The Sex Talk

[thalassa]

Re: The Sex Talk

[quote author=Deseret link=topic=686.msg12019#msg12019 date=1289494627]
Hah, Thal...that reminds me of my SIL. She called my in-laws, practically in tears, the first time one of her boys had an erection when she was changing his diaper. Not the people I'd go to for advice on that, myself, seeing how they raised Fiddly :
[/quote]

Ye gods...just wait til she catches a daughter humping the floor...

[Dez]

Re: The Sex Talk

Yeah....MIL have come very close words on more then one occasion because I 1) ask my daughter if she needs to pee, and then 2) tell her she needs to go to her room for privacy, if I see her...ahem...adjusting herself.

No guilt. Sorry. No tirades about how it's sacred and you shouldn't touch it. I don't care how open you think you were about sex with your kids as they were growing up. If you're a Mormon mother and end up with a gay son into heavy bondage, a son who started his marriage with some serious sex issues, that have taken years to get sorted out, and two daughters who were *terrified* of sex on their wedding nights, you F'd up.

/rant

[Veronica]

Re: The Sex Talk

One thing I have told my little girl when she was non-stop self-pleasing was that she might break *it* and she was going to be wanting that part of her body later on... I know, a little too tongue in cheek for a little one, but I have to keep the humor in things for myself sometimes or I'll lose my mind!

[Ravenix]

Re: The Sex Talk

[quote author=Deseret link=topic=686.msg12025#msg12025 date=1289495601]
I don't care how open you think you were about sex with your kids as they were growing up. If you're a Mormon mother and end up with a gay son into heavy bondage, a son who started his marriage with some serious sex issues, that have taken years to get sorted out, and two daughters who were *terrified* of sex on their wedding nights, you F'd up.

/rant
[/quote]

Ooooh BURRRRN.

XD

It's funny how people who think (or are brought up to think) sex is nasty and dirty and sinful are the ones with the worst sexual issues...

[CttCJim]

Re: The Sex Talk

[quote author=Deseret link=topic=686.msg12019#msg12019 date=1289494627]

Hah, Thal...that reminds me of my SIL. She called my in-laws, practically in tears, the first time one of her boys had an erection when she was changing his diaper. Not the people I'd go to for advice on that, myself, seeing how they raised Fiddly :

[/quote]

hehe i'll always remember when that happened to us, and the kid looked down and delightedly exclaimed, "TALL!"
I LOL'd.

[FantasyWitch]

Re: The Sex Talk

Well for me sex ed. came when I was old enough to ask the question, and that is how I will treat my kids. I remember asking my mum where babies come from at about six, and she said it in the simpelest non-graphic yet not stork-story way possible. She said that I was made by a piece of mummy and a piece of daddy that came together in mummy's tummy and I grew into a baby in mummy's tummy. And I was content with that.
I have always thought that kids know when you lie to them, so stories like storks and such are no use. If the kid is smart enough to ask the question, they are smart enough to know the answer, even if it is in the most basic sense.
To be honest when it came right down to it I got most of my sex ed off of my grandmother, who I still talk to about sex, completely unembarrassed and openly. Frankly I want to have as good as sex life as my Gran and Grandpa at that age! Gran taught me about everything after mum did the period talk and that was fine. If I asked the question, she gave me the answer. And that is how it should be I think.



[quote author=Sin link=topic=686.msg10204#msg10204 date=1288972869]
Yeah I hear about 14 year olds having sex now and that just seems disgusting to me.. I mean you can say hypocrite.. but yeah, I wasn't emotionally mature.. and I'm pretty sure most these young teens I see aren't either :-\
[/quote]

I was also 14 and agree SO much with you Sin hun. At the time I thought I was ready to HAVE sex, but didn't WANT to have it, but did anyway just to feel like I could keep my man, when he wasn't that interested anyway! You don't realise how precious it is until much later when you think about how you wish you had lost it with someone who loves you as much as you love them.
Like my mum tells me that I was mature for my age, and I felt it, but that makes no difference to the final point: the sexual consent law is there for a reason!

