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What Not to Say to a Newbie

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    #91
    Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

    Yes it involves restraints, a knive, a metal bar and a distinct lack of concern over his survival. Ermm, it's also incomplete. Mages are still working on the breast growth portion...

    I'm told physicians have an answer to that but they're methods are longer and involve paper work or we'd call them mages.

    Anyone know a good resurrection service?
    life itself was a lightsaber in his hands; even in the face of treachery and death and hopes gone cold, he burned like a candle in the darkness. Like a star shining in the black eternity of space.

    Yoda: Dark Rendezvous

    "But those men who know anything at all about the Light also know that there is a fierceness to its power, like the bare sword of the law, or the white burning of the sun." Suddenly his voice sounded to Will very strong, and very Welsh. "At the very heart, that is. Other things, like humanity, and mercy, and charity, that most good men hold more precious than all else, they do not come first for the Light. Oh, sometimes they are there; often, indeed. But in the very long run the concern of you people is with the absolute good, ahead of all else..."

    John Rowlands, The Grey King by Susan Cooper

    "You come from the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve", said Aslan. "And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth; be content."

    Aslan, Prince Caspian by CS Lewis


    Comment

      #92
      Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

      Originally posted by MaskedOne View Post
      Anyone know a good resurrection service?
      Mike's corpses used to be pretty good, but I don't know how they are faring after the lawsuit involving pieces of a womans husband being used to reconstruct another man, I guess that's why they were giving "half off" discounts.

      Can anyone tell me how to heal my sick kitty? I'm afraid I cursed her when i vacuumed up her favorite toy last week, and yelled curses at her for breaking my vacuume. How do I fix her?
      http://catcrowsnow.blogspot.com/

      But they were doughnuts of darkness. Evil damned doughnuts, tainted by the spawn of darkness.... Which could obviously only be redeemed by passing through the fiery inferno of my digestive tract.
      ~Jim Butcher

      Comment

        #93
        Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

        Originally posted by Maria de Luna View Post
        Can anyone tell me how to heal my sick kitty? I'm afraid I cursed her when i vacuumed up her favorite toy last week, and yelled curses at her for breaking my vacuume. How do I fix her?
        Okay you need to follow these steps exactly:
        Step 1: Make Buttered Toast
        Step 2: Attach Buttered toast to cat
        Step 3: Pick up Cat and drop her from a decent height

        If the Cat doesn't spin in mid air then she's still cursed and you did it wrong. IF she does, then she's all good.


        So I'm new to witchcraft, do spells work like they do in harry potter?
        And if so how do I know if I'm a wizard or a muggle?
        "The fire could not be tamed with the wind,
        nor the wind suppressed by the flames.
        As blending the Light with the Dark
        merely results in Grey." -Ville Friman

        Comment

          #94
          Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

          No. Wand based casting traditions are for the inherently lazy and the division between wizard and other is ermm, flexible.

          I lost my temporal gate, anyone know where I can rent one?
          life itself was a lightsaber in his hands; even in the face of treachery and death and hopes gone cold, he burned like a candle in the darkness. Like a star shining in the black eternity of space.

          Yoda: Dark Rendezvous

          "But those men who know anything at all about the Light also know that there is a fierceness to its power, like the bare sword of the law, or the white burning of the sun." Suddenly his voice sounded to Will very strong, and very Welsh. "At the very heart, that is. Other things, like humanity, and mercy, and charity, that most good men hold more precious than all else, they do not come first for the Light. Oh, sometimes they are there; often, indeed. But in the very long run the concern of you people is with the absolute good, ahead of all else..."

          John Rowlands, The Grey King by Susan Cooper

          "You come from the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve", said Aslan. "And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth; be content."

          Aslan, Prince Caspian by CS Lewis


          Comment

            #95
            Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

            Originally posted by MaskedOne View Post
            I lost my temporal gate, anyone know where I can rent one?
            Yes! I have a few laying around behind my unicorn farm! I would be happy to sell you one at a WONDERFUL discount since they are slightly used.

            My new healing crystal I picked up off of e-bay just will not glow with holy light! I have no idea why it's not working, I did the spell just like it said on the instruction card, can anyone tell me what went wrong?
            http://catcrowsnow.blogspot.com/

            But they were doughnuts of darkness. Evil damned doughnuts, tainted by the spawn of darkness.... Which could obviously only be redeemed by passing through the fiery inferno of my digestive tract.
            ~Jim Butcher

            Comment

              #96
              Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

              You're going to die.

              How do I wake up my third eye?
              �Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer.�
              ― Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture
              Sneak Attack
              Avatar picture by the wonderful and talented TJSGrimm.

              Comment

                #97
                Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                There's a special alarm clock device that drops corks directly onto your third eye until it awakens...or runs out of corks.

