Hungry wedding guests question

[Heka]

As someone with food allergies, I would of course cater to food allergies. But really, there would be a meat option, and a vegan-gf option. Because that covers most of the bases. If there were other allergies than those, then I would probably make a few special request dishes.

That being said, I don't really care for planning a wedding. I want to elope.

This is probably the best way to go. A meat (not seafood) version and a "special" version. Its what airlines do. The "special" meal does the veg'ns, gfs, lfs, everything.

We did a 3 course sit down and had one meat and one veg entre, 2 meat and 1 veg main and cake dessert. We also sent the menu with the invite and got people to pick their food with their rsvp and tell us if they had any issues for the caterer to deal with.

[DanieMarie]

Re: Hungry wedding guests question

This is actually a major issue for me. I'm the one who has the strictest dietary requirements and feeding a whole wedding full of people on my own requirements might present a challenge. I can't have anything with soy, peanuts, beans, peas, carob, guar gum, or any other kind of legume. Sauce mixes tend to have those things in them. Lots of baked goods have them in them. It's a problem. Homemade food created completely from scratch is a safe bet, but that's expensive. We will be on a very strict budget.

On top of that, I have several vegetarian and gluten intolerant friends, and my best friend can't eat too much fat (she has crohn's disease and it makes her sick). As someone with allergies, I can tell you that buffets are NIGHTMARES for people with allergies (oohhhh the contamination!), so that's more or less out.

We'll probably have a very non-traditional wedding. It will also probably be quite DIY and small. We may limit guests to a number where we can bootstrap it and cook a number of finger food dishes ourselves (I'm 10000% sure we'd have some help from our families here!) We may also potluck it. It's not important to either of us to have a fancy or traditional wedding. It's just important that we have a nice day and don't go into debt over it.

For the record, I'm not difficult at other people's weddings. I'll ask what's in the food and if I can't eat it, I just eat what dishes I can have. If one of my minor allergies gets through I'll feel icky by the end of the night, but it's not my wedding so I can just go home and lie down.

[Roknrol]

Re: Hungry wedding guests question

You and your SO (male or female) decide to get married (no, it doesn't matter if it's legal ethereal you are).

Yes, I know it matters to you - I meant "for the purpose of the question." I'm sorry. I understand you're upset. I'll be more careful...

Anyways, getting married...

But, alas, you're pagan, and a great many of your fellow pagans have particular diets.

You're on a tight budget (you decide what that is), and have to be careful.

How far will you go to plan your wedding dinner around the eating/drinking habits of yor friends?

My wedding my food. The people that come to the wedding get what they get - if I happen to know that there are allergies, I will let people know, but seriously - if you're an adult and you have "weird" or even "different" (since I know someone will be offended that I call vegan "weird") food issues, it should be your responsibility to police that, not mine.

My wife has food allergies. She plans ahead. She takes fruit with her on long trips when we can't be guaranteed a place to eat that will support her decisions. Same goes for when we're trying a new diet.

There are 7 billion people on this world and every single one of them has a food that they don't like, won't eat, or are allergic to. You must be insane to think that someone can account for everyone and still allow everyone to enjoy what they're eating.

Send me to a vegan wedding? I won't be eating. I certainly won't be COMPLAINING about not having anything to eat, but I won't be eating.

If you ever catch me complaining about how you run your own event, just kick my ass out for being an ungracious snot.

[DanieMarie]

Re: Hungry wedding guests question

My wife has food allergies. She plans ahead. She takes fruit with her on long trips when we can't be guaranteed a place to eat that will support her decisions. Same goes for when we're trying a new diet.

Yep, that's what I do. I'll always ask and I'll avoid restaurants that seem like they might be a problem when there's a choice, but I don't expect anyone to go out of their way. Seriously...if it's someone else's party, it's their choice and I just work around it. I don't even make a fuss for restaurant birthdays, let alone someone's entire wedding.

That being said, I do like to accommodate my friends. They never ask me to, but it's just nice when everyone can eat. I host a big Thanksgiving potluck every year where I make the turkey and other basics and everyone else brings dishes or drinks. I always make sure there are vegetarian and gluten free options.

[Heka]

My wedding my food. The people that come to the wedding get what they get - if I happen to know that there are allergies, I will let people know, but seriously - if you're an adult and you have "weird" or even "different" (since I know someone will be offended that I call vegan "weird") food issues, it should be your responsibility to police that, not mine.

My wife has food allergies. She plans ahead. She takes fruit with her on long trips when we can't be guaranteed a place to eat that will support her decisions. Same goes for when we're trying a new diet.

There are 7 billion people on this world and every single one of them has a food that they don't like, won't eat, or are allergic to. You must be insane to think that someone can account for everyone and still allow everyone to enjoy what they're eating.

Send me to a vegan wedding? I won't be eating. I certainly won't be COMPLAINING about not having anything to eat, but I won't be eating.

If you ever catch me complaining about how you run your own event, just kick my ass out for being an ungracious snot.

