How are you raising your children religiously?

[habbalah]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

I neither have nor plan to have kids, but I'd expose them to different paths and encourage them to find what's right for them.

[satanic witch]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

When I have kids I wont hide my religion . But I will explain it when they reach an age to were they will understand it. Im not going to force them into any religion . Im letting them choose what works for them

[DanieMarie]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

We don't have kids yet, but we'll be letting them choose. H is a convicted atheist, but he has somewhat of a protestant background* and feels a bit of understanding towards Christians, especially Lutherans. He also knows about my beliefs and respects them....he's even said that if he DID have a religion, he'd follow a nature path. I am pagan and more or less pantheistic in my beliefs, but I went to the Anglican church for a few years growing up and also got exposed to a few other religions (my mom was kind of curious). I think everyone needs to find their own path. I won't hide what I believe and H won't hide what he believes, but it's up to our kids to decide what they want to take out of that (if anything).

We do want them to share our social values, though. We want them to believe in social and economic equality, and we do NOT want them to hate people because of their religion, race, gender, or sexual orientation. So, that's what we're going to be passing on. We also want to teach them about respecting living things, how things grow, and all that jazz. It's up to them whether or not they take any spiritual significance out of it like I do, but we both feel strongly about that stuff.


*like, a couple of generations back....he grew up in communist Germany and his family were pretty bent on atheism, plus, he's a Berliner and this is a notoriously atheist city

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*We thank the earth, the sun, the rain, the wind, and the many hands that bring us our meals
*Our bedtime stories are the world's mythology--all of it, Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, Jewish, Christian, Polynesian, Inuit, you name it...and modern fiction too
*We celebrate the seasons of the year in our local ecosystem and do a lot of nature-based or traditional crafts (vesta making, perfect for Candlemas)
*We play in nature and pay attention to what is going on in it
*We make up our own stories and customs and traditions (Chickadee has long had her own pantheon)
*We talk to the people we love, whether they are here or not, as if they can hear us
*We meditate as a means to examining (and accepting or letting go of) our feelings and our connection
*We learn alot about science and culture and history, and how ideas change over time
*To appreciate life, good or bad, happy or sad...because the act of living is something to be savored
.

Actually, this is exactly what we want to do. I had a background like that (though, not really pagan) and so did H (though atheist) and I think those things are so important.

[Azvanna]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

There's an essay by the (grown-up) kid of Victor and Cora Anderson (the founders of the Feri tradition) on this subject that I think is worth considering...which is similar to my (previously stated from my phone) opinion.

But, as someone that *is* parenting Pagan, I can tell you what that actually looks like in our home, which might be more helpful.

*We thank the earth, the sun, the rain, the wind, and the many hands that bring us our meals
*Our bedtime stories are the world's mythology--all of it, Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, Jewish, Christian, Polynesian, Inuit, you name it...and modern fiction too
*We celebrate the seasons of the year in our local ecosystem and do a lot of nature-based or traditional crafts (vesta making, perfect for Candlemas)
*We play in nature and pay attention to what is going on in it
*We make up our own stories and customs and traditions (Chickadee has long had her own pantheon)
*We talk to the people we love, whether they are here or not, as if they can hear us
*We meditate as a means to examining (and accepting or letting go of) our feelings and our connection
*We learn alot about science and culture and history, and how ideas change over time
*To appreciate life, good or bad, happy or sad...because the act of living is something to be savored

I'm not trying to raise my children to identify as Pagan when they grow up. I'm trying to raise my children to think of their role in the world outside of themselves, to have compassion for the beings around them, to be thankful for the many things that occur for them to have the things they have, to honor those that have worked and struggled to survive in a world that can be beautiful and terrible at the same time, to appreciate the rich history of the Universe and of humanity and to see the wonder in both, and to stand up for the things they find dear to them.

In short, I'm raising my children to have the qualities that I think they need to be good people. I don't care what religion they identify as, I care that they say "please" when they ask for something, "thank you" when they recieve it, that they help the little old man crossing the street with a cane and groceries and hold the door for the mom struggling with a stroller. I care that my kids take the spider outside instead of squashing it, that they look at a sunset awestruck, that they recycle a can instead of throwing it on the ground even if it means carrying it longer. I care that my children know that we are not defined by our gods or our skin color or our hair color or body type or gender, but by the relationships we have with each other, and with the world around us. I want my children to listen to the Universe with their entire body and know that (to quote Neil deGrasse Tyson) not only “The atoms of our bodies are traceable to stars that manufactured them in their cores and exploded these enriched ingredients across our galaxy, billions of years ago. For this reason, we are biologically connected to every other living thing in the world. We are chemically connected to all molecules on Earth. And we are atomically connected to all atoms in the universe. We are not figuratively, but literally stardust.”...but also that being something metaphorically or figuratively or spiritually (whatever you want to call it) isn't less than...they they are biologically, physically, chemically, and*...

