Coming out of the Broom Closet

[LKN]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I'm still working on this one... I have been slowly but surely coming out to my live-in boyfriend.

He's been surprisingly supportive and understanding!

I think that I just don't give people enough credit; as if I'm the only one in my life who has an open mind, or something!

I'm still not sure when/if I will ever come out to my parents. Dad probably wouldn't care (we're not close) but Mom...? She would flip out. I tried to bring it up gently once awhile ago ("Would you be okay if I told you that I was Pagan?") and she straight-up told me that she would rather not know. So I think that I will respect her wishes for now, and remain "agnostic" to her.

I'm solitary anyway, so it really doesn't affect my loved ones.

I do plan to tell my brother soon.

[Lady Lotus]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

Sorry, Dufonce, but that's not accurate. Lady Lotus is another former member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, like myself.

Mormons believe that after this life there are three "tiers" of heaven, as well as a place that people go who have denied the truth of the gospel (hell/Outer Darkness). Only those who have gone through baptism, temple endowment, and temple sealing (a marriage ceremony) are eligible for the highest level of heaven, being allowed to both stay in contact with their families in the next life, and become like god.

Because of this, for a Mormon parent or grandparent, nothing is sadder then "losing" a child by having them choose another path...it is not considered to be a temporary choice, but a permanent, eternal one, and therefore often leads to attempts at "tough love" or shunning the offender out of the family.

Yes, sadly this is the case. My family hasnt outright rejected me but they have taken on the "if we dont say anything maybe she'll give up her hellbound ways and come back to where she belongs. This is just a phase" type of attitude.

Its definately not a phase and I have no desire to live in their version of the hereafter. Took me 2 yrs after leaving the church to not feel guilt and fear everyday...not going back to that!

[Dez]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

Yes, sadly this is the case. My family hasnt outright rejected me but they have taken on the "if we dont say anything maybe she'll give up her hellbound ways and come back to where she belongs. This is just a phase" type of attitude.

Its definately not a phase and I have no desire to live in their version of the hereafter. Took me 2 yrs after leaving the church to not feel guilt and fear everyday...not going back to that!

I hear that. I'm no longer on speaking terms with my own family because of choices I made, but to the in-law's? I'm out. That's more then enough information, and still a source of drama.

[LiadanWillows]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

Well a couple of weeks ago my grandmother outed me in front of the entire family. When I say entire family I mean it. Not just my parents (who already know)... but my brother, his girlfriend, their parents, my boyfriends parents, my 3 uncles, 2 aunts, and 5 cousins, and a few other random relatives and friends. To top it all off it was my cousins wedding reception. This is what happened:

The best man and maid of honor both made speeches before dinner (I was also in the bridal party). After their speeches the groom led a prayer before the meal. In the middle of his beautiful prayer my grandmother yells out "Autum why the hell are you pretending to pray, you are a witch." She continues to rant and rave until my grandfather and uncle kindly escort her out of the room. Of course everyone is staring at me though the groom continued his prayer as if nothing happened. I was rather grateful.

Ugh... I hate my grandma. Btw this is the same grandma that gave me a bible for Christmas to "save my soul".

[ladywhitewolf]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

My parents and my boyfriend know that I am a Pagan. They are open minded and have no problem with it. I am sort of in and out the broom closet.

[MaskedOne]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

Hiding my faith in a closet is impossible. I share closet space with too many people, I keep it in a storage locker, a couple miles from home. Being serious, my family knows that I read up on a crapload of things. They also know that my approach to religion is occasionally eccentric. They also choose largely not to ask further in most cases and I don't make a point of elaborating. Pretty much comes out to, no one is insane enough to believe that they can stop me from studying anything of interest and I'm not impractical enough to actually nail down my beliefs for the family at large.

[Shelby_Rexrode]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I need to tell my parents soon... I am 19, and have been Pagan since I was 14. I was raised non-denominational Christian, and they are not going to take the news very well. I have waited this long to tell them out of fear of judgement and disappointment, but I can't wait forever, and I just want to be myself. Now that I am an adult, I want them to respect my decision. Any advice on how to make this easier?

