Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

[nbdy]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

It gets to me after awhile. I spend about 40 hours a week with these people,

Oh, now I get it -- it's work. The social aspects of work can be daunting because we invariable end up having to cooperate with people we would not choose to be around very often if we had the choice. Unlike family or friends you can't just tell them to shut their pie-holes unless you are ready to move on to a different state of employment. I don't suppose my sympathy does much good.


More useless sympathy for you -- here, have an extra scoop of it. The military uniforms were comfortable and practical, also useful for pretending to be a tree or shrubbery. The uniform you describe sounds like it would do very well starting a fire ....

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Just a side note for nbdy: I haven't washed my face for 3 days in a row now. No real reason. I've remembered to brush my teeth so it's not as though I haven't been at the sink. I haven't worn makeup for about a week either. Sometimes I just don't see the point of grooming. I used to believe I'd find beauty in a bottle, but there really isn't a product in the world that could help me look and feel normal.

Think I had better go and give my face a scrub then...

I've been decades without makeup, but I get zits if I don't wash my face. And, yes, I guess I am vain enough to not want to face the world with a big, red headlight on my forehead. hehe

[Ophidia]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people." Eleanor Roosevelt
So, turning the question back at you -- why do you care what they are discussing? Is that any better than them caring what other people are wearing?

It gets to me after awhile. I spend about 40 hours a week with these people, and it's either ragging on celebs or each other - or when the morning crew of old ladies come in, it's the game of 'Oh, you think you've got it bad...'. I can't escape. Some nights I can get away with stuffing my headphones in my ears, but most nights people need to talk to me and I can't read lips. I can't move to a different office... I've tried changing the subject, but I'm no good at female small talk, so they throw me one or two sentences & go back to whoever they were talking about before I so rudely interrupted with anything other than clothes/shoes, etc. If I go to the restroom, I hear it from guests in there.

I've even tried asking them why they're so fascinated with appearances, and most look at me like I'm an alien - but they also can't come up w/any reason why it's such a favored topic, or why they care. It's amazing - these are all women of various ages, single and married, with kids - and they talk about this stuff more than their children (or dieting, which is supposed to be like, the #1 subject of discussion among women).

One memorable little snippet went something like this:

Coworker #1: "Oh my God, look at what (insert-celeb-name-here) wore to the Oscars. Why did she even bother to get dressed if she was going to wear that in public? Has she no sense?!"

Coworker #2: "You are so right. She looks hideous. Those shoes! That make-up! Ugh!"

Me, walking by & glancing down at magazine: "What's wrong with her outfit?" (genuinely puzzled)

Coworker #1: "She doesn't have the right shape for that dress. So-and-so is the only person who could possibly get away with it, and this celeb is not that celeb."

Me: "What if she liked the dress? Or thought it enhanced her appearance? Or made her feel pretty?"

Coworker #2: "Honey, just because you like something doesn't mean you can wear it out of the house!"

Me: /facepalm

I loved wearing a uniform. So easy and social expectations are effortlessly met every single day.

[volcaniclastic]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

I really, really want to tell you that I don't care about a person's appearance. But we all know that simply isn't true, even if I have the best of intentions. As an example, one of my very best friends is probably as close to a modern caveman as you'll ever find. He keeps his hair long and unkempt, has an unkempt beard, and wears nothing but very tattered t-shirts and faded carhart pants. He spends most of his year sleeping in his car (he DOES have a home, he's just not there often), he hunts for his food, and I've even seen him eat a squirrel. He's pretty poor, because he doesn't believe in working for a living. If I passed him on the street, I wouldn't have given him the time of day. He's messy and unkempt, and from appearances, isn't far off from looking a little homeless at times.

He is awesome. He is one of my very best friends, and just because he's lacking in personal hygiene doesn't faze me in the slightest. But that's because I got to know him. Just like I'm sure lots of other people out there that I would judge, are probably also very awesome people, with emotions and feelings, and fascinating life stories. So I try not to judge.

And I ask the same in return. For example: I don't pluck my eyebrows, or shave (yes, I don't shave), and you're more likely to find me in a boy's t-shirt and some ratty jeans than a dress, though I do clean up nicely. But yeah. Why judge?

