've tried letting him read books in his own time, inviting him to ask questions, telling and showing him things... But he just isnt interested. I've tried forcing him to look at things, and stepping right back and leaving him and it alone, but nothing seems to make him want to step into it all. He knows it's important to me, but more important to me is us working together in our beliefs, at least in some form, especially as we are talking about kids and I refuse to bring up my kids as creationists (at least he doesn't believe in infant batism)...

But yeah, where are some common starting points do you think?

And cheers for the PM invite. For now I'm pretty happy to stay private. I'm sure there will be other people in our situations who can find this useful!

[Malflick]

Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

Any suggestions from the Christian Guy on avenues for finding common ground? I've tried letting him read books in his own time, inviting him to ask questions, telling and showing him things... But he just isnt interested. I've tried forcing him to look at things, and stepping right back and leaving him and it alone, but nothing seems to make him want to step into it all. He knows it's important to me, but more important to me is us working together in our beliefs, at least in some form, especially as we are talking about kids and I refuse to bring up my kids as creationists (at least he doesn't believe in infant batism)...

But yeah, where are some common starting points do you think?

And cheers for the PM invite. For now I'm pretty happy to stay private. I'm sure there will be other people in our situations who can find this useful!

(Well, I believe in infant baptism XD...)

Try to find things about your faiths that are similar that you both enjoy/find spiritually moving. For example, I see God (and for total clarity here, my God, Yahweh) in nature. My girlfriend see's her gods in nature as well. I've really enjoyed getting to enjoy the spiritual aspect of Nature with her, and that first time we went on a hike together there was a real connection .

I don't know much about you or your husband, but if you don't know what would be in common, talk to him and try to find something. Ask him where he sees God in the world, or what makes him feel close to God. Once you can lay some bricks of common spiritual ground, even though your beliefs are different, you'll start having things you can share with each other about them.

I hope that's helpful!

Kids... Yeah. She and I haven't talked about kids yet. We're not at that point. But I hope those conversations go well... I would like kids and we would also have to work out that stuff, but obviously we haven't crossed that bridge yet lol.

(Is your husband a creationist?)

[Heka]

Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

(Well, I believe in infant baptism XD...)

Try to find things about your faiths that are similar that you both enjoy/find spiritually moving. For example, I see God (and for total clarity here, my God, Yahweh) in nature. My girlfriend see's her gods in nature as well. I've really enjoyed getting to enjoy the spiritual aspect of Nature with her, and that first time we went on a hike together there was a real connection .

I don't know much about you or your husband, but if you don't know what would be in common, talk to him and try to find something. Ask him where he sees God in the world, or what makes him feel close to God. Once you can lay some bricks of common spiritual ground, even though your beliefs are different, you'll start having things you can share with each other about them.

I hope that's helpful!

Kids... Yeah. She and I haven't talked about kids yet. We're not at that point. But I hope those conversations go well... I would like kids and we would also have to work out that stuff, but obviously we haven't crossed that bridge yet lol.

(Is your husband a creationist?)

Infant baptism will probably be one of those things you have to talk about then! haha (I'm rather against it personally, and the hubby doesn't like it so that's one thing we have in common thankfully!)

He's not the kinda guy to see God in nature, but asking questions about where he sees God in the world sounds like a good place to start. I like it

And yes, a creationist...

Poor bastard was pulled out of school in year 4 and homeschooled by his very ridiculously Christian parents (ridiculous as in formed their own church in town). Then worked in his parents shop till he was old enough for his brother to take him to the pub, and then he started to come out of his shell. Never really had the same opportunities other kids had to question their beliefs and those of the people around them. We live in a really small town, so being homeschooled is isolating. I'm not very fond of his mother for it...

[Malflick]

Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

Infant baptism will probably be one of those things you have to talk about then! haha (I'm rather against it personally, and the hubby doesn't like it so that's one thing we have in common thankfully!)

He's not the kinda guy to see God in nature, but asking questions about where he sees God in the world sounds like a good place to start. I like it

And yes, a creationist...

Poor bastard was pulled out of school in year 4 and homeschooled by his very ridiculously Christian parents (ridiculous as in formed their own church in town). Then worked in his parents shop till he was old enough for his brother to take him to the pub, and then he started to come out of his shell. Never really had the same opportunities other kids had to question their beliefs and those of the people around them. We live in a really small town, so being homeschooled is isolating. I'm not very fond of his mother for it...

That never even occurred to me before as something that would need to be discussed. There are probably many more things like that will slowly crop up :P.

Yeah, nature was ours, but obviously everybody is different. I wish you luck in talking with him ^_^!

