Your partner's response to your path?

[Ophidia]

Re: Your partner's response to your path?

My husband wavers between atheist & agnostic Pagan, depending on his emotional state. He's always been that way, and usually just goes along w/whatever I'm doing at the moment.

[Maythe]

Re: Your partner's response to your path?

Went I first met MrK I was agnostic, went through eclectic Pagan with him and now I've settled on Heathenry. He's really pleased for me because I'm happier and it 'fits' me. He's agnostic veering towards a polytheistic paganism. I have confidence issues and when I'm low my confidence in my beliefs tends to waver too (as I don't trust my own thoughts and experiences at those times) and he's really helpful then as he always has something useful to say, and because he is (strangely, given his agnostic approach) confident in his own experiences.

[Anu]

Re: Your partner's response to your path?

Well, I'm single. But being a dating pagan is awkward sometimes, so I figured why the heck not, I'll answer.

[quote author=OpenHands link=topic=1324.msg26295#msg26295 date=1293925580]
Were you *insert path* before you met them or did you convert after the relationship started?[/quote]
When I met my first long-term boyfriend, in high school, I was a practicing heathen. He was a staunch atheist, but had a "Wiccan" phase his Freshman year, so he didn't judge. He liked me to tell him the myths. We used to sit up late into the night and I would tell him the Eddas. The boyfriend who just broke up with my thought he was a vampire. He never really mentioned my heathenism beyond "I have a friend who has the same religion listed in their Facebook profile." While I was with him I slowly lost my faith.

Now, obviously, I'm pagan before whatever relationship I start. I've been on dates with a few atheists, a fluffy pagan, and some Christians. I hate bringing it up to all of them, especially the pagan.

Is your partner also *insert path* or something else?

Always been something else. Always seems like it will be something else. There are no nice pagan boys around here. :P My biggest fear is atheists, though. Every time someone I'm dating mentions they love from staunchly anti-religion book, I shut up and don't mention I believe in anything. Even Christians seem to go with it--at least I believe in SOMETHING.

Do/did you experience any difficulties over your choice? Are they supportive? Are you happy with the current dynamics or do you wish their response was different?

It actually did eventually cause problems with the first long-term boyfriend. Eventually I got annoyed with his "I don't believe in ANYTHING", and he got annoyed with the fact I got annoyed that he shove his atheism at me. My last boyfriend, like I said, didn't mention a damn thing. I wish he had. We had a brief talk about beliefs after we broke up, when I had completely lost mine. I would say it was nice, but... I have a hard time reconciling anything he said with the truth anymore.

I really wish it wasn't such a big deal among people my age about being pagan. So many people assume "fluffy" or "college rebellion" or think they're, you know, True Blood vampires (not to knock my last boyfriend, I still love that jerk despite what he put me through when he broke up with me). Alternatively, because I am artsy and a college drop-out, it's some hipster trendy thing I'm doing. People seemed to understand my heathenism a lot better than what I'm doing now. Hell, people seem more accepting of the fact I dropped out of college than the fact I'm a pagan.

If it was possible, I think I'd become a pagan nun at this point.

[OpenHands]

Re: Your partner's response to your path?

Raphaeline-

He is totally supportive of me, and I think he identifies as Pagan when asked simply because he's ... philosophically Pagan. Just not a practicing one. Or something. We don't talk much about it. I don't think he knows how he feels about it himself.

I think it's great that even though your SO may not be really sure where he stands, he's still supportive of what you're doing.

Yukanaoe-

i'm so glad dufonce took his time in introducing me to this path.. that he didnt give up on me cause i'm sure i was very stubborn. i can see now that my beliefs always were pagan... i just had to get over the fear of what i was taught all my life.

*nods* Some old beliefs can be hard to shake. Sounds like you found somebody pretty special though to patiently help you through such a difficult transition period.

FantasyWitch-

I would like him to know more about paganism, but he isn't bothered so I'm not going to push him. Besides he gives me space to study and look at new stuff without interference. That's a great gift.

Being given space is a great gift, absolutely. Many of your comments echo my own experiences with my husband. It can be hard when you want to share something important in your life and the other person just isn't that interested, but at least you feel supported.

[OpenHands]

Re: Your partner's response to your path?

Perzephone-

My husband wavers between atheist & agnostic Pagan, depending on his emotional state. He's always been that way, and usually just goes along w/whatever I'm doing at the moment.

Hey, flexible can be a very good thing in a relationship! Sounds like it works well for you guys.

