THE RANT THREAD!

[Azvanna]

Re: THE RANT THREAD!

To any couples who have not yet had children: Make sure you get sorted on dividing chores before the baby comes! Enough said. >.<

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Well, make that for couples who are thinking of moving in together or have only just moved in together even. The earlier the better!

[DanieMarie]

Re: THE RANT THREAD!

To any couples who have not yet had children: Make sure you get sorted on dividing chores before the baby comes! Enough said. >.<

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Well, make that for couples who are thinking of moving in together or have only just moved in together even. The earlier the better!

Yes, absolutely.

Even on the other side of that issue (the one who is a bit more of a slacker when it comes to chores....it's not always the woman who ends up being the "cleaner," let me tell you!), I can say that talking about it beforehand saves a lot of headache. I wish that we had a serious conversation about our cleaning habits and expectations before we moved in together.

[Azvanna]

Re: THE RANT THREAD!

Yes, absolutely.

Even on the other side of that issue (the one who is a bit more of a slacker when it comes to chores....it's not always the woman who ends up being the "cleaner," let me tell you!), I can say that talking about it beforehand saves a lot of headache. I wish that we had a serious conversation about our cleaning habits and expectations before we moved in together.

So true. Talking helps, but nothing beats experience! I know not many people go from living with their parents to living with their life partner anymore, but IMO everyone should have the experience of running their own house before moving in with a life partner. For at least 2 years. Then you really know what it takes to keep a household going.

Household habits are probably the hardest thing to change, too. I read somewhere that one of the top reasons for divorce is inability to work together to run the home. I think many men still think of housework as women's work. Maybe not overtly, but I believe it's there still. Slowly it's changing as mothers raise their sons to be domesticated, but I tell you what I do not see many men out with the mop and vacuum cleaner!

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Slowly it's changing as mothers raise their sons to be domesticated

oops! Talk about gender roles!! That should read: as parents teach their children...

[Hawkfeathers]

Re: THE RANT THREAD!

Before I got married, we talked a lot about who would do what, but he basically renegged on everything as soon as the rings were on the fingers. Watch people carefully to see that they DO what they SAY.

[DanieMarie]

Re: THE RANT THREAD!

So true. Talking helps, but nothing beats experience! I know not many people go from living with their parents to living with their life partner anymore, but IMO everyone should have the experience of running their own house before moving in with a life partner. For at least 2 years. Then you really know what it takes to keep a household going.

Household habits are probably the hardest thing to change, too. I read somewhere that one of the top reasons for divorce is inability to work together to run the home. I think many men still think of housework as women's work. Maybe not overtly, but I believe it's there still. Slowly it's changing as mothers raise their sons to be domesticated, but I tell you what I do not see many men out with the mop and vacuum cleaner!

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oops! Talk about gender roles!! That should read: as parents teach their children...

Haha totally. Though, I lived on my own for over a decade before my boyfriend moved in with me and 8 of those years were totally alone! Sometimes it can be hard to reconcile "your way" and "their way" of doing things. I was 28 when we moved in together, but he was my first long-term boyfriend and the first guy I ever lived with, so it was a new experience. I'd had roommates, but living with roommates and living with a partner are totally different, IMO.

If it means anything though, H is totally comfortable with a mop and vacuum cleaner! Of the two of us, he's definitely the "clean one." Every time a female friend justifies her boyfriend's behaviour because "women just know" and "men just don't know that stuff", I'm like "NOPE." There are women out there who kind of suck at housework (I'm one of them! It takes me two hours to do what H can do in 30 minutes) and there are men out there who are great at cleaning. It's all about attitudes and practice. Heck, even I'm getting better!

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Before I got married, we talked a lot about who would do what, but he basically renegged on everything as soon as the rings were on the fingers. Watch people carefully to see that they DO what they SAY.

Yeah, for sure. I know that different people have different values when it comes to this, but if they don't have any strong religious beliefs that prevent them from doing so, I think it's important to live together before getting married. You can never know what it's like to live with someone unless you actually do it, and if you're going to marry someone, you HAVE to be able to live with them. Some people might get along fine in some situations, but can't live together. Like, my best friend from Canada and I get along great as friends, but I think we would kill each other as roommates. I have another close friend from Canada and we were roommates once...for all of a month. Things blew up really quickly and we didn't talk for a year after that. Luckily, we managed to fix the friendship, but we both had to admit that living together was a stupid idea. Living with a partner is definitely different than living with roommates, but I think that the "you can't live with some people, no matter how much you like them" thing applies to partners as well. Plus, it's way better to resolve how annoying it is when she leaves socks on the floor and how he always wants to dominate the TV to watch football every single night when you're not also trying to pay off a wedding, figure out joint bank accounts and taxes, and other stuff that you have to do when you get married.