*and is pretty much the big mystery...I want them to embrace and celebrate that mystery, whether they do so as the human imagination, as a world full or gods, or as a single god.

What an awesome response! Your children are blessed to have such parents. I hope I can be that good. lol

[RowanModig]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

I'm wiccan and my boyfriend was raised in the mormon church. The one thing we are both adamant about is not introducing our son or any future children to religion until they express an interest in it. We were both forced to be parts of religions we didn't necessarily believe in or have faith in. We both agree that our kids should be able to make their own decisions. It is possible to explain your religious/spiritual beliefs without essentially forcing your children to be a part of it.

[thalassa]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

I don't believe in letting kids just make up their own minds about things completely on their own without any idea of what their parents are etc. It's like I'm going to let my kids eat whatever they want. I don't want to pressure them to eat healthy foods.

Nope. Eat that shit. Now. When you are able to make up your own mind relatively sanely in your teens, you can eat whatever you want to cook.

Somehow I missed this... Effin right on.

Today, I took Phee to the doctor (round 2 with strep) this morning and we had the choice of antibiotic shot in the butt or 10 more days, twice a day, oral antibiotics. Kiddo got the shot in the ass event though it hurt...becuase now its over and done with and killin those germs and she can go to schoo tomorrow.

Parenting is about choosing for your child because you understand more about the world than they do (hopefully, though I've met some parents where = have my doubts) until they have the capacity to choose for themselves.

[RowanModig]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

Parenting is about choosing for your child because you understand more about the world than they do (hopefully, though I've met some parents where = have my doubts) until they have the capacity to choose for themselves.

I completely agree but there is a line between the things you have to do for them or subject them to for their health/safety and matters of free will, such as religion or art or music or tattoos. My kid doesn't like veggies but I still make him eat that s**t but I'm not going to tell him he has to be Wiccan or he has to like The Beatles.

[SilverShadow]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

I'm not going to have kids, in all likelihood, but I've given thought to what might happen if I chose to....

My kids would be raised with my morals and ethics, but they wouldn't have to adhere to my beliefs. So, they wouldn't be allowed to use sexist, racist homophobic, transphobic and other generally gross words in my house. They'd eat what I gave them to eat. When they got older, they'd be allowed to choose whether or not they're going to be a jerk, but that's their choice and they're still not allowed to do it in my house. Of course, I'd hope that bringing them up to NOT be complete jerks would have rubbed off on them and then we wouldn't have an issue.

But then when it comes to beliefs, especially of a spiritual nature, I'd let the know what's going on with me and what I believe. But I'd give them the whole spread of what they can choose from. No point saying "WE'RE ALL HEATHENS IN THIS HOUSE!" because that's just asking for a rebellion in teenage years (in my experience, as a teenager who didn't rebel because her parents basically shrugged and said "Whatever, just don't join a cult").

[RowanModig]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

My kids would be raised with my morals and ethics, but they wouldn't have to adhere to my beliefs. So, they wouldn't be allowed to use sexist, racist homophobic, transphobic and other generally gross words in my house. They'd eat what I gave them to eat. When they got older, they'd be allowed to choose whether or not they're going to be a jerk, but that's their choice and they're still not allowed to do it in my house. Of course, I'd hope that bringing them up to NOT be complete jerks would have rubbed off on them and then we wouldn't have an issue.

But then when it comes to beliefs, especially of a spiritual nature, I'd let the know what's going on with me and what I believe. But I'd give them the whole spread of what they can choose from. No point saying "WE'RE ALL HEATHENS IN THIS HOUSE!" because that's just asking for a rebellion in teenage years (in my experience, as a teenager who didn't rebel because her parents basically shrugged and said "Whatever, just don't join a cult").

This! Thank you for being able to word this in a way I couldn't seem to.

[kalynraye]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

I think that it makes no sense to choose something that you think is a truth (different from the truth), beneficial, and life enriching, and then deny that to your child.