...As for the creationist thing... Man :/ ... I find creationism infuriating (and not just because it makes Christians look dumb)... I'm sorry his parents were that way. I pray to God he starts finding his own path. I know a few pastor's kids, and I doubt you'd be surprised to learn how many of them end up very far from where their parents tried to lead them. Then again, its a very small town, and that's quite different then where I live... I would be annoyed at his mother as well...

That's quite the quandary in general though. If I may ask, what do his parents think of you? Do they know about your religious beliefs?

I really feel quite lucky my parents are the way they are, I was taught growing up that part of believing in God was questioning and doubting, and that that was okay, and that science was legitimate.... So I hope he starts asking some questions. Christianity is a much broader thing than he probably thinks it is. And now I'm rambling because its 2:30 AM here and I should go to sleep XD. Sorry I kind of trailed off here.

[Heka]

Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

That never even occurred to me before as something that would need to be discussed. There are probably many more things like that will slowly crop up :P.

Yeah, nature was ours, but obviously everybody is different. I wish you luck in talking with him ^_^!

...As for the creationist thing... Man :/ ... I find creationism infuriating (and not just because it makes Christians look dumb)... I'm sorry his parents were that way. I pray to God he starts finding his own path. I know a few pastor's kids, and I doubt you'd be surprised to learn how many of them end up very far from where their parents tried to lead them. Then again, its a very small town, and that's quite different then where I live... I would be annoyed at his mother as well...

That's quite the quandary in general though. If I may ask, what do his parents think of you? Do they know about your religious beliefs?

I really feel quite lucky my parents are the way they are, I was taught growing up that part of believing in God was questioning and doubting, and that that was okay, and that science was legitimate.... So I hope he starts asking some questions. Christianity is a much broader thing than he probably thinks it is. And now I'm rambling because its 2:30 AM here and I should go to sleep XD. Sorry I kind of trailed off here.

Lots of things will come up I'm sure. Pretty sure we haven't come up with them all yet either!

and thank you, luck is appreciated. It's also just trying to start the conversation without it seeming like I'm forcing it on him.

His folks aren't pastors. They're just kinda born again type lay people with their lay type church thing. But it's just that they pulled him out of school. He had no chance to question his beliefs to the extend that others have. No chance to ask "well he doesn't believe that, so why do I?" If he still did believe after that soul searching it'd be different, but he didn't...

I think they tolerate me... They act quite happy about us. But the mother in law was quite confronted of handfasting "because I'm pagan". They've stopped asking me to church though. I used to be asked every single week. They used to tell me all about their 'miracles' too... Sigh...

which reminds me. I found out recently that he gives a donation at his church thing every week, and not always a small one, like 20$. Personally I think that's too much to fund his family church every week... Just random thought that bothers me. I don't get $20 to buy candles a week, why should they?

also, ramble is good. I do it too!

[Malflick]

Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

Lots of things will come up I'm sure. Pretty sure we haven't come up with them all yet either!

and thank you, luck is appreciated. It's also just trying to start the conversation without it seeming like I'm forcing it on him.

His folks aren't pastors. They're just kinda born again type lay people with their lay type church thing. But it's just that they pulled him out of school. He had no chance to question his beliefs to the extend that others have. No chance to ask "well he doesn't believe that, so why do I?" If he still did believe after that soul searching it'd be different, but he didn't...

I think they tolerate me... They act quite happy about us. But the mother in law was quite confronted of handfasting "because I'm pagan". They've stopped asking me to church though. I used to be asked every single week. They used to tell me all about their 'miracles' too... Sigh...

which reminds me. I found out recently that he gives a donation at his church thing every week, and not always a small one, like 20$. Personally I think that's too much to fund his family church every week... Just random thought that bothers me. I don't get $20 to buy candles a week, why should they?

also, ramble is good. I do it too!

Ah... The ol' "miracles" line...

I'm getting this a lot more now (information is so useful!), its really too bad he never got that chance to ask questions like that... But he's open minded enough to realize you were awesome and marry you despite the religious differences, so there is hope he'll wonder more things as time goes on if he gets exposed to more things ^_^.

He's going to put his money where its important, and if that church is still important to him, whether he knows it or not, money is going to be going into it. $20 is quite a bit to put in weekly, so clearly he holds quite a bit of attachment of some sort or another to the place. Of course Church members are supporting their community and payin' the bills of having a building and services, so they need more money, and for most denominations giving a donation to support that is normal.
The amount however? Well.... Yeahhh....

I'm glad they at least tolerate you and seem happy enough about your existence, but I hope they learn to accept you.

This weekend I'm going to go visit my girlfriend's mom, dad, and brother, and to meet them all, so I'm hoping that I have good luck on that front as well lol....

[Heka]

Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

Haha you don't need an awesome mind to know I'm awesome :P But yes, he's not a complete douche, obvioiusly...