[volcaniclastic]

Re: THE RANT THREAD!

12th straight day of work! 9 more to go before I have a day off! >

[thalassa]

Re: THE RANT THREAD!

but I think that the "you can't live with some people, no matter how much you like them" thing applies to partners as well. Plus, it's way better to resolve how annoying it is when she leaves socks on the floor and how he always wants to dominate the TV to watch football every single night when you're not also trying to pay off a wedding, figure out joint bank accounts and taxes, and other stuff that you have to do when you get married.

I think part of the problem here is smaller family size and larger house sizes. My paternal grandfatherspent his childhood in a two bedroom home (really it was one bedroom, an attic in the winter and a converted porch in the summer) with 8 brothers and sisters where he shared a full sized bed with two of his brothers (the girls had a bunk bed with a trundle and took turns on who got the top bunk by themselves). My maternal grandmother grew up in a one bedroom farmhouse and shared a converted porch (which doubled as the summer kitchen) with 5 sisters. My maternal grandfather shared a room with two sisters and a brother, until they were teens and their dad built an room addition on the house for the boys. My paternal grandmother is the odd one out--her family had money, and her and her (only) brother had their own rooms at 6 and 8...but they still shared a nursery room when they were little.

Most of my friends had their own rooms, or at most shared with one sibling. My brothers have had their own bedrooms since they were so small they can't even remember sharing (as did I--I was an only child until 17)...and (now) my mom and stepdad live in a 4 bedroom house. My kids share a room, and most people my age or younger think that is wierd (since they aren't the same gender)... There's just not the same pressure to coexist in close quarters, and as a result I think people have less coping skills--I noticed this a lot when I was in the Navy and to a lesser extent, in college.

[anunitu]

Re: THE RANT THREAD!

I grew up sharing a room with my Brother,my two sisters shared a room also,mainly we had this because in the projects,two different gender children could NOT share a room,it was the times(1945-1960) and it was felt improper for the genders to sleep in the same room.

[thalassa]

Re: THE RANT THREAD!

I grew up sharing a room with my Brother,my two sisters shared a room also,mainly we had this because in the projects,two different gender children could NOT share a room,it was the times(1945-1960) and it was felt improper for the genders to sleep in the same room.

That's interesting...because my maternal grandparents aren't too much older, and my paternal grandparents the generation preceeding that one and mixed genders sharing rooms (at least as younger kids) wasn't considered odd. I wonder if its a regional difference, or the urban/rural thing--I grew up in what was (at that time) a small town in a rural farming community (now its a suburban commuter town with some farming holdouts).

[anunitu]

Re: THE RANT THREAD!

I grew up in Oakland,California,I do kinda think the moral thing was more rampant in large cities,there was a lot more censorship on TV and other places.

[DanieMarie]

Re: THE RANT THREAD!

I think part of the problem here is smaller family size and larger house sizes. My paternal grandfatherspent his childhood in a two bedroom home (really it was one bedroom, an attic in the winter and a converted porch in the summer) with 8 brothers and sisters where he shared a full sized bed with two of his brothers (the girls had a bunk bed with a trundle and took turns on who got the top bunk by themselves). My maternal grandmother grew up in a one bedroom farmhouse and shared a converted porch (which doubled as the summer kitchen) with 5 sisters. My maternal grandfather shared a room with two sisters and a brother, until they were teens and their dad built an room addition on the house for the boys. My paternal grandmother is the odd one out--her family had money, and her and her (only) brother had their own rooms at 6 and 8...but they still shared a nursery room when they were little.

Most of my friends had their own rooms, or at most shared with one sibling. My brothers have had their own bedrooms since they were so small they can't even remember sharing (as did I--I was an only child until 17)...and (now) my mom and stepdad live in a 4 bedroom house. My kids share a room, and most people my age or younger think that is wierd (since they aren't the same gender)... There's just not the same pressure to coexist in close quarters, and as a result I think people have less coping skills--I noticed this a lot when I was in the Navy and to a lesser extent, in college.