People are just people.

[Tylluan Penry]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

If people cannot get past my appearance to the person I am, then they do not deserve to know me.

That said, the reason I sometimes wear make up is just because I have no intention of going out looking as bad as I feel....

[Hawkfeathers]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

While walking in my neighborhood recently, I noticed a house for sale. No one lives there anymore and the realtor isn't maintaining it well. Shrubs are overgrown, and it looks "weedy" and a little run down. That house could have a beautiful floor plan, nice appliances, great foundation, etc., but the fact is, fewer people will be interested because it lacks "curb appeal". Translated into human appearance, I'm not saying we all need to look like we are fit for a Vogue magazine cover shoot, but being the best you that you can be is a sign of confidence, self esteem, etc. I do NOT support the "Barbie" image notions one bit, and when I say "be the best you that you can be" I don't mean people should change to fit some societal ideal - but to me, basic hygiene & grooming are important. I think it's a function of self-acceptance/love to take care of oneself, and that reflects in a person's appearance far more than their fashion choices.

[nbdy]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

One the BEST shows I've ever seen in the British (not US or Canadian versions) show How To Look Good Naked. It's all about women being comfortable in their own skin rather then trying to meet some ideal of beauty.

I would like to see this show. It sounds very healthy.

[nbdy]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

I wear a uniform to work (it's miserable, too - whoever picked them out picked cheap, coarse, brown wool suits) :P So yeah, I can get dressed in the dark. Because I wear a uniform to work I don't want to put a lot of fuss into my daily clothing so it's jeans & t-shirts for the most part.

I loved wearing a uniform. So easy and social expectations are effortlessly met every single day.

I understand wanting to look a certain way for yourself - but every night I listen to people pick one another apart because of their wardrobe or make-up choices, where they shop for their appearance-related choices, how much they spend or don't spend. It's boggling how much time some of my coworkers can devote to just that - how people look. Some drunk guy comes to my window for a room key, I'm not concerned about the cut of his suit, I'm concerned for his safety - will he make it back to his room in one piece, will someone roll him on his side so he doesn't die a rock-star death, will he get rolled if he goes back out instead of going to his room, that kind of thing. Some of my coworkers will actually crane their necks over the desk to check out someone's shoes. It's just weird to me. Their shoes? Seriously?

"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people." Eleanor Roosevelt
So, turning the question back at you -- why do you care what they are discussing? Is that any better than them caring what other people are wearing?

A lot of women think Brad Pitt is the hotness - to me he just looks dirty & greasy all the time. When he cleans up, he's more attractive than when he's got the scraggly beard and oily hair hanging in his face. My husband feels the same way about Christina Aguilera. He says when he tries to imagine her in bed, he thinks it'd be like rolling around w/a greased pig.

And this criticism of others is different .... how? This is my point, it is easy to SAY we don't care, but not so easy to actually not care. I find it fairly easy to assume that these celebrities are meticulously clean for their photo ops, but going for "the wet look," which you apparently disapprove.

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Actually, I do reach into the wardrobe blindly most of the time. You should see the stuff I wear out.... odd shoes, odd socks (why are they always the purple and tangerine ones, I wonder?)

I can't tell one item from another, it all looks like porridge. So there's not much point worrying. And because of that I really don't care what other people look like. It's none of my business. There may be all sorts of reasons why they appear the way they do. I'd prefer to get to know them first.

I use the same picture for my avatar everywhere. It's several years old, but it stays unless I lose the file.

And you should know that when it comes to first impressions I find people in mismatched clothing, shirts buttoned askew, etc, particularly intriguing -- but that is my form of appearance prejudice. Of course I take note of how other people present themselves, especially when we are first meeting, but I have a sort of reverse prejudice. People who seem a little too "put together" to me, no matter what their style, do not interest me as much as a person who looks like they have better things to think about. Don't misunderstand, I have some meticulously coiffed friends, but I am definitely guilty of appearance prejudice. I don't, however, verbalize these preferences or discuss the fashion (or non-fashion) choices of others as a general rule. I can't imagine spending much time with people who did.