[thalassa]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I recommend easing them into it...it takes more time, but is ultimately easier in terms of not freaking them out and (assuming that you want your relationship with them to be as minimally affected as possible) letting you figure out better where their actual comfort zone ends. TBH, my inlaws think we are Unitarian Universalist (we are, and we do attend a UU congregation), but we are also Pagan. My mother on the other hand knows that we are Pagan, and to her that just means we believe in divinity differently than she does and without Jesus as a part of our worship, and that we have slightly different holidays.

It took me several years until I was totally "out" with my parents--first I "wasn't sure I agreed with our church" having reflected upon X, Y and Z (though I had the luck of being raised in a super liberal Christian denomination to begin with where questioning was encouraged), then I was "looking at other religious options", then I had "decided that God is larger than Christianity" (all of these things being technically true, even though my position was settled), etc...and then eventually they somehow knew I was Pagan without there being a big OMG discussion about it.

Its also been my experience and observation that a lot of it depends on how you explain it, what words you use, etc (for example, if I say I use a ritual, prayer, meditation and such to accomplish my goals in both a spiritual and physical sense, it comes out better than saying I use spells and practice witchcraft). While this blog is more geared towards public announcements, there is some very helpful advice on how to frame your position. Another think to think about is practicing--find a friend to practice on. Tell them what you want to tell your parents, heck...make a list and figure out how to word different things, or where potential pitfalls might occur.

[babyfyrefly]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

Coming out of the broom closet was never really hard for me, but it did result in a lot of varying reactions. When I was twelve, I informed my parents that I knew absolutely that I was not Christian, and that I felt Wicca was a religion that was most in tune with beliefs I already held (strongly). My stepfather was outraged, but thought it was 'just a phase', so let me be. My mom knew I was serious and sincere, but subtly expressed her dissatisfaction. I have always been forthcoming about my beliefs, but I have learned over the years to be cautious, too. Especially, since I am in the Bible Belt (Georgia). I attended a Mormon church with a friend when I was 15 and 16, but everyone there knew I was pagan. They were surprisingly accepting of me.

The worst experience I ever had with my personal views being revealed came when I came out about being molested by my stepfather and that he was the father of my daughter. When the social worker came to investigate, he showed her all of my books on Wicca, many of which of course said 'witchcraft' on the cover, she came to me and said she was closing the case (and actually told me it was because he showed her this and she no longer believed me!) But I had a chance to show her how her prejudice almost et him get away when I showed her his conviction a year later!

Anyway, the best experience I've ever had with coming out of the broom closet was while I was pressing charges against my stepfather (kinda ironic it happened within the same year...the best and the worst). I met a guy who was a friend of my brother. He was well aware of the situation I was in and started hanging out with me. We talked about beliefs, and he was thrilled that I was pagan because he was too. That was the only time someone was absolutely thrilled when I told them I was pagan! And we've been married for 8 years now. (Not to mention he helped me survive one of the most stressful years of my life!)

For those who want to know the best way to come out of the closet: be honest, open, patient, and considerate. The person you tell may not be able to absorb and process, at first, what you tell them. Sometimes, they cannot come to grips with it. Some will not understand, but will accept it as reality. Others may be more inquisitive and want you to share your ideas. Some may attack your beliefs. Whatever the reaction, always try to remember that everyone has different perspectives and that everyone has a right to their own opinion.

---------- Post added at 04:28 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:49 PM ----------

I agree very much that terminology affects how people receive you! I suppose I'm so used to replacing terms with socially acceptable words that I wouldn't have thought of giving this bit of advice. I'll certainly keep it in mind in the future, thanks!

[magusphredde]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I know of a few that waited until they were out on their own before informing the family members, especially parents ... That way there is no "You are under my roof so you do as I say" confrontations ...

[Raphaeline]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I know of a few that waited until they were out on their own before informing the family members, especially parents ... That way there is no "You are under my roof so you do as I say" confrontations ...

That caused a lot of friction at my house when I was a teenager - I told my mother I was a Wiccan when I was thirteen. She fought with me about it at first, but over time realized it wasn't a phase. Now, though I respect her feelings by not bringing it up, we can discuss it when we need to (like when I was getting married and she and my grandmother asked me how Pagan it would be). I don't know what it would have been like if I'd waited - she got used to the idea over several years and now everyone seems to have accepted it as far as I can tell.

[Bjorn]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I have mixed feelings about this one. I know I've posted on here before, but I've got some new thoughts and figured I would share.

