Ok this is the first time ever doing something like this and not sure where to start so I thought maybe with a bit about me would be a good ides, so here goes!

I was born in 1982 (you can work out the age(old cow)) and my life had been full of challenges. I nearly died of double pneumonia at just months old, not happy with the regular pneumonia, I had to have double! If I had been left for another 24 hours I would not be writing this.

At the age of about 6 I had the right side of my face set on fire. My dad was supposed to be looking after me and when I ran in on fire he was passed out drunk on the sofa so I had to try and sort myself out and called my mum. As you can imagine, that caused my mum to end a 10 year abusive relationship. When he went out on yet another binge she changed all the locks and threw his stuff in to the front yard where everyone could see.

Then he started to see me at the weekends but one time he did not take me back to my mum. I was locked in his girlfriends bathroom every time the door knocked and she used to make me do all the houshold stuff, I was 7. She was an alcoholic too and hated me. My mum hired a private investigator and got me back, although it took them 2 weeks to find me.

I kept on seeing him and he continued drinking.He would take me around all the pubs with her and on several occasions he forgot i was with him. His brother and him had a fallout over his girlfriend (she was sleeping with both) and my uncle knocked my dad out in front of me in the street. When we got back home SHE blamed me for it and started to shout at me, then hit me around the face, something inside snapped and I punched her and knocked her out cold then packed my stuff and walked 24 miles back home. I was 10.

At 11 he came to get me from school DRUNK so i told him it was the drink or me....he chose drink and I have not heard from him since.

After that I was bullied for anything and everything.The main thing was because I rode horses but I just ignored it and carried on.

I was molested as a child and gang raped as a teenager and I saw too much and grew up too fast but that is all I will say about that.

We moved around alot when I was a teenager so never really had friends, which was fine because I did not want to have to open up so much. I did medieval re enactments with a family friend who did jousting displays using shire horses. I had 2 roles, a lady riding side saddle or if I was in a bad mood they would make me be a serving wench ( I preferred that but never told them that) I also worked doing horse drawn weddings and funerals and the odd film. Then I tried to qualify as a riding instructor but had a bad fall and damaged my back and could not ride to the level they required to pass me.

Then I had my 2 eldest kids with my ex. I suffered 8 years of domestic abuse at his hands.He is an alcoholic funny how the past repeats itself. I was so afraid and down that I did not have the inner strength to get out, until he attempted to drag me out of the house by my hair in front of my screaming children. The list of things he did to me was; he headbutted me and broke my nose (in front of police),Punched me in the back of my head while I was feeding our eldest son at 24 hours old, choked me, spat in my face, broke my foot, called me all the names under the sun and then some, death threats, got other girls to try to beat me up while my kids were with me, he controlled the money and there were times that I had to go and beg the shop keeper for nappies and baby wipes....the list goes on and on and on.

On that final time, I spoke to the police and they gave me a number to call, I called it and I got my kids and some clothes and went in to a women's refuge. I spent 11 months in there with 2 kids in 1 room with 12 other women and their kids. It made my son sick mentally (he would sit in the corner with his hands over his ears and rock, headbutt the floor) and my daughter became mute. I blame him for all of it.

I met my fiance on the internet. We started off just being friends because I trusted no one but we got on so well and we had good conversations. He came over to the UK to meet me and we have been together ever since. He is my everything, my soul mate and the total opposite to my ex.He hates my ex with a vengeance!

When we decided for me to move to Finland my ex tried to stop it but failed. We went to court and he made himself look like the idiot he is and he thought he could lie in court by stating he no longer drank but the hair strand test came back as a chronic alcoholic, the highest they had seen in a long time.He also wished mine and my fiances first baby who I was pregnant with at the time of court to either die or be born with downes syndrome in front of my 2 other children! This sent my fiance over the edge and he swore if he ever came face to face with him again he would beat him to an inch of his life.(We had a healthy 10lbs 2oz boy) So 12 months ago we moved to here and we are now starting to find our feet and feel calm. My children are doing well, my son can already converse in Swedish ( we are on the west coast and they speak Swedish here, not Finnish, nothing like confusion)

I am sorry this went on for longer than I expected, it's been a bit like therapy for me. I feel much lighter now thanks for reading! xxx