My parents won't let me live down my mistakes. I'm their only child and they are, without saying it directly, disappointed in me as a daughter. I'm unsuccessful on paper, I go from job to job, I'm single and have no intention of fixing that, I'm disinterested in children, I'm outspokenly atheist and left-leaning (as opposed to their conservative Christianity), and I don't like to spend time with them.
Every time they do something for me (and they've taken wonderful care of me, don't get me wrong), it comes with strings of guilt. May it be said that I don't ask for money and have been out of the house since I was 18 (almost a decade). I asked them for help purchasing a car and they decided on their own to buy one for me and present it as a gift -- which I am SUPREMELY grateful for. But as soon as they gave it to me, my dad said some BS about "you need to get married so someone else can take care of you."
All my birthday cards and Valentine's cards say patronizing things like, "even though we've had lots of trouble with you, you're loved." They make me feel like a burden. They treat me like a child because I don't live the way they know and approve of. They told me "all you have to do is be honest," and so I was honest. Told them long ago I smoke weed, drink, have sex, and am atheist. They didn't want to know that. They want their perfect little 12 year old back.
It's taking a toll on me. I can't stand to be around them. If I have a problem, they suggest schooling, but then if *I* suggest schooling, my mother reminds me how awful I am at it.
I don't want to be around them. I don't want to talk to them. They depress me. My dad hates his life and is disappointed in himself and is worried that I'm going to wind up the same way (a loser). My mom constantly tells me that "she blames herself for all my failures."
They won't let it go. I fucking hate being around them. I dread it. But I can't distance myself because I DO love them and they simply don't understand at all.
What the hell am I supposed to do about this?
Every time they do something for me (and they've taken wonderful care of me, don't get me wrong), it comes with strings of guilt. May it be said that I don't ask for money and have been out of the house since I was 18 (almost a decade). I asked them for help purchasing a car and they decided on their own to buy one for me and present it as a gift -- which I am SUPREMELY grateful for. But as soon as they gave it to me, my dad said some BS about "you need to get married so someone else can take care of you."
All my birthday cards and Valentine's cards say patronizing things like, "even though we've had lots of trouble with you, you're loved." They make me feel like a burden. They treat me like a child because I don't live the way they know and approve of. They told me "all you have to do is be honest," and so I was honest. Told them long ago I smoke weed, drink, have sex, and am atheist. They didn't want to know that. They want their perfect little 12 year old back.
It's taking a toll on me. I can't stand to be around them. If I have a problem, they suggest schooling, but then if *I* suggest schooling, my mother reminds me how awful I am at it.
I don't want to be around them. I don't want to talk to them. They depress me. My dad hates his life and is disappointed in himself and is worried that I'm going to wind up the same way (a loser). My mom constantly tells me that "she blames herself for all my failures."
They won't let it go. I fucking hate being around them. I dread it. But I can't distance myself because I DO love them and they simply don't understand at all.
What the hell am I supposed to do about this?
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