I get this attitude, I do, I just hate it when people come to my house and crack the shits about there not being much meat (and I always make some even though im vegetarian). So I feel that in certain plafes I have a right to complain about the lack of vegetarian food.

I especially hate when in an invite to a pot luck you put 'if you can, please provide vegetarian and or gluten free dishes' and your stupid sister in law cant even tell you if the potato bake she made has gluten in it.

I generally plan ahead for awkward things like school camps and stuff, but theres enough vegetarians around that we are usually catered for.

[Rhaethe]

Re: Hungry wedding guests question

Honestly its a two way street in my mind. I feel a host has an obligation to accommodate their guests as much as is reasonable to the host, and the guest has an obligation to handle their own allergies/requirements without placing undue burden on the host.

If it is a pain in the ass to provide options, don't. If you can and its no burden, then do.

[DanieMarie]

Re: Hungry wedding guests question

I get this attitude, I do, I just hate it when people come to my house and crack the shits about there not being much meat (and I always make some even though im vegetarian). So I feel that in certain plafes I have a right to complain about the lack of vegetarian food.

I especially hate when in an invite to a pot luck you put 'if you can, please provide vegetarian and or gluten free dishes' and your stupid sister in law cant even tell you if the potato bake she made has gluten in it.

I generally plan ahead for awkward things like school camps and stuff, but theres enough vegetarians around that we are usually catered for.

That drives me nuts. I always feel like a bit of a jerk when I host potlucks, because veggie friends used to be like "I can bring hummus!" and I had to be all like "sorry, I cannot have that in my house." I make lists and state like four times which of my allergies are deadly and can't have in my home (it's more of an issue at my house because of cleaning and dish contamination....once a friend brought over these peanut puff snacks that are popular here and I had to wear rubber gloves while cleaning and wash all of my cleaning supplies afterwards so it wouldn't spread the dust around!) Still, despite all of the many warnings about chickpeas, beans, and peanuts, sometimes they show up at my house. I do feel like a jerk, though. I don't know. The whole issue makes me feel really awkward because I don't want to limit what people can make, but I have to keep my home free of my serious allergens...

[Heka]

That drives me nuts. I always feel like a bit of a jerk when I host potlucks, because veggie friends used to be like "I can bring hummus!" and I had to be all like "sorry, I cannot have that in my house." I make lists and state like four times which of my allergies are deadly and can't have in my home (it's more of an issue at my house because of cleaning and dish contamination....once a friend brought over these peanut puff snacks that are popular here and I had to wear rubber gloves while cleaning and wash all of my cleaning supplies afterwards so it wouldn't spread the dust around!) Still, despite all of the many warnings about chickpeas, beans, and peanuts, sometimes they show up at my house. I do feel like a jerk, though. I don't know. The whole issue makes me feel really awkward because I don't want to limit what people can make, but I have to keep my home free of my serious allergens...

This shits me too. I mean yes, in my case, I 'choose' to be a vegetarian. Meat isn't going to kill me. But My coeliac mother will get very sick if you don't tell her whats in it. And you, well you could legit die.

But if you come to my goddamn house, come under my goddamn roof, at my invitation or not, and especially if I remind you to make a goddamn effort with regard to food issues, then you better bloody make an effort. Or get the fuck off my lawn.

Its so much more frustrating when its family that should know better too... *sigh*

[DanieMarie]

Re: Hungry wedding guests question

This shits me too. I mean yes, in my case, I 'choose' to be a vegetarian. Meat isn't going to kill me. But My coeliac mother will get very sick if you don't tell her whats in it. And you, well you could legit die.

But if you come to my goddamn house, come under my goddamn roof, at my invitation or not, and especially if I remind you to make a goddamn effort with regard to food issues, then you better bloody make an effort. Or get the fuck off my lawn.

Its so much more frustrating when its family that should know better too... *sigh*

Yeah, you'd think family would understand. It's challenging though. I think that people who don't have allergies just don't really get it. They just sort of forget. You have to get really pushy with them, which I don't like doing, but if I don't, then chickpeas and peanuts show up at my house.

[Rae'ya]

Re: Hungry wedding guests question

Yeah, you'd think family would understand. It's challenging though. I think that people who don't have allergies just don't really get it. They just sort of forget. You have to get really pushy with them, which I don't like doing, but if I don't, then chickpeas and peanuts show up at my house.

Heading off topic... but I wonder how much is just laziness or an inability to think outside the box. I was bought up being involved in the cooking, in a house with a giant bookshelf of recipe books, where from the age of about 10 my sister and I were tasked with picking out recipes to cook for the family. But I am continually surprised at how many people don't know how to cook, or how to follow a recipe, or are completely intimidated with the idea of trying to cook or prepare something new. So to be faced with having to bring a dish that they don't already know how to cook... it seems so simple and non-consequential to those of us who can cook, but I wonder if sometimes THIS is why there is so much resistance to catering to dietary needs when they are bringing a plate?

[Heka]

Yeah, you'd think family would understand. It's challenging though. I think that people who don't have allergies just don't really get it. They just sort of forget. You have to get really pushy with them, which I don't like doing, but if I don't, then chickpeas and peanuts show up at my house.