                Whenever I use my Lemurian crystal to recall my past lives I end up with visions of cleaning the horse stalls. I know I was a priestess in every life, so why am I not seeing this vision when I perform past life work?
                my etsy store
                My blog


                "...leave me curled up in my ball,
                surrounded by plush, downy things,
                ill prepared, but willing,
                to descend."

                Comment

                  #98
                  Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                  Originally posted by Caelia View Post
                  Whenever I use my Lemurian crystal to recall my past lives I end up with visions of cleaning the horse stalls. I know I was a priestess in every life, so why am I not seeing this vision when I perform past life work?
                  Well you see it's because you were a priestess, but not the kind you're thinking of. They called her "The Priestess", some say she tended to more than just men's souls in her "church" behind the horse stalls. If you catch my meaning.
                  But what do I know, I'm just a muggle.

                  So do you guys know any cool fireball spells?
                  There's this guy across the street who's really getting on my last nerve.
                  I want to throw a fireball past his head to show him who's boss.
                  "The fire could not be tamed with the wind,
                  nor the wind suppressed by the flames.
                  As blending the Light with the Dark
                  merely results in Grey." -Ville Friman

                  Comment

                    #99
                    Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                    Originally posted by XIII View Post
                    So do you guys know any cool fireball spells?
                    There's this guy across the street who's really getting on my last nerve.
                    I want to throw a fireball past his head to show him who's boss.
                    I know the perfect spell. You need to offer your soul to the devil and he will give you magic fire powers. Don't forget a living sacrifice!! If you forget you will lose your soul and still have no fire powers.

                    But does anyone know how I can change my hair? I saw it happen in this really cool movie called The Craft.

                    Comment

                      #100
                      Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                      If you drink this jellyfish potion that I've concocted, that should do the trick. Don't mind the side-effects. They are only temporary.
                      I think.

                      I found this old book in my grandmother's attick. It had three locks on it and a warning against opening it. What would the consequences be if I opened it anyway?
                      In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time. ~~ Edward P. Tryon

                      Comment

                        #101
                        Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                        I keep demons caged in books like that. They eat tresspassers for me.

                        Anyone know good uses for dragon's blood?
                        life itself was a lightsaber in his hands; even in the face of treachery and death and hopes gone cold, he burned like a candle in the darkness. Like a star shining in the black eternity of space.

                        Yoda: Dark Rendezvous

                        "But those men who know anything at all about the Light also know that there is a fierceness to its power, like the bare sword of the law, or the white burning of the sun." Suddenly his voice sounded to Will very strong, and very Welsh. "At the very heart, that is. Other things, like humanity, and mercy, and charity, that most good men hold more precious than all else, they do not come first for the Light. Oh, sometimes they are there; often, indeed. But in the very long run the concern of you people is with the absolute good, ahead of all else..."

                        John Rowlands, The Grey King by Susan Cooper

                        "You come from the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve", said Aslan. "And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth; be content."

                        Aslan, Prince Caspian by CS Lewis


                        Comment

                          #102
                          Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                          Sprinkle it on leftovers. Your mouth with explode with flavor.

                          My febrifuge has bugs living in it now. Is it ok to burn some for a spell, or would I break the rule of three because of the bugs?
                          my etsy store
                          My blog


                          "...leave me curled up in my ball,
                          surrounded by plush, downy things,
                          ill prepared, but willing,
                          to descend."

                          Comment

                            #103
                            Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                            Originally posted by Caelia View Post
                            My febrifuge has bugs living in it now. Is it ok to burn some for a spell, or would I break the rule of three because of the bugs?
                            No, you'd be breaking the rule of six, which reads: "If thoust kill a thing with six legs, then ye shall be crushed by the flyswatter of the gods"


                            So I read online that all Pagans are devil worshipers, does this mean I have to worship the devil now? pls halp.
                            "The fire could not be tamed with the wind,
                            nor the wind suppressed by the flames.
                            As blending the Light with the Dark
                            merely results in Grey." -Ville Friman

                            Comment

                              #104
                              Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                              Well, when you understand that Satan is a composite of the Jabberwocky, Bob, and Ziltoid you understand it's just a concept anyway. So if you want to worship him just remember to offer him drawn out poetry, your pineal gland, and the ultimate cup of coffee.

                              I think I offended The Goddess. How do I know if I have? Are there signs?
                              my etsy store
                              My blog


                              "...leave me curled up in my ball,
                              surrounded by plush, downy things,
                              ill prepared, but willing,
                              to descend."

                              Comment

                                #105
                                Re: What Not to Say to a Newbie

                                Originally posted by Caelia View Post
                                I think I offended The Goddess. How do I know if I have? Are there signs?
                                It's very easy to tell when you have offended The Goddess. Her wrath is unmistakable. The first sign, you wake up to a bed full of maggots. The second sign will be blood dripping from the wall. The third and final sign, you will turn into a frog.

                                Why do pagans claim they don't worship the devil when their symbol is clearly a satanic pentagram??

                                Comment

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