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    #1

    Decisions decisions, and making the right choice.

    To sum it up quickly, my mIL was in town last weekend from Wisconsin, and made mention of us moving up there to live with them. His parents moved from Texas to Wisconsin 5 years ago and he has been bummed ever since to be away from them. So I joked back we'd be there next spring. We'll it has turned into a very serious conversation and apparently if we did go it would be in December. I am not against going and I'm not against staying. In fact the pros of staying in Texas are way smaller then going. But KP is having a very very hard time with it. He beats himself up on a daily basis for moving back to Texas and he doesn't want this to be a mistake.

    Pros of staying in Texas: I wouldn't hurt my family's feeling by leaving, even if I don't see them now.
    KP could start school in spring
    We would have our own place, but we wouldn't cause we have roommates
    I just got a promotion

    Cons: we aren't paying off the debt we aquired to move to Texas in fact it's building
    KP hates his job with a passion
    In all honesty we have no one but each other that we share comm on hobbies and interests. We're nerds and like to do nerds things and go places, kps bf here is an alcoholic that likes to play video games and sports (KP hates sports)

    Pros of going to WI: it's new, and I love new places
    We could pay off our debt
    I could look for a job out of a kitchen (it's hard to have kids and work in a kitchen)
    KP can go back to school and we could afford to pay for portions of it
    We would see his parents, everyday
    KP can find a job he likes
    There are tons of things to do in the nice months of the year and we'd have people to do them with
    We would have family close by when we have kids, and his parents could actually see their grandkids

    Cons: Kps biggest one, it's cold
    What if we hate it
    Wed be loosing our space (except they have offered the basement to become our living room)
    What if it's a mistake, kps words
    What if he goes back to school we get more debt and he hates his job, then he's a quitter... again his words.
    Are we going to be able to find jobs

    I know that its a lot to take in but I thought putting it all out there might help me sort through it. I'd love your opinions and I think my honest worry is telling my family I'm leaving again, and a bit of guilt that I just got a cook 1 spot only to tell them bye. I'm not worried about a job I can find one, I have a knack for it. But he's making himself sick over this and it all started out as a joke, and I don't want this to be hard for him. I woke up this morning with the intent of telling him were staying here but I really don't know if that's the right decision.
    "If you want to know what a man is like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." -- Sirius Black

    "Time is an illusion, lunch time doubly so."-- Ford Prefect
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    #2
    Re: Decisions decisions, and making the right choice.

    Start by showing him this post ...
    I won't be wronged. I won't be insulted. I won't be laid a-hand on. I don't do these things to other people, and I require the same from them ... John Bernard Books


    Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official; "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

    The Chief nodded in agreement.

    The official continued; "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

    The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied.. "When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine Man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex."

    Then the chief leaned back and smiled; "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."
    ​



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      #3
      Re: Decisions decisions, and making the right choice.

      Risk is always in place. It is also in proportion to the rewards. The worst that could happen is you would have the same problems that you have now just in a different place.
      Check out what the difference is in the cost of living, taxes and the price of owning a home. Check out the difference in pay scales for work and the cost of education. Then start making contacts for work. Get a good paying job before you move and it will be less stressful. Save now for the move, if possible.

      If you can't pay off your debt where you are it is likely that you won't be able to pay it off anywhere else.
      The Dragon sees infinity and those it touches are forced to feel the reality of it.
      I am his student and his partner. He is my guide and an ominous friend.

      Comment

        #4
        Re: Decisions decisions, and making the right choice.

        First, I live in iowa. Wisconsin is my neighbor. I generally hear good things about the state in general. The cold is my worst enemy. I hate it. But it's bearable. And there are fun things you can only do in snow (skiing you pervs! ) Depending where you're talking in Wisconsin it could be even holder than here (yuck). But is really not that big a deal.