Maythe-

Went I first met MrK I was agnostic, went through eclectic Pagan with him and now I've settled on Heathenry. He's really pleased for me because I'm happier and it 'fits' me.

The fact that your SO was so good about your religious choices says a lot about him, IMO. Not everyone who chooses a pagan/heathen path gets such a positive reception from their partner.

Anu-

If it was possible, I think I'd become a pagan nun at this point.

;D I understand that desire at times to cloister oneself away. I'm sorry things haven't worked out for you yet, but I hope you are able to find a longterm somebody who will honor and support who you are and how you choose to live your life.

[Yazichestvo]

Re: Your partner's response to your path?

My current girlfriend knows very little. Since she's an atheist, I just don't bring it up much around her. I have an atheist family, so it's not hard. The last girl I was with was very open and accepting of all religions. The truth is, it's a lot easier to find an accepting universalist than another pagan. Considering that any given pagan girl out there would probably be some flavor of Wiccan, a universalist has about as much in common with me.

[MistressVarda]

Re: Your partner's response to your path?

[quote author=OpenHands link=topic=1324.msg26295#msg26295 date=1293925580]
Were you *insert path* before you met them or did you convert after the relationship started?[/quote]

I'm single now, but I was pagan when I started dating my ex gf.

[quote author=OpenHands link=topic=1324.msg26295#msg26295 date=1293925580]
Is your partner also *insert path* or something else? [/quote]
She was a very devout Christian, but most of the time she seemed ok with my beliefs. But there were times when she would brush them off as only fairy tales.

[quote author=OpenHands link=topic=1324.msg26295#msg26295 date=1293925580]
Do/did you experience any difficulties over your choice? Are they supportive? Are you happy with the current dynamics or do you wish their response was different? [/quote]
Its my life, my choice and that didn't fly with her. Our religions being different was one of the reason we broke up. I felt like she was always humoring me when we'd discuss beliefs, like she accepted that I wasn't Christian, but I was still wrong in my beliefs.

[OpenHands]

Re: Your partner's response to your path?

Yazichestvo-

The truth is, it's a lot easier to find an accepting universalist than another pagan. Considering that any given pagan girl out there would probably be some flavor of Wiccan, a universalist has about as much in common with me.

Looking for a compatible partner who specifically identifies as pagan can be a challenge. And you have a good point- just because they're pagan doesn't mean even religiously you'll have much in common.


Mistress Varda-

Its my life, my choice and that didn't fly with her. Our religions being different was one of the reason we broke up. I felt like she was always humoring me when we'd discuss beliefs, like she accepted that I wasn't Christian, but I was still wrong in my beliefs.

I'm sorry things ended partially because of the religious issues, that's a shame. I can't blame you for not feeling respected in a situation like that.

[KashakuTatsu]

Re: Your partner's response to your path?

Were you *insert path* before you met them or did you convert after the relationship started?
I was always pagan and last committed relationship I had was with someone who was also pagan. I switched to his path when I was with him, it felt right to do. I didn't quite feel at home with the one I was in and his path felt very natural. I've stuck with it since he left and don't regret the choice.

Is your partner also *insert path* or something else?
The last one yes, but I'm in a budding relationship with a close friend who goes between athiest and agnostic.

Do/did you experience any difficulties over your choice? Are they supportive? Are you happy with the current dynamics or do you wish their response was different?
The only difficulty I really have with the choice after my ex left was the severe lack of others who share the path. It's hard to be alone on the holidays. It's a bit odd to have to attend ecclectic holiday rites to be with others during holidays, but at the same time I've met some awesome people.

When I visited with my new interest he allowed me to do my daily rituals without hesitation. He doesn't participate in spiritual matters so he just let me do my thing. Although I did get some teasing when I was collecting parts of plants and animals with a "it's just a tree" comment, but he didn't stop me. Sometimes he'd point out something I would be interested in, then laugh at me for running to get it lol. He may not be spiritual and probably never will be, but in his own way he supports my choices. Part of me wishes I could share rituals or even a holiday celebration with him, but at the same time I love that he doesn't want to change me so I'm not going to try to change him.

[Anu]

Re: Your partner's response to your path?

[quote author=OpenHands link=topic=1324.msg26717#msg26717 date=1294116966]
Anu- ;D I understand that desire at times to cloister oneself away. I'm sorry things haven't worked out for you yet, but I hope you are able to find a longterm somebody who will honor and support who you are and how you choose to live your life.
[/quote]

Thank you! I think my bitter feelings are because I am the queen of tragic break-ups.