That's a really good point...I hadn't thought of that. I guess that if you really have to make it work, you make it work.

We'll probably have our kids share rooms out of necessity, because there is a lot less space in Europe than in North America. I mean, there are bigger houses and apartments, but they're way out of our price range. We'll probably only have 5 rooms including things like living rooms and office rooms...German housing never counts bedrooms...they always count all of the rooms except the kitchen and bathroom.

[Hawkfeathers]

Re: THE RANT THREAD!

I'm an only child, so I've always had my own room. I remember kids in school who lived in fairly small houses with quite a few kids - one had 6 in the house, another 11, most had 3 or 4, and they were split up by gender. Seems like, a few decades ago, even in upper class families, it was very typical for kids to share rooms, like on "The Brady Bunch". Now, in the big McMansion homes, every kid has their own suite.

[monsno_leedra]

Re: THE RANT THREAD!

I think part of the problem here is smaller family size and larger house sizes. My paternal grandfatherspent his childhood in a two bedroom home (really it was one bedroom, an attic in the winter and a converted porch in the summer) with 8 brothers and sisters where he shared a full sized bed with two of his brothers (the girls had a bunk bed with a trundle and took turns on who got the top bunk by themselves). My maternal grandmother grew up in a one bedroom farmhouse and shared a converted porch (which doubled as the summer kitchen) with 5 sisters. My maternal grandfather shared a room with two sisters and a brother, until they were teens and their dad built an room addition on the house for the boys. My paternal grandmother is the odd one out--her family had money, and her and her (only) brother had their own rooms at 6 and 8...but they still shared a nursery room when they were little.

Most of my friends had their own rooms, or at most shared with one sibling. My brothers have had their own bedrooms since they were so small they can't even remember sharing (as did I--I was an only child until 17)...and (now) my mom and stepdad live in a 4 bedroom house. My kids share a room, and most people my age or younger think that is wierd (since they aren't the same gender)... There's just not the same pressure to coexist in close quarters, and as a result I think people have less coping skills--I noticed this a lot when I was in the Navy and to a lesser extent, in college.

I agree with the coping thing and the Navy or any of the other services that I served with. Dealt with it as a young sailor living in the barracks and later as an LPO and CPO dealing with my subordinates who lived in the barracks or berthing areas on ship. Saw that many times you could tell who came from a larger family that shared rooms and such or smaller families with only one or two siblings and never shared a room. Though a couple of the worse pains in the butt for me where people who finally had a place to themselves and went crazy.

For us growing up I shared a room with my younger brother and my three sisters shared a room. Do recall sharing a room with my younger sister for a bit but that stopped clearly by the time I entered early teens.

I recall in military housing there was no difference till they were around 8 or 9 when they had to be separated. Maybe a bit earlier depending on how many housing units the particular base had as I recall one where it was earlier but waiting for housing was nothing at the time. Heck so much housing that 3 and 4 bedroom units were given to people who otherwise would only qualify for single or double bedroom units.

[DanieMarie]

Re: THE RANT THREAD!

I admit I've only had to share a room with someone once in my entire life, when I was working at a hotel in the middle of nowhere between semesters in college. It was kind of a crazy work atmosphere so I quit after a month, but I was really lucky to have great roommates. I kind of wish that I had done dorms in college and learned to live in close quarters for a longer period of time.

I do think that living in an apartment alone actually made it harder to live with someone. I had roommates, but I also lived alone for a long time. Living alone makes you stuck in your habits and no one calls you on your bad habits. When you finally change, it can be a challenge. Now, I've been living with my BF for two years and he's studying in a different city. I'll move over there with him in February and I can't wait. We might have our odd spats about who left yarn lying around or who hogs the TV (why is football on EVERY NIGHT???) but I'm used to it now and I miss it.

[Munin-Hugin]

Re: THE RANT THREAD!

Ugh. Another education-ish rant. The same guy who asked me about "speaking Canadian or whatever" in Canada asked me today if there were any birds that couldn't fly. So I said that there were, and started to list off a few.

Ostrich
Emu
Some ducks
Some hens
Penguins

It was then he stopped me and looked confused.

"Yo, whaaa? Dem peng-gins ain't no bird, is dey? I mean, tehy's swimmin' and shit, right?"

Before I could answer, one of the other guys piped up. "You a dope, man! What the hell do ya think it is, a friggin' fish?"