You can teach your child what you believe and you can give them a practice that gives them the freedom to make their own choices without forcing your beliefs upon them.. Because if you don't teach them *anything* out of some (imo, misguided but well meaning) attempt to not indoctrinate them or whatever, what you are really doing is creating a vacuum...and that vacuum will eventually get filled with something that you'd rather it didn't.

And yeah, there are religions out there that I'd rather my children didn't.

I want to teach them my faith. I want to show it to them and want them to see how much meaning it has for me and hopefully they will pick up on it too. My Grandmother lives her faith every day. It is part of her being and it shines through her. I want that, and I want them to see it and also have it. Its something that I don't want to deny to them but KP also feels very strongly about it. Were stuck at a crossroads, one we will have to work on when the time comes closer but I don't want to hide my beliefs from them.

[thalassa]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

I completely agree but there is a line between the things you have to do for them or subject them to for their health/safety and matters of free will, such as religion or art or music or tattoos. My kid doesn't like veggies but I still make him eat that s**t but I'm not going to tell him he has to be Wiccan or he has to like The Beatles.

So, you will never play music in your home until your kid has their own musical taste? How are they going to get that, if they don't listen to music outside of school and their friends? As a parent, (assuming you want a well rounded child, capable of making an intelligent choice) you share music with them and talk about the music you like and explain why, and show them some music you might not be so fond of and maybe explain why, and by default, they listen to your music til they have their own ipod...

Choosing for your child til they have the capacity to choose for themselves is what you do as a parent. I certainly can't leave a 7 year old home alone to go to a Yule ritual at nighttime (and even if she could, its a matter of cultural literacy, when the kids are older she we'll go to synagogue and temple and some churches too)....she comes along. She can cartainly make the choice to participate or not, but there are still expectations of behavior that pretty much gaurantee she'd rather participate than sit at a table quietly with a coloring book and a kindle (now this is sharkbait's preference).

We don't drag our kids to ritual and stuff beliefs down their throats. I was raised in the UCC, a liberal and progressive Christian church. I was "out" as a Pagan at 13 or 14 to my parents and grandparents after having rejected Christianity around 11 or 12 and started looking at various world religions in general and Wicca and Paganism specifically. My parents never condemed my beliefs, they never made me go to church (since I was old enough to stay home if I wanted to), but I went anyway. I also joined my
BFF's CYO as a Pagan--the priest thought it was "cool", I went to Lutheran youth group retreats with my other BFF, and I went to Kingdom Hall services with a JW friend and with my Mormon friend to whatever they call the services/testimony/education thing they do when I would spend the night. You can participate in religious services and not believe in them...but the foundation to experience religion and to evaluate it, to practice discernment (some religions suck), IMO is best started at home as a life-long process. The most effective learning is usually experiental.

Because if you don't give your kids the tools to do this, their friends and the media will. I'd rather lay down the foundation for my child to make an educated choice, using the tools that I (through 26 years more life experience and observation) had discovered "work" (otherwise, why would I be using them?) than leave a vacuum to be filled by whatever's lying around at the time. Religion isn't just a matter of personal beliefs, its also a cultural expression and societal experience, its a tool box...I'd rather my kids know how to use it than cut themselves on it.

[DanieMarie]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

I dunno...I agree with you, but it's also hard to raise your kids that way when you have two people who have different beliefs. I don't think we could raise our kids religiously. H still has a lot of remaining communist beliefs. He can respect the religions of others and he'd be fine with our children choosing to be religious, but I really don't think he could handle them being told that there is a higher power. As a communist, he tends to put atheism first (communist atheism can be really complex....it's hard to describe. It's different than the brand of western-style atheism that most of us are familiar with). He's fine with me doing my thing. He's fine with them taking part in it if they get interested. He's fine with reading them mythology, teaching them secular ethics, teaching them our shared values (despite our different religious beliefs, there are a lot of those), teaching them the importance of nature (something he also holds dear as an atheist), and exposing them to the beliefs of others, but he draws a line at raising them religiously. I'm ok with that. I respect his beliefs, just like he respects mine.

I don't know, though. I don't really consider "exposing our kids to religion" and "raising our kids religiously" to be the same thing. The first is where we want to go. The second is too hard to reconcile for our differing spiritual beliefs.