        I take it you wouldn't be paying rent? Cause that could definitely help you get on your feet and you could decide where to go from there. Is there any reason KP has to start school in the spring? Cause if he focused on work for 6 mo or a year you might even be able to save a little for school/kids/etc.
        We are what we are. Nothing more, nothing less. There is good and evil among every kind of people. It's the evil among us who rule now. -Anne Bishop, Daughter of the Blood

        I wondered if he could ever understand that it was a blessing, not a sin, to be graced with more than one love.
        It could be complicated; of course it could be complicated. And it opened one up to the possibility of more pain and loss.
        Still, it was a blessing I would never relinquish. Love, genuine love, was always a cause for joy.
        -Jacqueline Carey, Naamah's Curse

        Service to your fellows is the root of peace.

        Comment

          #5
          Re: Decisions decisions, and making the right choice.

          Pros of staying in Texas: I wouldn't hurt my family's feeling by leaving, even if I don't see them now.
          KP could start school in spring
          We would have our own place, but we wouldn't cause we have roommates
          I just got a promotion
          Could KP start school elsewhere? Or is it *only* that school he's set on? Is the comparative to something you could find up north? Chances are, promotions will happen at many jobs. Is it a significant financial raise?

          Cons: we aren't paying off the debt we aquired to move to Texas in fact it's building
          KP hates his job with a passion
          In all honesty we have no one but each other that we share comm on hobbies and interests. We're nerds and like to do nerds things and go places, kps bf here is an alcoholic that likes to play video games and sports (KP hates sports)
          Would that promotion help work towards your debt? Could KP get a new job while staying in Tx?

          Pros of going to WI: it's new, and I love new places
          We could pay off our debt
          I could look for a job out of a kitchen (it's hard to have kids and work in a kitchen)
          KP can go back to school and we could afford to pay for portions of it
          We would see his parents, everyday
          KP can find a job he likes
          There are tons of things to do in the nice months of the year and we'd have people to do them with
          We would have family close by when we have kids, and his parents could actually see their grandkids
          Are you completely sure the move would help pay your debt? There are no jobs in Tx KP would like?

          Cons: Kps biggest one, it's cold
          What if we hate it
          Wed be loosing our space (except they have offered the basement to become our living room)
          What if it's a mistake, kps words
          What if he goes back to school we get more debt and he hates his job, then he's a quitter... again his words.
          Are we going to be able to find jobs
          It can be cold up north , but there's also a lot better clothing to combat the cold. You may downsize space, but that might not be a con.

          It looks like a lot of these cons are "what ifs" instead of anything factual....

          To me, what it looks like is that the pro/con of staying is basically accepting the life you know (the devil you know, so to speak), and that the pros for moving are a lot more (and the fact is that "KP goes back to school" shows up in both pro list) and the majority of the cons are you playing "what if" instead of having actual negatives.

          While what ifs are very important to think about, it's important to remember that if you hate it, or if it's a mistake, you can at least pay off your debt and then change it, whereas it's very hard to get out from under debt while still having bills to pay and going back to school. If you end up not liking it, then just remember you can change it again.

          Do you feel stagnate in Tx? Do you think you could really thrive if you just got a chance?

          Good luck, whatever your decision is.
          Last edited by faye_cat; 05 Oct 2015, 17:11.
          ~Rudyard Kipling, The Cat Who Walks By Himself

          Comment

            #6
            Re: Decisions decisions, and making the right choice.

            We would be moving into his parents house and paying a set rent. They don't need us to help with bills or anything but the rent is for extra costs like electric bill and grocery's, and cause I have to much pride to "freeload". And to be completely honest his Dad misses him, alot. He wants KP closer.
            We paid off our debt while in Charlotte and gained even more to move back to Texas. He hated it here before which is why we left but we came back for a different position which he never received and the guy he came back to work with left the company 2 weeks ago. As for the stagnant I'm not quite there yet because instead of working pastry I'm now on the line, so I am doing new stuff kind of.