In my family, its just them being arseholes. Like, how dare you come to my house, for my party, where I specifically asked for vegetarian, coeliac food with a potato bake with bacon in it, then cant tell me if its got gluten or not, and expect me to put it in my oven to warm it up???

This particular episode is a sore spot for me... she also got her husband to fire up the bbq before anyone else got there so her kids could be fed early. I mean ffs feed your kids at home if you want them fed before a 7pm bbq. Fuck.

[Heka]

Heading off topic... but I wonder how much is just laziness or an inability to think outside the box. I was bought up being involved in the cooking, in a house with a giant bookshelf of recipe books, where from the age of about 10 my sister and I were tasked with picking out recipes to cook for the family. But I am continually surprised at how many people don't know how to cook, or how to follow a recipe, or are completely intimidated with the idea of trying to cook or prepare something new. So to be faced with having to bring a dish that they don't already know how to cook... it seems so simple and non-consequential to those of us who can cook, but I wonder if sometimes THIS is why there is so much resistance to catering to dietary needs when they are bringing a plate?

I think this is where "you can just have salad" comes from (aaaaah salad is not a vegetarian MEAL, especially if it has bacon in it!!!! If I put chicken in my salad for you does it make it a "meat meal" and therefore will you eat it without complaint if I'm having real food???!!!)

But I'm attempting to fix this with my year 9-10 nutrition class. Cooking food with specific goal in mind and changing recipies to suit those goals, such as weight loss, muscle gain, based around jamies 15 min meals, cos we only get a 45 minute lesson.

[DanieMarie]

Re: Hungry wedding guests question

Heading off topic... but I wonder how much is just laziness or an inability to think outside the box. I was bought up being involved in the cooking, in a house with a giant bookshelf of recipe books, where from the age of about 10 my sister and I were tasked with picking out recipes to cook for the family. But I am continually surprised at how many people don't know how to cook, or how to follow a recipe, or are completely intimidated with the idea of trying to cook or prepare something new. So to be faced with having to bring a dish that they don't already know how to cook... it seems so simple and non-consequential to those of us who can cook, but I wonder if sometimes THIS is why there is so much resistance to catering to dietary needs when they are bringing a plate?

I do get that. But I don't always ask people to cook when I host potlucks. Most of my "potluck" dinners involve some people filling some dish gaps and everyone else brings wine, some extra glasses or chairs, or a bag of chips (listed ingredients=totally fine).

That being said, I've had dinner guests go through -extraordinary- levels of effort to accommodate everyone. Usually I just ask that people be aware of what's in a dish, to avoid contamination, and that it not have anything that anyone is -deathly- allergic to in it. If it's not gluten free or vegetarian, that's fine, as long as they can say that it's not gluten free or vegetarian. It's nearly impossible to cover -all- of my and my friends' dietary requirements in single dishes. But one friend brought a vegan, soy-free, legume-free, gluten-free pumpkin pie last year. Seriously...that's hard to do. It even tasted good. I think she should get a medal haha.

[Heka]

But one friend brought a vegan, soy-free, legume-free, gluten-free pumpkin pie last year. Seriously...that's hard to do. It even tasted good. I think she should get a medal haha.

She in my new favoutite person.

[Rae'ya]

Re: Hungry wedding guests question

I do get that. But I don't always ask people to cook when I host potlucks. Most of my "potluck" dinners involve some people filling some dish gaps and everyone else brings wine, some extra glasses or chairs, or a bag of chips (listed ingredients=totally fine).

That being said, I've had dinner guests go through -extraordinary- levels of effort to accommodate everyone. Usually I just ask that people be aware of what's in a dish, to avoid contamination, and that it not have anything that anyone is -deathly- allergic to in it. If it's not gluten free or vegetarian, that's fine, as long as they can say that it's not gluten free or vegetarian. It's nearly impossible to cover -all- of my and my friends' dietary requirements in single dishes. But one friend brought a vegan, soy-free, legume-free, gluten-free pumpkin pie last year. Seriously...that's hard to do. It even tasted good. I think she should get a medal haha.

See, if you said to me 'I am deathly allergic to x, y, z, and severely allergic to a, b and c' and asked me to come to your house with a dish, I would find a recipe to fit. I mean somewhere on the internet, there'll be a recipe that satisfies that. And if there's not, I'm sure I can make something up. But then, I cook. And I cook from scratch. So that's not scary to me. Having said that... I've never tried it. So maybe I would try and find that I was damned hard to do. But I'd give it a good go.

Unfortunately, if you came to my wedding, you'd be on your own. But then if I were you, I wouldn't trust a non-catered meal to not kill me. It's possible I wouldn't trust a catered meal to not kill me. My mum's cousin is deathly allergic to a million different things, and is often house-bound because of it (it's not just food allergies, but all sorts of things). She doesn't eat out. Ever. If she didn't make the food herself, she doesn't eat it. As you know, too much can be hidden in food that people just don't realise is there, because so many people use pre-prepared ingredients even if they 'cook from scratch'.