I'm not so much opposed to helping out not-for-profit organisations (eg churches) but it's rather different when it's your PARENTS LAY CHURCH.

haha acceptance :P They told the sister-in-law (there a 4 boys, mines the youngest, this is wife of oldest) at CHRISTMAS that she was going to HELL. Even though she's not religious in anyway. And it got to the point that she had to open christmas/birthday presents for her CHILDREN before the date because they were full of Jesus bullshit. The twins came out one day saying how everyone was soooo NAUGHTY because they didn't go on the Ark with Noah, all those people and animals etc were so NAUGHTY...

acceptance.... LOL

GOOD LUCK WITH THE FAMILY! And hopefully I can initiate dialogue with the hubby!

[Malflick]

Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

I see that perhaps acceptance might be hoping for too much... X_X...

And I think I'm confused on one matter- lay church? So is this something they run out of their home or something? Either way its weird he's giving his folks cash as such...

And... That's a not so happy Christmas. GAH. ._. Being told you are going to hell is never cool... I could go on, but... Well... Its not like you don't already know what I'd say X_X... UGH. Forcing your beliefs on others and their kids? Uncool.

Thank you! Let me know how the chat with your hubby goes ^_^

[Heka]

Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

Lay church, yeah, them and a few others started a church service in the local CWA hall, have a service on a Sunday and call themselves the Hawker Christian Fellowship.

Being non-denominational doesn't bother me (isn't it said that Jesus wouldn't like them?), it's the dollars... I don't care if they also claim to support some school in Peru. Until I see proof of anything other than a new projector I'm not going to like it.

Not to mention his folks are bloody terrible with money.

Two 4 hour drives coming up this weekend, start chatting then (we don't live together during the week, so not really going to start this one up through text!)

[Malflick]

Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

Okay, so meeting the folks went well! There were a bunch of bad storms there, so I was trapped there forced to spend more time with my awesome girlfriend for two days (oh no! XD). And we went to a Renaissance fair, where I met more Pagans than I ever have before in my life (well, that I knew were Pagans) which was pretty cool.

Her brother and I got along pretty well in person, thankfully. We have a lot of hobbies in common, and seeing me in person and as more than just his sister's Christian boyfriend apparently helped bundles.

I wish I could have stayed a bit longer for Midsummer, but oh well. Next year...

I hope your conversations have gone well Heka!

[Heka]

Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

Glad if all went well! A renaissance fair sounds awesome!

we talked, he cleared up my issues with the money and church, apparently there is some missionaries who travel around Chad and Ghana and it ones to helping them help people. We talked about his beliefs, which can be listed in about 5 sentences, we tried talking about mine, which can't. We talked about faith, and mostly we talked about sharing things. And this I the convo that has continued. We are trying to find away to share things together, like perhaps camping or hiking in the solstices and equinoxes or something. Finding links between pagan and Christian celebrations. But still doing our own thing. We still have a lot to talk about. I see him tomorrow, and he's working in the same town as me for a fortnight so hopefully we can talk more. He is reluctant though and I don't want to force anything on him... Well see how we go...

[Malflick]

Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

that sounds like an improvement, trying at the least is a step up. My fingers are crossed for you two.... I'm glad the conversation is at least going somewhere, even if its awkward.

And yeah, forcing things on people is not a good way to go... So I hope he is willing.

The adventure continues.

[Archimedes]

Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

I've dated a variety of women many of them christian or atheist being that this is the United States.

I am currently single, but I have decided that the next woman I get in a relationship with I want her to be a pagan one.

Preferably a Hellenic pagan but I'll settle for any kind of pagan culturally if we're compatible.

With Christian women I am tired of their endless prostelyzing being concerned about my so called eternal soul.

[Malflick]

Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

I've dated a variety of women many of them christian or atheist being that this is the United States.

I am currently single but I have decided that the next woman I get in a relationship with I want her to be a pagan one.

Preferably a Hellenic pagan but I'll settle for any kind of pagan culturally if we're compatible.

I hope you find someone compatible .

This actually segues into something I was thinking of bringing up:

My girlfriend brought up recently that after she and her previous boyfriend broke up she'd decided if she ever dated again, it would be a Pagan guy, and that I should be proud of how much I've respected and encouraged her beliefs. The fact that she really wanted to be with me being a key sign of that. It was a flattering thing to say, and made me happy, but also made me sad that that it might not be easy for a lot of people. I feel really honored she wanted to date me at all after how some other people have blatantly disrespected her.

So I was curious to hear other people's stories, good and bad and ugly, about interfaith dating.

[Heka]

Re: Christian Guy fallen for Pagan Girl

Hubby's gone south again now, so break in conversation (not that we conversed much anyway), but he's back on Wednesday so back into it!!!

Glad to hear she changed her mind for you! haha

I hope you find someone that words too Archimedes! Though I wouldn't know where to find a Hellenic pagan...