[quote author=magusjinx link=topic=686.msg11039#msg11039 date=1289259513]
Bull hockey ... RIding a bike gets uncomfortable ... Taking a sock to bed gives you a sorta rug burn ... Girls can walk around all day with a vibratator and noone would know except by the smile on their face ...
[/quote]

Have you heard how loud those things are?! haha. You have no clue young man. X

[Nyx]

Re: The Sex Talk

[quote author=Deseret link=topic=686.msg12025#msg12025 date=1289495601]
No guilt. Sorry. No tirades about how it's sacred and you shouldn't touch it. I don't care how open you think you were about sex with your kids as they were growing up. If you're a Mormon mother and end up with a gay son into heavy bondage, a son who started his marriage with some serious sex issues, that have taken years to get sorted out, and two daughters who were *terrified* of sex on their wedding nights, you F'd up.

/rant
[/quote]

I'm trying to figure out why you're lumping Bondage in with the others who have sexual problems. The S&M community is something completely different from having issues or problems with sex. Nothing wrong with it.

[shadow1982]

Re: The Sex Talk

My parents never did the sex talk but my sister is 7 years older than me and had her first child when I was 11. If I ever had any questions I always went to her. I was 17 the first time I had sex and am pleased I waited but I am definitely more comfortable with my body now I am older, and bigger.

My sister is a single mother so I have always had a lot of involvment in bringing up her sons, we have both always been honest with them about sex and answered any questions they have has honestly and as simply as possible.

[Dez]

Re: The Sex Talk

[quote author=Nyx link=topic=686.msg13105#msg13105 date=1289762763]
I'm trying to figure out why you're lumping Bondage in with the others who have sexual problems. The S&M community is something completely different from having issues or problems with sex. Nothing wrong with it.
[/quote]

You're in your rights to be testy about that if you want to, but in my experience there are a lot of people who get involved in S&M because of their personal issues, whether those issues are with sex, control, or a need to engage in risky behavior. I would love to be proven wrong, but based on what I have seen, who I have spoken to out of my own interest and curiosity(having nothing to do with said BIL), and questions I have asked, my BIL's risk-taking behavior seems to be a product of his restrictive upbringing, among other things, and is due to issues.

[thalassa]

Re: The Sex Talk

*tmi alert*

[quote author=Deseret link=topic=686.msg13121#msg13121 date=1289764868]
You're in your rights to be testy about that if you want to, but in my experience there are a lot of people who get involved in S&M because of their personal issues, whether those issues are with sex, control, or a need to engage in risky behavior.
[/quote]

In my experience, this is absolutely true. And I say that as some one that is into bondage.

(wonders who guessed *that* one )

[Dez]

Re: The Sex Talk

[quote author=thalassa link=topic=686.msg13123#msg13123 date=1289765016]
*tmi alert*

In my experience, this is absolutely true. And I say that as some one that is into bondage.

(wonders who guessed *that* one )
[/quote]

Now that, I did not guess.

(Where is my jaw-drop smiley when I need it?!?!?!)

[Nyx]

Re: The Sex Talk

[quote author=Deseret link=topic=686.msg13121#msg13121 date=1289764868]
You're in your rights to be testy about that if you want to, but in my experience there are a lot of people who get involved in S&M because of their personal issues, whether those issues are with sex, control, or a need to engage in risky behavior. I would love to be proven wrong, but based on what I have seen, who I have spoken to out of my own interest and curiosity(having nothing to do with said BIL), and questions I have asked, my BIL's risk-taking behavior seems to be a product of his restrictive upbringing, among other things, and is due to issues.
[/quote]

I'm quite certain that people with issues DO exist within the S/M community, I won't deny that. But it's also not everyone. As someone who had a normal upbringing and has never been abused... I also enjoy the submissive side of things. Personally i don't see any shame in wanting to play a different role, or experiment with different degrees of control as long as one can distinguish the difference between fantasy and reality. As someone who enjoys being a sub, it's more about the adrenaline rush and (safely) losing control rather than any sort of sick underlying issues.

Also, those who engage in risky things are usually frowned upon within that community. There's a huge emphasis on proper behaviour and procedure and creating a safe environment as well as keeping an eye out for dangerous perverts who intend to harm. Usually people will post alerts about people like that once they're discovered. At least from my experience. Also a big reason why places around here ("dungeons", etc) are done by invite-only. Only people who know people are allowed to attend... a rather effective screening process from what I understand.

[Dez]

Re: The Sex Talk

Well, Nyx, I don't want to take this thread off-topic, so I can agree to disagree, but perhaps part of our difference in perspective is that I believe that there's no such thing as a "normal" family, just different levels of dysfunction and closet skeletons.