[Maria de Luna]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

@Jembru- I think it is definitely not the same thing here in the states, but we have different gun laws, (i.e. we can have them)So in some places it just does'nt make sense to pick random people to screqw with, cause they can carry all the same scary things you can, and if you have more money you can afford better guns... I don't know if that is really a reason but I imagine its a factor. We have gangs and such here too though, in fact Wilmington, has had a horrible year with murders this year, it has been really bad, but proper gang violence is getting worse. So I guess there are a few other valid appearance issues to consider when you consider a person.

[Vigdisdotter]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

Aesthetically, I don't. In day-to-day interactions. If it's with a mate or someone within my care that it matters more because I want people to think I've done my "job" as a partner/parent/care-giver and made an effort on behalf of those seen as connected to me. In regards to my own appearance, its' all about making MYSELF feel good. I love make up and some days I'll go for the wild and dramatic, other days I just want to have that girl-next-door look.

Psychologically that's something different. For example I will look at body types and think "that's where I want to get to" or "Dear sweet gods, don't let me get to that point!" But that's a health thing and/or a fitness thing. I don't want to die of heart disease (one of many things in my family medical history) and I LOVE being able to just go and do things. So yes, I'll use someone's appearance as motivation for myself. But again, aesthetics really don't play into it.

Also, in my mind, a body is a body is a body. It's not something to sexualize unless you have a reason to be in that head space and not every interaction has such a reason.

One the BEST shows I've ever seen in the British (not US or Canadian versions) show How To Look Good Naked. It's all about women being comfortable in their own skin rather then trying to meet some ideal of beauty.

[Jembru]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

It's more the way they terrorize and control entire communities. It is a real issue here in the UK, although as that second documentory has shown, we are finding ways to tackle the issue. If they only dressed a certain way, but didn't carry knives, set fire to cars, break into the homes of the elderly, beat up people for being goth, or gay or in the worst cases, disabled (I've heard two horrible stories of adults with learning disabilities being labled as child molesters and beaten to death by these scumbags).

I was lucky enough to get a job with teenagers who had antisocial behaviour issues. Basically, they were chavs. This opened my eyes to another side of them and I grew very fond of my students. I still see them around. I hear some are in jail now, but I hear others have found jobs and are doing well. So I don't have quite so bad an opinion of them now and I understand how people can fall on bad times and when all you knew growing up was violence and drug abuse, then that will shape you as an adult, whether it is to go to the other extreme, or to continue the life your parents showed you.

Still, I cannot justify or forgive violent and evil behaviour so I will never, ever, fully forgive this subculture for what they have done to me and those I love, and I will always feel that fear.. the thumping in my chest, the sweaty palms, the panic, whenever I see a group of teens or young adults dressed and acting like chavs.

[Maria de Luna]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

I was going to post a video of chavs being violent, but then decided that I at least owe it to them to be unbiased. This is a video that just explains what they are, without making them look good or bad. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugNeWkeGYm8

Ah go on, so you can see what I am really against... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1_T-...eature=related

Gah! you got here too fast!

[volcaniclastic]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

I was going to post a video of chavs being violent, but then decided that I at least owe it to them to be unbiased. This is a video that just explains what they are, without making them look good or bad. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugNeWkeGYm8

Ah go on, so you can see what I am really against... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1_T-...eature=related

When I go to the UK, I play a game in my head called 'count the chavs'. lol.

[Maria de Luna]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

After googling chav I think I understand what they are but not so much the fear, people who dress like that are around here and have been for years, I guess it must be something we are more used to here in the states... It may just be an aesthetic here.

[Jembru]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

What exactly is a chav? (I know this is off-topic, but I seriously don't know.)

I was going to post a video of chavs being violent, but then decided that I at least owe it to them to be unbiased. This is a video that just explains what they are, without making them look good or bad. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugNeWkeGYm8

Ah go on, so you can see what I am really against... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1_T-...eature=related

[Maria de Luna]

Re: Why Do You Care About Someone Else's Appearance?

I thought of one time I will judge someone negatively based on appearance: I hate and fear chavs.

What exactly is a chav? (I know this is off-topic, but I seriously don't know.)