Firstly, I agree with

I know of a few that waited until they were out on their own before informing the family members, especially parents ... That way there is no "You are under my roof so you do as I say" confrontations ...

more than I can possibly say. Some parents will simply not accept this. I know for a fact that my beliefs scare my dad because he believes with all his heart that I am going to Hell. He doesn't talk to me about it, but he hates it. I can FEEL his discomfort with my altars and my sacred items. My mom isn't so bad, but living with them again while I go to school has put a serious damper on my spirituality because I can't express it as freely.

That said, I came out of the closet. Told them I wasn't a Christian back when I was searching for something that would let my spirit sing. It became obvious to me that no matter what I told them, none of them would be happy for me, understand, or be comfortable talking about anything other than the Christian path that I had so terribly deviated from. So there was no need to inform them of any spiritual landmarks along the way to find my path - what would be the point?

So sure, I could have shoved it in all of their faces and could STILL do that. Instead, I simply do not partake in their religious lifestyle, and they do not partake in mine. I have my altars up and use them as needed, and am not hiding what I am... I am simply not sharing. There is nothing to gain but headache and heartache from trying to make them understand. I am a solitary anyway, and if my biological family is not interested in becoming a part of my SPIRITUAL family, then that's all right with me.

[His Three Calls to Cormac]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I only really came out of the broom closet formally to my mum. My family is not very religious and she was aware that Paganism is not Satanism so it wasn't really an issue, she just asked me not to preform ceremonies in my room, a request I have respected. My friends had all known for a while that I was interested in Paganism and it wasn't a shock when I formally told them. The only one that could have gone better was my dad, he heard me talking about it in my room as he walked past and mentioned it the next time he saw me. He occasionally makes jokes but nothing serious, he's just like that.

My opinions on the subject are mostly if you don't think the reaction will be bad, just come out with it, there's no point in keeping it hidden for no reason and it will make any later conversations about Pagan subjects considerably easier. If it is likely that you will get a serious reaction, I think waiting until you leave home is probably the better option, possibly dropping subtle little hints to lessen the blow when you finally do emerge from the broom closet. Lets be honest, there's no point in causing undue negative feelings, especially if you all have to live together.

Those are just my feelings though,
BB
...
/|\

[ThatKrazy]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I've identified as pagan for about 4 years now. I still haven't told my family that I no longer consider myself Christian. I decided that I didn't want to cause a fight, and that if they ever asked me, I would answer truthfully. They know I don't go to church. They know I am fascinated by alternative faiths, and my mom even went to Voodoo shops with me when we went to New Orleans in the fall. My parents are comfortable with it. The rest of my family is a little less comfortable with it. My most conservative aunt is really making me want to come out because she keeps pushing the issues.

I've been posting on facebook a lot lately about birth control. Twice now, she's posted things like "You're Protestant. So am I. But it's okay Catholics are here too." Totally weird. I'm actually more comfortable with Catholics than Protestants in a lot of ways (except that they deny me birth control). I just want to post "I'M NOT PROTESTANT! I'M NOT CHRISTIAN, YOU FOOL!" But I know that *that's* the wrong way to come out. For now I'm just ignoring her. I don't know how much longer I'll keep it up though.

[Dufonce]

Re: Coming out of the Broom Closet

I've identified as pagan for about 4 years now. I still haven't told my family that I no longer consider myself Christian. I decided that I didn't want to cause a fight, and that if they ever asked me, I would answer truthfully. They know I don't go to church. They know I am fascinated by alternative faiths, and my mom even went to Voodoo shops with me when we went to New Orleans in the fall. My parents are comfortable with it. The rest of my family is a little less comfortable with it. My most conservative aunt is really making me want to come out because she keeps pushing the issues.

I've been posting on facebook a lot lately about birth control. Twice now, she's posted things like "You're Protestant. So am I. But it's okay Catholics are here too." Totally weird. I'm actually more comfortable with Catholics than Protestants in a lot of ways (except that they deny me birth control). I just want to post "I'M NOT PROTESTANT! I'M NOT CHRISTIAN, YOU FOOL!" But I know that *that's* the wrong way to come out. For now I'm just ignoring her. I don't know how much longer I'll keep it up though.

dont make it a big deal and hopefully they wont either... I havent told my family, because it doesnt come up. I did however change the religion on my facebook to pagan. its there if they look.