All of us have needs that weren't met and ways that we were misunderstood growing up. All of us try to fix those problems as adults, some more success and/or awareness then others. Not all desires or underlying issues are sick or twisted, and I sense a touch of disdain from you on that note that probably mirrors mine for someone who, say, needs to put on a diaper, be smacked on the tush and called Sally to have a positive sexual experience.

Just like the really weird and bizarre isn't as common in the S&M community as one might guess, personal issues or desires due to upbringing don't automatically mean someone is a pervert, sicko, or serial killer in the making.

But, it's a free country...and we are free to seek out whatever rocks our boat, so long as it's within legal limits. It also means that I have a right to say my MIL screwed her children up, in their understanding of sexual norms, if I believe that to be the case.

Bringing this back around on topic...what should parents do if their older kid/teen starts asking questions about more unusual behavior? What about if their child displays a bit of a fetish? I seem to recall someone writing Dear Prudence a few months back because their 12 year old son kept making off with the latex gloves.

[Nyx]

Re: The Sex Talk

[quote author=Deseret link=topic=686.msg13172#msg13172 date=1289769941]
Not all desires or underlying issues are sick or twisted, and I sense a touch of disdain from you on that note that probably mirrors mine for someone who, say, needs to put on a diaper, be smacked on the tush and called Sally to have a positive sexual experience. [/quote]

Eh, I don't have any disdain for you. Sorry if that's how it seemed. As for the diapering and age play. Yeah, even that goes past my understanding so I can totally agree with you there. heh

Bringing this back around on topic...what should parents do if their older kid/teen starts asking questions about more unusual behavior? What about if their child displays a bit of a fetish? I seem to recall someone writing Dear Prudence a few months back because their 12 year old son kept making off with the latex gloves.

That is a tricky situation to handle. Some of it might be harmless curiosity... just typical experimentation to figure out what feels good. Sometimes they may read about things that reference ways to "enhance" masturbation. Oftentimes i think that's how kids so young discover something like that.

I'm not quite sure how I would handle it if I had a child exhibiting fetish-like behavior. Though it IS young for that, I'd probably also keep in mind that raging hormones usually start around that age. I was a rather curious kid myself. Confronting the child might make for a very uncomfortable situation. Rather than opening up and discussing it, they're more likely to shy away and avoid talking about it. IS there an easy way to bring something like that up? Probably not, but the conversation may need to happen anyway. Either that or monitor the situation quietly and perhaps check the child's room while they're not present. (to make sure there isn't anything too odd or dangerous hidden around the room or on their computer, if there is one present in their bedroom. Personally i think a kid shouldn't have a computer in their room... kind of risky. But that's just my opinon.)

[Shahaku]

Re: The Sex Talk

This topic really hits home for me.

For those of you who say you won't tell your kiddo's until they're older or you never want to have the talk with them, I'm gonna share a tidbit about myself. If my mother had deemed to have some sort of talk with me when I was 4 or 5, I wouldn't have been sexually assaulted by a neighbor when I was 6. I let him do things to me, because I didn't know it was wrong and it has really fucked up my life. If she had just set me down and said "People have private parts and you shouldn't let others touch those private parts" I could have prevented a lot of devestation in my mental and emotional realm.

These things happen and they seem to happen more and more. There was a story in the paper a couple years ago about a guy that raped and killed a 6 month old child. Children are sexually abused quite often and often it's by people who are close to them. Neighbors, (stereotypically) a priest, even family.

So I plan to tell my children as much as I can within the legal limits. They are going to know that certain parts of their body are for themselves alone until they are old enough and have decided they want to share them. That certain things are private. They are going to know where and how babies come about and yes I plan to talk to them about sexuality early on. I want them to understand that they can find pleasure as well as warn them that people can hurt them. As for nudity in the house, I don't see an reason not to let my kids in the shower with me and my fiance until they are three or four, but I don't plan to walk around nude in front of them. I do plan to breastfeed my children, and though I only plan on one of two, the oldest will probably be a toddler and see mommies breast on occasion when I feeding the younger.

Just like I plan to introduce a variety of religions to my children from the time they are infants, I'll be reading them books about human anatomy and sexuality as well.

Now I know some of you will likely disagree with that, but I would rather they be informed than ignorant and hurt for it later.