I actually met someone who I like quite a bit since I posted this... the only problem is he thrives off mocking the religious. I can't even begin to consider his response when I'm like "hey, I'm pagan!" Granted, Christianity seems to be his main target, with it's "magical sky daddy" (his words). I'm not sure what he'd think of paganism. I'm not fully sure I believe in any gods/goddess, so that might help, but I can't fathom his reaction if I end up believing in multiple "magical sky parents".

[LiadanWillows]

Re: Your partner's response to your path?

[quote author=OpenHands link=topic=1324.msg26295#msg26295 date=1293925580]
For those who have (or who have had) a significant other in their life, I'm curious about how they have responded to your choice of spirituality.[/quote]

Were you *insert path* before you met them or did you convert after the relationship started?

I am an eclectic Pagan studying Wiccan. I dabbled in Wicca before I met my boyfriend and thought that Wiccan/Pagan were interchangeable words, yup I was a fluffy bunny AKA Party Pagan :P After I got over that "party pagan" phase I went through an "I have NO idea" phase which is where I was when our relationship started.

Is your partner also *insert path* or something else?

He is at the stage in his life where he is trying to figure it out, but not actively. He kind of feels like he doesn't need spirituality in his daily life to be happy, but wants to figure it out someday.

Do/did you experience any difficulties over your choice?

Nope. We kind of grew together in our relationship.

Are they supportive?

At first he would tease me and joke about "sacrificing small animals" and BS like that. But when we actually sat down and talked about how I see/feel about religion he was very supportive and respectful. He even said in some aspects he agrees with my thoughts!

Are you happy with the current dynamics or do you wish their response was different?

I would like for him to have some kind of spiritual outlet but if that's not what he feels he needs right now that is fine with me.

[Medusa]

Re: Your partner's response to your path?

*waiting for Dumuzi to reply

[volcaniclastic]

Re: Your partner's response to your path?

Were you *insert path* before you met them or did you convert after the relationship started?
I've been some form of pagan since I was about 14. Though, to be honest - I think right now is the least pagan I've ever been.

Is your partner also *insert path* or something else?
I don't even know what he is. I think he's agnostic of some kind, but his brain is too scientific to really allow for magic or other junk.

Do/did you experience any difficulties over your choice?
Not really - I don't care enough about my path for it to cause any arguments.

Are they supportive?
Yeah.

Are you happy with the current dynamics or do you wish their response was different?
I felt pretty bad for the woman behind the counter when we went into a rock shop last time he was in town, and he very loudly exclaimed "What kind of RUBBISH is this? I believe in SCIENCE" ...otherwise, I'm fairly content.

[Caelia]

Re: Your partner's response to your path?

[quote author=OpenHands link=topic=1324.msg26295#msg26295 date=1293925580]
For those who have (or who have had) a significant other in their life, I'm curious about how they have responded to your choice of spirituality.
[/quote]
My current partner is pretty cool with it. In the past others found it something a bit fashionable until they found it was a true belief for me. Then it made them uncomfortable.

Were you *insert path* before you met them or did you convert after the relationship started?

I was this way before my partner met me.

Is your partner also *insert path* or something else? Do/did you experience any difficulties over your choice? Are they supportive? Are you happy with the current dynamics or do you wish their response was different?

My current bf is pretty cool with my path, even though he's identified himself as eclectic(at least when he chooses to identify it). In fact, I met him on this very forum. He doesn't like the idea of me getting up at the crack of dawn for worship, but he understands and is supportive of me regardless.

Given my negative experiences with my religion and previous boyfriends I'm pretty happy with his take. It shows he has respect for me.

[OpenHands]

Re: Your partner's response to your path?

KashakuTatsu-

Part of me wishes I could share rituals or even a holiday celebration with him, but at the same time I love that he doesn't want to change me so I'm not going to try to change him.

Sounds like you have a supportive partner overall, which is great. Holidays alone can be hard though, I can understand that.

LiadanWillows-

He is at the stage in his life where he is trying to figure it out, but not actively. He kind of feels like he doesn't need spirituality in his daily life to be happy, but wants to figure it out someday.

Even if your SO isn't at the same place you are, spiritually speaking, the fact that he's got some kind of curiosity about the subject is a good sign. It's nice to hear about so many people on this board meshing well with their partners despite the differences.

Volcaniclastic-

I felt pretty bad for the woman behind the counter when we went into a rock shop last time he was in town, and he very loudly exclaimed "What kind of RUBBISH is this? I believe in SCIENCE" ...otherwise, I'm fairly content.

LOL A bit awkward, I can imagine.