[nbdy]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

When the children were younger I took them to a UU congregation that reflected a wide variety of beliefs, from earth-based religions to Christianity. There were even firm atheists in the congregation who simply enjoyed the community. We did food bank work with a local mosque and even the B'hai presented one Sunday. My husband would only go to the occasional pot luck, and was ambivalent. I wanted them to see that there were many ways of developing community and approaching the divine. After elementary school they got to choose whether they wanted to go or not, and eventually attendance ended altogether. I am not worried about them nor do I feel the need to provide structure for their spirituality, they each have a strong moral compass and good heart. They'll be fine. I answer whatever questions they have honestly, and we have had some pretty deep discussions. I'll admit that I cringed a little bit inside when the oldest started going to a Baptist teen group at one point, but I never let on and let him find his way. I'll admit that I am glad he stopped going after about a year, but I never let on, never expressed relief or showed any disrespect for the faith of others.

[thalassa]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

I don't know, though. I don't really consider "exposing our kids to religion" and "raising our kids religiously" to be the same thing. The first is where we want to go. The second is too hard to reconcile for our differing spiritual beliefs.

See, now I consider the first to be an essential part of the second. Or maybe the latter is an important part of the former. Or both.

Suffice to say, I don't see the two as separate. The fact that we don't celebrate Christmas (unless we are visiting family) has to be explained somehow... "Some people believe in Jesus and celebrate his birth, but we celebrate the Winter Solstice, or the time when the day grows longer and some people a long time ago thought that the Sun had died and was being reborn" is both of those things. I think folks have some incredibly brainwashing or formal ideas about religious education or something.

In reality, all this means is that if I do something, I take the kid(s) with me (assuming its a child-friendly event)...if Hubby does something, he takes the kid(s) with him (same caveat) and if we go to something together (or do something together in the home) the kids come along then too. And before/after we talk about whatever they have questions about. Scott and I are both Pagan, but we don't believe the same thing. He's way more polytheist than I am and far less agnostic than I am. He's also *way* more pantheon-specific than I am, with some (occasionally annoying) recon tendencies. Our individual private practices, though you wouldn't know it if we were at a public ritual, look very different in our home (which is something out kids generally don't participate in). That is how we raise our kids with religion.

If Scott were still Catholic or I were still UCC, they'd go there too (actually, I took the kids to UCC services at my childhood church when we were living back in Illinois because I had friends and family there that I wanted to see). When we regularly attended UU services, we took them there too (the UU has a great RE program for kids anyhow). If I were atheist, they'd still go *wherever* with the other parent until they were old enough to decide on their own (middle-schoolish is a good age for that)...and then we'd (because with kids, the subject would come up) talk about why I don't go to *wherever*----my uncle is atheist and his wife is hard core super-Catholic and this is exactly how my cousin was raised (and as an adult, she considers herself an atheist that likes church).

I have one kid that does discernment better than most adults, and another that wouldn't know how to discern a paper bag if it bit him on the nose...and even he gets the idea that different people believe different things, and this is what these people (including parent A) believe, versus this is what these other people (including parent B) believe. Our kids live in a pretty diverse area (since its mostly military), and they have a lot of mixed (religiously, ethnically, racially, culturally, etc) kids... The fact that our kids are raised celebrating Yule and don't go to church is actually considered a pretty cool thing (and this be the home of Pat Robertson and Jerry Faldwell), but it means that at some point you have to explain Christmas (or if you go to a Beltane festival or a Samhain ritual or whatever, you are going to have to explain that--unless you complete*).

If someone *doesn't* want to raise their kids with religion, that's their business...but what I take umbrage at is calling it "forcing" religion on one's children (not saying you used this term Danie)... Forcing religion on your children is Jesus Camp and strapping bombs to little kids.

*ETA: Wow, I left that thought dangling... I think I was saying unless you completely don't have your children participate in anything religions in a sort of blank-slate way (and yes, there are parents that do this)

[DanieMarie]

Re: How are you raising your children religiously?

I guess it makes sense for you. For us it's a little different. When it comes to beliefs and spiritual practices, my introverted side totally takes over. I just like to be alone and have some space to myself. I don't go to events and I don't take part in any community activities in that regard. Because my BF is atheist, he doesn't have any religious practices. We celebrate "Christian" holidays because they're also super secular. We both grew up celebrating them even though neither of us really grew up Christian (I don't consider going to church for 2 years "growing up Christian), so we don't really associate them with religion. We also celebrate the solstices and equinoxes...I guess that will factor in for us.

I guess on our end, politics play a bigger role in our public lives. I get super involved in political issues and go to protests and stuff like that a few times a year. H also really cares about politics. We don't want to choose political beliefs for our kids, but we'll probably drag them to environmentalist and socialist protests, rallies and events. We want them to know that mama supports the Green Party and papa supports the Left Party, and the role that politics play in our lives.