having kids and age

[thalassa]

Re: having kids and age

Well, I wouldn't call the shots for other people, but I can say that my wife and I didn't have kids until we were in our late 20's & early 30's.

This worked out OK for us - we had more money, we had stable lives, we were calmer adults, and we were (and still are) still plenty active enough to go on filed trips and such. None of this would have been true much earlier in our lives - we'd still have done OK, but it wouldn't have been as easy...

I have to concur...I think mid 20's to early 30's is a good age. Personally, *if* (and its a big if) we decide to have one more, I'll need to have convieved before I'm 34...or it will be *too late*...the hubby has volunteered to do his manly duty.

[DanieMarie]

Re: having kids and age

my parents had me when they were in there 30's and i hated it. (love my parents but) they NEVER went to a field trip or anything. they couldny keep up..... just sayin

Seriously? I think my mom couldn't totally keep up now, but she's still pretty active and can still ski and hike with me, and she's in her mid-50's. She was super active and able to keep up with kids in her 40s (she's a grade 1 teacher....she has to keep up with 20 6 year olds on a daily basis!) I think you only slow down that young if you let yourself or have severe health problems.

---------- Post added at 06:00 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:57 PM ----------

another thing to think about is after the kids move out, how long until you retire? how long do you have to prepare? and remember just cause they move out doesn't mean they stop costing you money. figure them to be done with college with enough time for you to get ready to retire.

You should be saving for your retirement from your 20's onward. A little bit now will keep you from having to scramble and save much larger amounts later.

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/CollegeAndFamily/MoneyInYour20s/ToGetRichStartSavingInYour20s.aspx

Here's a link for an online calculator to figure out online interest:

http://www.moneychimp.com/calculator/compound_interest_calculator.htm

Just as an example, if you were super broke and could just save $50 a month right now, even that $50 a month would turn into just shy of $168,000 in 40 years at 8% interest. Which isn't enough, but that's -something- and you'd have to save a LOT more to make that money if you did it later. Also that's not counting growing income and being able to contribute more in the future.

[thalassa]

Re: having kids and age

You should be saving for your retirement from your 20's onward. A little bit now will keep you from having to scramble and save much larger amounts later.

In this case though...from seeing my mom and step-dad who had my brothers in their late 30's (mom) and early 40's (step-dad)...its not even so much about having to save for retirement as it is the fact that kids are expensive, and you don't have any down time before you are getting ready to retire. My mom is super-stressed, working a 40+ hour work week in a supervisory capacity, and then turning around and shuttling kids back and forth all evening to sports and scouts and whatever. There comes a point in one's career (depending on what that career is) where the stress of the job doesn't need the stress of parenting added to it...and in my observation and experience, the stress of a job is worse at the top than it is as a worker bee. And as a worker bee, its often easier to take a day off, call in sick, etc because there is someone to cover your shift, etc. In my mother's case, she is in some ways far less less flexible and less tolerant of the well...reality of the annoyances of children at certain ages and stages, an in other ways, far more permissive because (related to the first) "its easier to do it myself than get the boys to do it", which does nothing for teaching them to do chores, have responsibility, etc...something that I *never* would have gotten away with at the same age, when my mother was 18 years younger.

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TBH, everyone and every situation is different--for me, waiting was not an option in terms of health insurance, income, my health issues which make it inadvisable to have children, etc.

Basically...life is never certain. Waiting to have kids until some mythical golden age of income and whatever is (IMO) foolish. You are NEVER actually "ready" to have kids. You will never have enough money, enough patience, enough time, etc to raise kids as you want to, or as someone else out there *thinks* you should. Just have them when you *think* you are ready, hope for the best and make due with what you have. If you are a reasonable individual and you love them to pieces and you discipline them consistently and fairly, it doesn't matter if you can buy them designer shoes or hike the 7 summits with them.

[DanieMarie]

Re: having kids and age

Oh, I TOTALLY agree, and I wasn't trying to put anyone down. I was just saying what you meant....that everyone is different and that waiting isn't always worse, energy-wise and with retirement planning and such.

I'm not personally waiting until I am in the strongest financial position because I know that there will always be -some- sort of expense that I'd want to sort out. I'm just waiting for, you know, a stable relationship. And the way THAT'S going for me, I'm definitely not having kids until my 30's, because I'd like to be married for a couple of years before having kids. I'd hate the idea that I'm old cow because I'm not in my 20's anymore, and it's kind of hurtful. Especially since, if that's how so many people feel, maybe I'll never find it, because I might not be able to have children (I'm getting some fun tests done this summer) and will have to adopt

But I'm still standing what I said about saving for retirement now. Whether you're single, have kids, or whatever. If you start earlier, it builds up more, and also, if you start earlier you'll be saving longer and if you can save for a REALLY long time you can often negotiate AWESOME interest rates. I used to save when I was younger and I made almost no money but I still did it!

