Being a Godly Wife. Your thoughts?

[iflewoverthecuckoosnest]

Re: Being a Godly Wife. Your thoughts?

Same.

Also, not that anyone outside of Monster needs convincing but..I was in a marriage where my husband was 'in control' and guess what! I was emotionally abused, bordering on physical and I was miserable and then I left. That seems pretty failed to me...

If I was in a relationship with -anyone-, man, woman, gender queer, what-have-you, and they expected one of us to be 'in control', I'd go mad and I'd be gone.

Been there, done that, and I absolutely agree. A relationship isn't a contest; it is a mutual partnership.

[Medusa]

Re: Being a Godly Wife. Your thoughts?

I think Monster is a big boy. If he says something, I'm sure he stands by it publicly. So it's only fair to address him publicly. Once you pull the big boy pants on, I pull on my big girl pants on as well. And away we go.

Men and women are equal but different.
Both men and women run the relationship equally but different.
Both men and women want respect.
Equally but different.

Of course if you look to nature and male and females, you will find who is in the control seat. Pst. It's not the males.

[Juniper]

Re: Being a Godly Wife. Your thoughts?

Moderator calls are not up for discussion. V has made an official warning. Member bashing is not allowed here. End of story.

[Heka]

Re: Being a Godly Wife. Your thoughts?

The counter blog :

http://agoodpaganwife.tumblr.com/

[Malflick]

Re: Being a Godly Wife. Your thoughts?

The counter blog :

http://agoodpaganwife.tumblr.com/

not really, as she doesn't really cover the same topics.

[Heka]

Re: Being a Godly Wife. Your thoughts?

Just trying to lighten the conversation.....

[Malflick]

Re: Being a Godly Wife. Your thoughts?

Just trying to lighten the conversation.....

Things did get super serial here, indeed. I skimmed through it and I didn't see articles on the same topics, so I actually thought you were trying to do the opposite by making it a Pagan Wife vs. Christian Wife debate.

Which I did not want to get into lol.

This thread has gone through dark times, dark times.... Could use a bit of sprucing up! ^_^

[Heka]

Re: Being a Godly Wife. Your thoughts?

And that was my intent! I knew it wasn't actually an opposing blog, but it does relate, and has successfully changed the subject!

[MoonRaven]

Re: Being a Godly Wife. Your thoughts?

Where all of you seem to be messing up is this misguided notion of "equality." Men and women aren't equal. Never have been. Never were meant to be. There can only be one person in charge of any relationship. And if the man doesn't take, and retain control, then the relationship is doomed. Because once a woman feels like *she* is in control, she no longer respects you and starts running you down.

If her religious teachings get her where she is in her marriage, then great. Either way I believe she has a firm grasp on what a woman's role should be.

Our of curiosity what when the marriage consists of two women? And I am curious mind, not trying to bash anyone here, I honestly want to know.

And yes, I do realise that this is in danger of high-jacking the thread into a discussion of queer marriage but so be it.

- - - Updated - - -

Men and women are equal but different.
Both men and women run the relationship equally but different.
Both men and women want respect.
Equally but different.

Of course if you look to nature and male and females, you will find who is in the control seat. Pst. It's not the males.

Seriously, why aren't there like buttons or something in this forum.

[Dumuzi]

Re: Being a Godly Wife. Your thoughts?

Seriously, why aren't there like buttons or something in this forum.

You can give reputation points to members.

Just look under the post you like, and you'll find an icon that looks like a sheriff's badge. If you hover over it with your mouse it should say "Add to this user's reputation". Click on it and you'll be able to do just that.

[Poshi]

Re: Being a Godly Wife. Your thoughts?

And that was my intent! I knew it wasn't actually an opposing blog, but it does relate, and has successfully changed the subject!

Thank you for the link! It's definitely a change in viewpoint and really interesting to see how they differ.

- - - Updated - - -

Our of curiosity what when the marriage consists of two women? And I am curious mind, not trying to bash anyone here, I honestly want to know.

That's a very brilliant and valid question. I would say it's probable that Monster wasn't considering that when he made his post. With two women as with any relationship, there is respect, balance, and equality necessary to make a relationship work, and to me it's actually proof that traditional gender roles shouldn't (always) apply. You can't have both people in that relationship be submissive just because they're women. They have to do whatever works for their individual relationship, meaning however they are happy is how they should do it. That's also how it should be for a relationship with two men, or a man and a woman.

[Doc_Holliday]

Re: Being a Godly Wife. Your thoughts?

For me it comes down to this. If this makes her and her husband happy. And strengthens THEIR marriage. Then more power to her.

I say women just like men obviously have the ability to decide whats best for them and this women is obviously just taking a very conservative view point on her marriage and she seems damned happy doing it. So if thats what gives her and her husband peace of mind, why not?

[thalassa]

Re: Being a Godly Wife. Your thoughts?

So, this blog post really doesn't surprise me. I've read enough Christian family/Christian relationship blogs, etc to have seen this before.