            The good part of moving in with his parents is he can find a job not in a kitchen which pays a little less because our rent will be set. He has never worked in any other field. He has only ever been a cook. 11 years of nothing but cooking. For him to find another job in Texas not in a kitchen he would go to the very bottom of the totem pole and even with my promotion we couldn't afford for him to drop under what I used to make. For school he wants as little debt as possible so he has no problem waiting to one save money and two lower the cost because hell be a resident.

            In all honesty my only negative is being 16 hours from my family but I'm 2 hours away now and in the 11 months I have been back have seen them 5 times. Its more guilt then anything that I'm not the "homebody" like they all are. I love new places and new challenges, and I WANT to be out of debt more then anything. I think he is leaning very much to going to Wisconsin. I'll know soon, and that means I"m going to start job hunting. I'd rather be safe then sorry.
            "If you want to know what a man is like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." -- Sirius Black

            "Time is an illusion, lunch time doubly so."-- Ford Prefect

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              #7
              Re: Decisions decisions, and making the right choice.

              Hubby is from Wisconsin. He loves the land, but hates the state. And isn't too keen on his family. So, we go back every other year or so...which is fine with me because I hate the cold.

              Here's the thing...WI is a decent sized state. In some places jobs are impossible to find. You should be find in, say, Madison...but go to somewhere like where the hubby is from and you are SOL.
              Wonderful Life: The Burgess Shale and the Nature of HistoryPagan Devotionals, because the wind and the rain is our Bible
              sigpic

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                #8
                Re: Decisions decisions, and making the right choice.

                Oshkosh, WI 30 mins from Green Bay 2 hours from Milwaukee, and 3 hours from Chicago. We have decided were going... So in two months we will be in a new state, and new climate. I have already started sending out my resume. Here goes nothing.
                "If you want to know what a man is like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." -- Sirius Black

                "Time is an illusion, lunch time doubly so."-- Ford Prefect

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                  #9
                  Re: Decisions decisions, and making the right choice.

                  I have family living in Oshkosh, actually! I wish you all the best in this transition!
                  ~Rudyard Kipling, The Cat Who Walks By Himself

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                    #10
                    Re: Decisions decisions, and making the right choice.

                    Thank you so much
                    "If you want to know what a man is like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." -- Sirius Black

                    "Time is an illusion, lunch time doubly so."-- Ford Prefect

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Re: Decisions decisions, and making the right choice.

                      I think you've already made a choice, but for what it's worth I encourage you to do what is best for your finances. Debt is a heavy burden you don't want... Especially if you're thinking of children as your income will decrease.

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                        #12
                        Re: Decisions decisions, and making the right choice.

                        Originally posted by kalynraye View Post

                        We would see his parents, everyday
                        This was on your "Pro" side, which quite frankly shocked me. Every situation's different, but I'd give the potential living situation a very, very long hard look.
                        sigpic
                        Can you hear me, Major Tom? I think I love you.

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                          #13
                          Re: Decisions decisions, and making the right choice.

                          Originally posted by Hawkfeathers View Post
                          This was on your "Pro" side, which quite frankly shocked me. Every situation's different, but I'd give the potential living situation a very, very long hard look.
                          Wise words. I lived with my parents-in-law for nearly two years. It was fine because we stayed out of each other's way. However, I think it's easy for eoe to revert to child-parent roles. I'd put a time limit on it.

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                            #14
                            Re: Decisions decisions, and making the right choice.

                            This is not an indefinite living arrangement. They have also never had the normal father/son parent role because his parents divorced at a very young age and KP only saw his Dad on long holidays like summer vacation and christmas. There relationship is that of friends, his step-mom married his dad 3 years ago. They were all 3 roommates for a number of years before R&T started dating. I actually really like my in laws. We have very similar interests and have always had wonderful times together. I know living together can put a strain on even the most perfect relationship.
                            "If you want to know what a man is like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." -- Sirius Black

                            "Time is an illusion, lunch time doubly so."-- Ford Prefect

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