[volcaniclastic]

Re: having kids and age

For me, I just don't want children. None. Not one. I want to work, and spend all of my money on traveling the world. Maybe (MAYBE) I'd be willing to settle down with a partner later in life, but not with kids. They're expensive, and high maintenance, and as much as I love kids, there are enough of them in this world already.

Maternal instincts are held at bay by owning a cat.

[Amber]

Re: having kids and age

I was 24 when Nathan was born and just turned 26 when Madison was born. My hubby on the other hand was 33 and 34 (my kids are 18 months apart)

[DanieMarie]

Re: having kids and age

For me, I just don't want children. None. Not one. I want to work, and spend all of my money on traveling the world. Maybe (MAYBE) I'd be willing to settle down with a partner later in life, but not with kids. They're expensive, and high maintenance, and as much as I love kids, there are enough of them in this world already.

Maternal instincts are held at bay by owning a cat.

I used to feel that way but now I'm really just on the fence. I don't know if it's something I -need- in life but I think it would be really nice as well. I don't know. I have to meet the right guy first I think. I do know that I want to be married for a while if I do. I never had a boyfriend before, and I want to have some time to really spend some time together and enjoy just the two of us and do things like travel and stuff before I move on to another step. I do really want to get married though...very badly.

[Medusa]

Re: having kids and age

My father had kids with a previous marriage when he was younger. They always were jealous of the fact that I got a better father way down the line then they had. Time just mellowed him out and he was definitely into his family by the time I came around.

[Amber]

Re: having kids and age

My parents were very young when i was born (19 and 22) and I'm the youngest kid! My mom had my brother when she was barely 17 from a previous relationship and My dad had my other brother when he was 20 during his first marriage!

Honestly, I don't think I could have done it that young! It was hard enough in my mid-20's!

[Hawkfeathers]

Re: having kids and age

I've always known I wasn't going to be having kids. I think most people are physically better able to handle kids when they're (the parents) in their 20's but it's really an individual decision.

[Amber]

Re: having kids and age

My husband was medically declared sterile because him and his ex-wife couldn't conceive. Well, come to find out he was a pretty bad diabetic and when we were dating he got really sick and was diagnosed with it. Once we got him on meds and stabalized he became very fertil LOL

[DanieMarie]

Re: having kids and age

^^^
That's really good!

Slightly an aside, but I was flipping through facebook and I swear some people I know from high school (all girls) have NOT aged (not that I can say much because a lot of people think I look more or less the same too). They have kids, and sometimes I wonder if people falsely judge them. One girl I SWEAR she still looks 17 (she's 27).

Another girl my age who I know through another friend from the US, and she said once that when she was pregnant, she got mouthed off by some woman for being a pregnant teen, and she was like "but I'm 25!"

[thalassa]

Re: having kids and age

^^^
Another girl my age who I know through another friend from the US, and she said once that when she was pregnant, she got mouthed off by some woman for being a pregnant teen, and she was like "but I'm 25!"

Scott and I have had similar reactions (told "there's no way you have kids", not being told off)...I think its because #1 we don't look that old, and #2 I think more people *are* waiting to have kids...

[DanieMarie]

Re: having kids and age

Scott and I have had similar reactions (told "there's no way you have kids", not being told off)...I think its because #1 we don't look that old, and #2 I think more people *are* waiting to have kids...

Is it abnormal to have kids mid-20's though? I mean, here it totally is. Most people don't even marry until after 30. But back home, a lot of people I know had kids about 24-27 (and I guess still going! A whole batch seem to be pregnant right now....some first and some second pregnancies).

[thalassa]

Re: having kids and age

Is it abnormal to have kids mid-20's though? I mean, here it totally is. Most people don't even marry until after 30. But back home, a lot of people I know had kids about 24-27 (and I guess still going! A whole batch seem to be pregnant right now....some first and some second pregnancies).

Around here, it seems more people wait until their 30's--but I'm in the 'burbs...when I lived in Norfolk, perhaps because of the military population--which tends to be young but fairly well employed, the 20's is normal. I sort of wonder how much it has to due with education and getting to the point where one is established. If you go to college, it takes longer to get established and meet someone and get married and start a family, but if you get a job right away, or only go to a junior college, you are established that much sooner... I think also, in the military community, there is a sort of psychological reasoning for it as well--the need to start something permanent to come back to after deployment and to take with you from duty station to duty station.