If you are looking for another perspective, a really good blog, from a woman raised in a slightly more extreme version of this (think the Duggars) is Libby Anne @ Love, Joy, and Feminism. She writes extensively on the issues of Christian Patriarchy, the Quiverfull movement, including a long and ongoing critique of Debi and Michael Pearl's books on every thing from so-called Christian Discipline to being a proper "Help-meet".

Absolutely. She doesn't take into account that it's okay for people to arrange their relationships how it works for them. I would say the main problem with this article is how she expects everyone to be Christian and do things the way she does them.

Well, consider her target audience as a blogger. Its not us, its other (insert brand name here) Christians...seriously, just read the comments... And, if that is what floats their boat and they both entered in to that relationship willingly and with their eyes open, good for them.

Personally though...no, just...no.

Being strong and independent cost me every man I loved. Just sayin'.But if the price of love is to hide myself, it be too high a price. Happiness doesn't require love; it merely desires it.

Then they weren't the right men. Lets be honest...there are women that need to be dependent, and there are men that need to be depended on (and vice versa)--too bad they can't always just find one another right away, yeah? Personally, I would go crazy, and so would my husband...but I know plenty of people that need that sort of relationship (I can't help but think that it indicates something lacking in them....but, whatevs).

Where all of you seem to be messing up is this misguided notion of "equality." Men and women aren't equal. Never have been. Never were meant to be. There can only be one person in charge of any relationship. And if the man doesn't take, and retain control, then the relationship is doomed. Because once a woman feels like *she* is in control, she no longer respects you and starts running you down.

If her religious teachings get her where she is in her marriage, then great. Either way I believe she has a firm grasp on what a woman's role should be.

Maybe some men need a relationship like that and some women, but not everyone does...tbh, I think needing a relationship like that speaks more to some deep seated insecurities than it does to how men and women are different.

No one is in charge of the relationship between my husband and myself, because its not a dictatorship, its a partnership with equal stake in its success. My husband and I are big enough people to yield to the other's experiences and expertise when they are relevant and to communicate honestly and compromise when necessary. We work together, because our success as a family depends on both of our skills and abilities and work.

A woman's role in a relationship is the same as a man's role--something to determine and negotiate together on the basis of what works best for that relationship. It works damn well when those roles are entered willingly, honestly, and are fluid to the circumstances that the couple finds themselves in.

(its probably a good thing my husband hasn't seen this yet...though it will be amusing if he does)

[Shahaku]

Re: Being a Godly Wife. Your thoughts?

I don't really agree all that much with the article... That being said, while I do believe equality is important in any relationship, I also acknowledge that there are inherent differences between men and women and that it is important to acknowledge these things. And that's a very slippery slope into roles in relationships. Honestly though, women tend to be more hormonal/emotional, less muscular, etc. Men have a higher drive to protect their home and family. Women tend to have more of a focus on their children, after all, in a natural world we have a hormonal high just from seeing them the first time.

Does that mean these things are always true? No. A woman can learn to control her emotions. She can develop muscle. She can even enjoy these things. And many men make amazing fathers, investing their emotions heavily in their children, no doubt. Their are men out there who enjoy being househusbands, I believe it. But it goes against the grain for a lot of people and to step out of these "roles" requires a lot more work than to go along with them in a way that feels natural.

So, don't look down on people who stick with a "traditional" relationship. It works for a lot of people. It worked for centuries for many, many people. And most of the happiest couples I know, who have been together for decades now, actively have some level of these traditional values. And I'd say one of the most important ones is learning to put your partner first. If both people are doing this, that makes for amazingly strong relationships. I've seen it at work, and it's a beautiful thing.

[Hawkfeathers]

Re: Being a Godly Wife. Your thoughts?

I don't really agree all that much with the article... That being said, while I do believe equality is important in any relationship, I also acknowledge that there are inherent differences between men and women and that it is important to acknowledge these things. And that's a very slippery slope into roles in relationships. Honestly though, women tend to be more hormonal/emotional, less muscular, etc. Men have a higher drive to protect their home and family. Women tend to have more of a focus on their children, after all, in a natural world we have a hormonal high just from seeing them the first time.

Does that mean these things are always true? No. A woman can learn to control her emotions. She can develop muscle. She can even enjoy these things. And many men make amazing fathers, investing their emotions heavily in their children, no doubt. Their are men out there who enjoy being househusbands, I believe it. But it goes against the grain for a lot of people and to step out of these "roles" requires a lot more work than to go along with them in a way that feels natural.

So, don't look down on people who stick with a "traditional" relationship. It works for a lot of people. It worked for centuries for many, many people. And most of the happiest couples I know, who have been together for decades now, actively have some level of these traditional values. And I'd say one of the most important ones is learning to put your partner first. If both people are doing this, that makes for amazingly strong relationships. I've seen it at work, and it's a beautiful thing.

I've seen it too, and it's great. I've seen lots MORE that become controlling and abusive, though. Because BOTH partners are not putting the other first. Many, many times you have one trusting, loving person performing their role, and the other is doing awful things behind their back. Wouldn't it be great to have a fool-proof integrity test? If I could have administered one on every first date I went on, It would have sure saved me a lotta time!!