Sister usings kids as a control device.

[Unlogisch]

Re: Sister usings kids as a control device.

...something very easy for the "victims" to break out of.

My best friend of seven years, the one person with whom I am closer than anyone else in this world, has been trying desperately, to no avail, to escape from her mother's toxic controlling behavior for at least the past decade and has suffered greatly. Parents who exhibit controlling behavior frequently take as much advantage as their situation allows and then put a great deal of effort into bending the situation in order to give themselves total control over their children or whomever suits them at the time. While such a situation only rarely lasts past the victim's early adulthood, it is rarely ever easy to break the cycle of abusive behavior that results from it so I'm curious as to why you seem to think that it is easy to break away from.

[dreamweaver]

Re: Sister usings kids as a control device.

Doc please be very careful of what you do.I had a very controlling mother and when my brother and I tried to break away it cost us both our families.There are three kids that stayed close but both of my parents went to their graves without our knowledge and the other three will not get together with us twenty five years later even though we have openly tried.

[Sonku]

Re: Sister usings kids as a control device.

I don't think if the kids get to know that their mother is using them to get what she wants that they will be happy about that, but at the moment, i think to let her take her kids hoping that she is punishing you when she sees that each time when she does that you don't care, she will obviously realize that her trick is no longer working and she will have to come up with another trick but at least that one will be finished. Stop showing her that you guys really care when she takes the kids.

[anubisa]

Re: Sister usings kids as a control device.

Everybody has great ideas. I really don't think it is fair that your sister is doing this to you. She is really acting like a child. Eventually she will regret it when the children grow up and wonder why their uncle hasn't been able to be around them.

[Vigdisdotter]

Re: Sister usings kids as a control device.

Doc, I think it's a given that your sister will not be happy about anything you/your family come up with. But that's irrelevant. The point is that everyone needs to be on the same page. I think the family council idea is a good one. If she refuses it, that's on her. She had an opportunity and wasted it. It's more important that all be on the same page of how to deal with her.

[alternatingSelves]

Re: Sister usings kids as a control device.

oh god that's awful! if it were me, I'd try to talk to her about it. tell her the consequences of her actions. how it might make it hard for the kids to not have family, how you love them and want to see them whenever you can and be a part of their life, but you do need to do things for yourself. it may not work, but I always find it's a good first step at least. try talking to her, and if it doesn't work, try other methods. or if there's anyone in the family who sort of has more power than the others, have them talk to her. like a grandparent, or older sibling